


I Don't Want to Fall

by ThatGinjahNinja



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Abusive Parents, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Back Seat, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Car Sex, Dating, Denial of Feelings, Ending Soccer Moms, Face-Fucking, First Time Blow Jobs, Futakuchi x Daichi, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, KuroDai Endgame, KuroDai Week 2016, Late Night Conversations, Love, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Past Child Abuse, Pet Names, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Power Bottom, Rimming, Romance, Roommates, Rough Kissing, Semi-Public Sex, Sleepy Cuddles, Unrequited Love, Violence, kurodai - Freeform, terudai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:30:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 50,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6821140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGinjahNinja/pseuds/ThatGinjahNinja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daichi has spent years in love with Kuroo Tetsurou, but something in Kuroo's dark past has kept him from being able to explore the same feelings for Sawamura.</p><p>With a little push and a great deal of patience and support from Daichi, Kuroo begins to wonder what it would be like to let himself fall for one of his very best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Want You To Go

**Author's Note:**

> I had a mighty need for angsty KuroDai smut, so this happened.  
> I find the headcanon that Kuroo has an asshole dad kind of interesting (though I don't think that's actually the character's situation at all) so I kind of wanted to explore how that might effect things.
> 
> The title is inspired from a line in this song:  
> [Matt Alber](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZRygAf-m-g)
> 
> If anyone wants to check out some art I've had commissioned for the story, you can see it here:  
> [Artwork](http://imthatginganinja.tumblr.com/tagged/idwtf-coms)

Tetsurou Kuroo wasn’t sure if this was what he wanted. He didn’t know if he even wanted to fall in love with him to begin with—if he’d even be capable. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for this, at all, but Kuroo _was_ certain that Daichi Sawamura wouldn’t be walking out of his life completely and leaving today.

Not like this. Not without him.

If you would have asked Kuroo what he would have thought he might be doing that afternoon, he never would have been able to guess correctly. This day wasn’t going how Kuroo had expected, at all. It was going every kind of wrong a day could go, and in a mere matter of minutes.

It had started fine. In fact, the whole thing had really started yesterday.

One of Kuroo’s best friends had come to Tokyo to visit with him. He and Daichi had been friends since high school, always complimenting each other’s personalities and getting along almost immediately. They even went to the same university for a few years, living as roommates, before Sawamura’s mother became ill and he decided to transfer closer to home. Kuroo thought of Daichi as his best friend, after Kenma Kozume…but then Kenma was always more like family.

The two had spent all of yesterday like they always did when Daichi came to town. Kuroo picked him up at the train station, and the two of them walked to his apartment to drop off Daichi’s bag. Then they would generally fool around with video games for a while, maybe have a few beers and chat about work or mutual acquaintances.

Kuroo would laugh at how bad his friend was at the games. His usual playing partner being Kenma, it was a nice change for Kuroo to see that he _could_ actually win against someone else.

Eventually, Kuroo would poke and prod Daichi until his guest would finally give in and tell Kuroo what he wanted for dinner.

Sawamura had always been perfectly polite, a model citizen—something Kuroo used to tease him for relentlessly, even giving him the terribly insulting nickname “Prim” because of his straight-laced, prim and proper persona. Kuroo enjoyed driving Daichi mad with the name, especially during their years as roommates. He found it even funnier after Kenma pointed out how prissy it sounded…something Daichi Sawamura was most certainly not.

Even though he would eventually drop the pet name, Daichi was still, to this day, as prim and proper as always. Sawamura never wanted to put people out about anything. He didn’t want to suggest something that the other party might not enjoy eating. So getting him to choose was like pulling teeth.

It never actually mattered, however, because Daichi almost always ended up requesting the same thing. There was a place downtown that was secretly Kuroo’s favorite, with _the absolute best_ seafood dishes. Daichi always chose to eat there when he came, even though Kuroo was almost certain Daichi would have preferred barbeque or one of the excellent ramen shops. Sawamura always waved it off, claiming he didn’t really eat good seafood all that often.

The previous night, it had been more of their usual pattern. They had taken the train and hit a few of the shops Daichi liked before going to the restaurant. The two of them picked at each other over the predictable selections, but stole bites from both dishes. Daichi would try to block Kuroo with his chopsticks, which only made Kuroo snicker more.

Kuroo liked that. He liked teasing Daichi until the more stern man gave up and joined in his ridiculousness. It felt like some small victory, and something about seeing Daichi have fun like that filled Kuroo with a certain sort of pride.

After dinner, Kuroo always had big plans. Sawamura looked like an excitable kid whenever Kuroo drug him someplace in Tokyo he had yet to see, and Kuroo enjoyed it so much that he _always_ made sure to do just that.

This time it wasn’t somewhere new, although it was new in that Kuroo had never taken him at night. The landmark was even more amazing when it was all lit up like an enormous Christmas tree. Up in the observation deck of the Skytree, Daichi was more excitable than ever seeing Tokyo from such a high vantage point—seeing all the twinkling, flashing signs shining in the dark.

He walked around the crowd, occasionally looking through the glass floor, until he found what he was looking for and stopped.

Kuroo watched amused as Sawamura crouched down in front of one of the huge glass panels and sighed almost dreamily.

Crouching beside him, Kuroo asked, “You’re _not_ looking at what I think you’re looking at, are you?”

Daichi nodded and shrugged. “I still like it better.”

“You liar!” Kuroo exclaimed, shoving him with his shoulder. “How can you possibly like Tokyo Tower better than this?”

Daichi looked at him with a smile so big and bright, Kuroo actually felt his breath catch. Sawamura really was adorable this way. Kuroo would have to be blind not to notice that much.

“That’s easy. It’s Karasuno orange at night,” he said, shoving Kuroo right back, before standing and slipping his hands into his pant pockets.

Kuroo shook his head feigning disbelief. He had done it on purpose. Kuroo knew Daichi would never give up his love for Tokyo Tower, and Kuroo couldn’t love that about him more. It was always a pleasant reminder that, at heart, Daichi was still the same, small town boy he had met at volleyball camp all those years ago.

“I can’t take you anywhere, you crow! You’re such a nerd,” Kuroo said, grabbing one of Daichi’s hands out of his pocket and leading him to the elevator.

“Hey! I wasn’t done yet!” his friend protested, pulling his arm taut and digging in his feet, successfully stopping the two of them flat.

Kuroo looped an arm through one of Daichi’s to give himself more leverage, so he could pull Daichi’s solid build forward. “Yes, you are,” Kuroo grunted. “I’m bored. Let’s go watch the movie we rented.”

He could tell by the look on Daichi’s face that he was on the verge of getting his way, but Daichi hesitated in his usual effort to be difficult. “I wanted to get something for Suga out of the gift shop.”

There really wasn’t a reason not to let Daichi go into the gift shop, except that Kuroo had already been at work that day. He was exhausted. He was bored. He wanted to hurry up and get home, where he wouldn’t have to share Daichi’s attention with others.

“Next time—unless you want to stick around and say something to that group of girls that have been staring at how hot you are since we came up,” Kuroo taunted.

The women were really very attractive. It was more than obvious to Kuroo that they would have been interested in coming home with the two of them. Maybe they were a little on the young side…early college, perhaps? But then that wasn’t really the problem.

“Shut up,” Daichi hissed nervously, looking at the group and then away to the side uncomfortably. He was already inching himself behind Kuroo to use him as a shield, when a particularly cute one waved to him, with a gorgeous, friendly smile on her face. Daichi awkwardly waved back before bee-lining it for the elevator, tips of his ears an outstanding shade of scarlet.

Kuroo always knew how to get what he wanted. It wasn’t necessary for him to have pointed out the girls. He knew how Daichi always reacted. But then there was always the chance Daichi might surprise them all and finally do something about the excessively naughty looks he always seemed to garner. So, Kuroo justified the taunting by telling himself it was really more of a _favor_ for his friend.

Besides that, he liked making Daichi flustered. It was especially funny— and maybe kind of cute somehow… _but cute like a helpless puppy_ , Kuroo assured himself. Nothing seemed to make Daichi more nervous than when Kuroo mentioned girls thinking he was sexy. Sometimes, it was almost like Sawamura wasn’t even interested in girls, which was a ridiculous notion to Kuroo. He laughed about it several more times on the train ride home.

Back at his apartment, after showers, Daichi settled down on the futon, while Kuroo clicked on the television.

“Come on, Sawamura. You know I can’t pay attention to the movie if you’re in the floor. I feel guilty making you sit down there,” Kuroo reminded him for the millionth time.

“And you know I’ll fall asleep if I lay on your bed. Sleeping on a futon isn’t exactly unusual,” Daichi shot back.

He shrugged his response.

Kuroo knew, but he didn’t hate not being the only person in his bed. It was better than spending the movie feeling like an asshole while he hogged the only comfortable spot in the apartment. Even when they had been roommates in college, Daichi would often fall asleep leaning on Kuroo in some way or another. Tetsurou had become so used to it, that it had been a fairly difficult adjustment for him once Daichi had moved back home.

“Why do you even put down the futon, then?” Daichi asked, dragging the extra blanket into the bed, where Kuroo was already curling around him like a very long, oversized cat.

Kuroo had always been a cuddly person, and Daichi was one of the few that never failed to indulge him…along with Kenma and two of his other, more touchy-feely friends, Lev Haiba and Koutarou Bokuto. Almost always feeling cold, Kuroo reveled in the extra body heat put off by his more hot-natured friends (except for Kenma. Those two were just always cold together.), especially Daichi, who got so hot in his sleep that he generally slept in only thin cotton shorts. He was like Kuroo’s own personal furnace.

Finally comfortable after wriggling until he found just the right spot, Kuroo looked up at Daichi like the answer should be obvious, responding, “I mean— because that’s what you do, right?”

After watching the movie for a while, Kuroo noticed that Daichi was starting to nod off, head lolling back toward the wall.

“Sawamura,” he called, poking and pinching playfully at his friend’s exposed side, and earning him one of his favorite of Daichi’s dismayed expressions.

“Don’t, asshole!” Daichi scolded, smashing his hand against Kuroo’s face until he rolled over and sat up.

Laughing his most ridiculous laugh, Kuroo claimed, “You’re too sensitive. I keep telling you to lighten up. Anyhow, you’re falling asleep already. Switch with me.”

Daichi did as he was told, too tired to argue. He laid so that his head used Kuroo’s lap as a pillow, and just like he had done dozens of times when they lived together, Kuroo carded fingertips through Daichi’s soft, short hair. It soothed them both; a texture Kuroo had always enjoyed, a calming way his friend fell fast asleep.

Kuroo shook his head with a grin. It was hilarious to him that Daichi never could make it through a whole movie anymore. In their college days, they would marathon whole series, but as he had taken on caring for his mother and teaching elementary school back in Sendai, Daichi rarely had enough energy to stay awake like that now.

He took a moment to muse that it wasn’t fair for a guy to look as handsome as Sawamura did when he slept. There wasn’t a hair out of place. He seemed completely relaxed, and he didn’t even snore. Kuroo imagined he probably looked ridiculous, himself, head smooshed between two pillows, drool leaking out onto the sheet.

Silently, he switched off the movie, plunging the room into darkness. Kuroo slid himself down against his mattress, and joined Daichi in his sleep.

The next day was much the same, with the two getting along like they always did, until mid-afternoon when Kuroo said, “I’ve got a surprise for you, dude.”

“What?” Daichi asked skeptically. Admittedly, Kuroo wasn’t the best at surprises, so he barely managed to feign being offended by Daichi’s expression.

“My girlfriend’s coming over later to meet you, and then we’re all going dancing. One of her friends is meeting us at the club because I showed her your picture and she was interested in hooking up with you! Mei said you really sounded like her friend’s type.” Kuroo had said all this with his eyebrows raised like he was expecting a clap on the shoulder for being such a great bro-friend.

Daichi’s mouth was now formed in straight line, however, clearly conveying his extreme irritation.

“Are you kidding? Again? You have _another_ girlfriend?” he questioned, words clipped, completely ignoring the point Kuroo was trying to make.

“Yeah, I told you that,” Kuroo remarked.

Even to himself it sounded like he was trying to gloss over having forgotten. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t remember everything he and Daichi talked about with one another. So, he had left out one little detail…so what? Was that reason enough for his friend to look so bothered?

Face more annoyed than before, Daichi said, “No, Kuroo. You definitely did not mention that. I would remember if you told me about a new girl. You just dumped the last one a few weeks ago—and why the hell are you _just_ now telling me that I’m supposed to meet this woman in—what? In a few hours?!”

Kuroo sheepishly corrected, “About an hour, actually.”

“God,” Daichi groaned, cradling his head in his hands at Kuroo’s dining table.

He wasn’t sure why Daichi was suddenly so irritated. Kuroo knew Daichi didn’t like last minute changes in plans, and it was true that Kuroo had avoided telling him until now because he thought it would be less likely that Daichi would back out…but it wasn’t the first time Kuroo had done this.

“It’s not that big of a deal, right? I mean…you know me…” he said with his cockiest grin, hoping it would be explanatory enough to sway his friend. Kuroo found he was often able to get back on Sawamura’s good side through the years, with that grin.

Running a palm down his face and shaking his head, Daichi heaved a loud sigh.

There was a long, heavy silence before he asked, “How long are you going to keep dangling me from this thread, Tetsurou?”

It wasn’t what Kuroo had expected. It wasn’t unusual for Daichi to get annoyed with Kuroo for pulling these last minute kind of double date attempts, but most of the time, Sawamura went along with it anyway. Still prim and proper. Still not wanting to make waves.

That wasn’t happening this time. This time he looked almost wounded somehow.

“What thread? What are you talking about?”

“Damn it, Kuroo,” Daichi huffed. Then his voice changed from irritated to plain angry. “Damn it! I’ve had enough. I really just don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Sawamura stood from the table slowly and walked to the bathroom, grabbing the few of his things still on the counter and throwing them in his duffel bag. As he walked to the bedroom to scan for items he may have dropped, Kuroo suddenly realized Daichi was so angry that he was about to cut the weekend short.

“Do _what_ anymore? I’m really not following. Where are you going? You’re going home? Are you saying you don’t want to be friends with me anymore? I mean, that’s not it, right?”

Kuroo suddenly felt frantic, as anxiety bubbled up inside of him. Where was this coming from all of the sudden? This wasn’t something Kuroo had ever even considered possible. Besides Kenma, Daichi was the only one of his friends that he had never, for a moment, thought might leave him behind as they grew older. Many times, he had pictured their friendship as a pair of crotchety old men.

“Yeah,” Daichi exhaled deeply, closing his eyes to avoid Kuroo’s hurt expression. “Yes. That’s-that’s what I’m saying. I don’t think I can keep being your friend, Tet. I’m sorry.”

“Just like that? _Why_?! Because I asked you to come out with me and my girlfriend?! You really hate being a third wheel _that_ much all of the sudden? Kenma does it all the time,” Kuroo complained, his breath starting to come shallow.

“Fucking hell! I’m not Kenma!” Daichi shouted, startling Kuroo. It wasn’t often that Sawamura rose that deep, thunderous voice of his, and he almost never had at Kuroo. It was somewhat frightening.

Trying to calm down, Daichi started again. “I’m not Kenma, and it’s not about being a third wheel or even a double date. I’ve never…I don’t think of you—I mean, you’re kidding, right? You really have no idea why I might be angry? You honestly didn’t intend for _any_ of this to happen?” Daichi was gesturing wildly between the two of them, incredulity overtaking his expression.

“Intend? Why would I want you to stop being my friend? You know you’re important to me! You’ve always been there for me when I needed you. We have a good time, don’t we? I swear I didn’t know this would piss you off like this. I’m sorry for not telling you about going out in the first place, okay?”

Kuroo was beginning to shake. This shouldn’t be happening. It was all no big deal. If he could take it back, he would. If Daichi wanted him to call and cancel the plans with the girls, Kuroo would, right this second. He didn’t give a shit about anyone else just then, Kuroo was so afraid for their friendship to end.

This wasn’t happening right now. He wasn’t going to let it.

Daichi’s voice roared again, causing Kuroo to actually flinch at the somewhat scary look on his face. “That’s not enough, Kuroo! It’s not enough for me anymore! I can’t do this!”

“And I asked you why the hell not?!” Kuroo shouted back, just as thunderous, crowding Daichi’s frame, wondering if he could intimidate him into clearer answers.

Daichi never was one to fall for Kuroo’s provocation. It only ever happened when Sawamura _allowed_ it to happen.

“You really are an idiot sometimes!” Daichi shouted, ducking under Kuroo’s arms and grabbing his phone from the table to pocket it.

“Wh-“ but Sawamura gave him no chance to respond.

“How can you not see the power you hold over people? Any time I try to break out of this cycle we get ourselves into, you know just the thing to say to reel me back in…and right when I’m in over my head, you hit me with some bullshit like, ‘Hey, come have dinner with me and my new girlfriend.’ I just—I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“ _Reel you_ back in? That’s what friends are supposed to do!”

“No! No. Don’t pull that shit now, Kuroo. Guys don’t really text each other in the middle of the night to say, ‘I’ve been thinking about you all week. Why won’t you call me back? I miss your voice.’ They don’t invite a guy friend over to their house and crawl all over him on the couch while both of them are in next to nothing! Guys don’t usually tell their friends how ‘hot’ they look or drag them all over town with their fingers laced together, Kuroo! I mean, how did you expect me to take all that after all this time?”

Daichi’s voice cracked and he clenched his fists and jaw closed to shut himself up.

It hurt Kuroo. It really did hurt him to know something that had started out seeming so minor to him had set Daichi off this badly, but where this conversation seemed to be going, Kuroo wasn’t sure he could allow himself to follow.

“Sawamura, that’s just how I-“

“Great! That’s great! I know it doesn’t mean anything to you. I get it now. I really do. It’s _fine_ , okay?” Daichi looked him in the eye to stress the point. “But it’s not _just_ how _I_ do things, and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do _this_ with you. It’s too many years now. I have to end this thing, alright?”

Discouraged beyond control, Kuroo protested, “No. It’s not all right. So, you’re just not going to talk to me again?”

Sawamura stared down at his feet, response flat and cold. “Certainly not for a while. I need some time…a lot of time.”

“Dai-“

“It just…” he inhaled audibly, “I’ve been stupid. I let you get my hopes up. I keep letting you, and it all— it just hurts too much.”

None of this was real. There had to be a reset button for this day somewhere. He needed him to stay. He couldn’t let Daichi get out the door.

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay? I can do things differently. Whatever you want. You’re my best friend. Don’t leave me alone like this. You know I don’t do well alone.”

Daichi asserted, “You’re not alone, Kuroo! You always use that against me, but you have Kenma…you have a fucking girlfriend now, for god’s sake!”

He did have Kenma. Kenma would always be there for Kuroo. Their bond ran deeper than blood. That much was true, but-

“It’s not the sa-“

Expecting the protest, Daichi interrupted, “Maybe it’s not the same. You’ll be fine. I know you will. People always just flock to you, you know? You’ll make all sorts of new friends. I just—I need a change.” Daichi looked at him earnestly, and asked, “Don’t you want me to have a chance to be happy, too?”

“I don’t understand why you can’t be my friend and just be happy here with me!” Kuroo roared his confusion.

“Fuck, Kuroo! You really want to push it _this_ hard? You want to see me crack? _Fine_. It’s not like I can lose anything more at this point. I’m sorry for this,” he said before Daichi was crowding back into his space, gripping a tight fistful of Kuroo’s collar, and tugging him down.

Sawamura’s lips were on Kuroo’s and they were frantic and hungry and plush and _Oh my god_.

Gasping loudly and pushing Daichi back forcefully, Kuroo put his fingers to his lips to shout, “What the fuck, Sawamura?! What the fuck?!”

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, looking devastated in a way Tetsurou had never known he could, Daichi muttered, “You get it now, right? _I can’t_. I can’t stay around you anymore. It hurts.”

Kuroo’s expression was frozen in confusion. That couldn’t have been what he thought it was. Daichi couldn’t have just kissed him like that. Kuroo wanted so badly to deny it, but he could still feel the faint heat on his lips where Daichi’s had been.

“How long, Daichi?” Kuroo asked quietly, fingers distracted by moisture on his lower lip that was not his own.

Still not daring to hold eye contact, Daichi asked, “Does that even matter? I’m leaving, it’s not something you have to wor-“

“ _How long_?”

What kind of a question was “ _Does that even matter?”_ Of course, it mattered!

It called into question their entire friendship. It threw Kuroo into a tailspin as he realized maybe Daichi didn’t consider him a friend in the first place. Maybe he had only stuck around because he was attracted to Kuroo, though at his core, Kuroo knew he didn’t really believe that. He knew he really meant something to Sawamura.

Kuroo hadn’t even known Daichi was gay. He had never asked about Sawamura’s dating life at all, even though he had shoved his own down Daichi’s throat. Kuroo felt his stomach twist into knots as he considered why he had never asked such basic knowledge of his friend.

He knew the answer. He knew it was because it had scared him to think of Daichi with anyone at all. He knew it was the reason he was always trying to set Daichi up, so he would have some sort of control over who Daichi was with, but he didn’t want to accept that—not when he had forced Daichi to watch his ridiculous relationships. It was one train wreck after another trying to prove to himself that he wasn’t attracted to a man…that he hadn’t been attracted to a man for his entire adult life.

Looking at Daichi now, seeing the pain he had caused by his own selfish motives, Kuroo felt truly sick to his stomach.

Daichi sounded defeated, replying, “I couldn’t even tell you an exact time. I just know it happened, and I can’t do anything about it anymore. I tried. _I swear, Kuroo_ , I tried every damn thing I could think of. I never expected it to get so out of… _God_. Just—just let me go with what little pride I have left, would you?”

Sawamura lifted his duffel bag and slung the strap over his shoulder. Posture slumped, looking somehow smaller, he headed across the apartment to the door. He would catch the next train back to Miyagi. He would probably get a new phone number to avoid unwanted complications. He would leave Kuroo alone to sort out this afternoon—to sort out _everything_ alone.

Daichi wouldn’t be back to see if Kuroo were okay. He wouldn’t take those midnight texts when Kuroo wasn’t doing so great and needed someone—needed Daichi, specifically. He wouldn’t set Kuroo’s heart instantly at ease with that deep, warm laugh or those dark eyes that somehow sparked life back into Kuroo when all he wanted was to die.

“Don’t,” Kuroo breathed out quietly, as Daichi’s hand moved to open the front door.

“Kuroo,” that deep voice scolded, though he didn’t turn around.

“Don’t go, Daichi.” His own voice was a desperate plea and he didn’t care.

Turning the handle, Daichi said, “I have to. I can’t do things as they are now, and it’s just-“

“I said don’t go, damn it!” Kuroo growled, hand shooting past and slamming the door closed again.

Sawamura’s head drooped.

This was a joke. This was all some sick joke. Kuroo felt if there were a god watching, he must be having a grand time at their expense.

He had liked Daichi first.

Kuroo had fallen for the handsome Karasuno captain easily during their first training camp. He had wanted to be with him badly—told Kenma as much, but when Kuroo’s father found out he was attracted to men, everything was over.

Kuroo’s father made certain everything was over with his words and his fists, again and again, going so far as to send him to the emergency room until Kuroo took the message to heart. Kuroo’s father was as tall as he was and nearly twice the weight. Nobody angered that man and got away with it, Tetsurou especially.

He really shouldn’t even have stayed friends with Daichi, but he couldn’t bear to let him go completely. Many times, when things were grim, Daichi had been the one to keep Kuroo sane. The things Sawamura had done for Kuroo’s pain without ever knowing were irreplaceable. Kuroo would never be able to discard such a man, and now Daichi had the balls to kiss him like that and say he’s leaving because Kuroo had spent years breaking his heart…

“Like hell I would really let you walk out of here after saying something like that to me! Look at me, for fuck’s sake!”

He grabbed Daichi by the shoulder and tried to turn him around, but he was forcefully shrugged off. Gripping Sawamura by both shoulders, Kuroo practically flung him around and slammed his back flat against the door, glaring angrily at him.

Daichi didn’t even have enough time to blink before Kuroo was against him, shoving his lips to the pair in front of him—to the man’s lips he had imagined kissing long ago, before his father had finished beating the idea that kissing men was wrong into a young and frightened Tetsurou.

Kuroo kissed him hard, leaned his body against the other as he tugged Daichi’s lower lip into his mouth. He tasted salty and sweet and better than any kiss Kuroo had tasted before.

Unlike the first time, Daichi didn’t kiss him back. He stood firm and stubborn, fists clenched at his sides and Kuroo wondered if he had imagined the whole situation earlier. Maybe Daichi’s lips hadn’t really been moving against his moments ago. Maybe he had imagined it in his longing for Sawamura to stay.

It didn’t matter if it were true now. Kuroo was already here, and he cupped Daichi’s jaw in spite of the shorter man’s iciness. He pressed his hips forward against him and let Daichi feel what he wanted him to feel. Daichi needed to know now that Kuroo wasn’t the only one of them with power to completely undo the other—and that it wasn’t Daichi alone who had imagined their bodies together.

It was enough. Feeling Kuroo _want_ him, really want him like that…it broke something in Sawamura, and when it did, it broke with the force and rush of raging water through a cracked dam.

Daichi pushed Kuroo off him. His strong arms drove Kuroo backward until he almost crashed into the opposite wall. Daichi’s eyes were wide and wild as he strode forward, shoved Kuroo back again until his shoulders smacked against the wall, and crushed his lips over his. Kuroo’s eyes closed and he huffed out a trembling breath of relief.

 _Oh_ _god._ He was _trembling_? Had he always wanted Daichi this badly—needed him like this? Kuroo knew that answer easily now.

Knew it with the way Daichi’s tongue, working hot over his, caused a shudder down his spine. Knew it with the way Daichi drew a moan from his lips just from resting a single large hand around his hip. Kuroo knew he had always needed this from Daichi by the way his body blazed as Daichi pressed the full weight of his pelvis against him, rolling his hips and groaning when he felt Kuroo’s hardened length against his.

Kuroo gripped a fist in Sawamura's hair, eagerly lapping his tongue in long, well-practiced strokes over Sawamura’s. Nudging his thigh upwards slightly, Kuroo urged Daichi to take it farther.

Daichi moved both of his hands down to Kuroo’s waist to comply. His fingers followed cotton fabric up the ripple of muscle, before yanking the shirt off Kuroo’s shoulders roughly, in one swift motion. Kuroo returned the gesture, never more desperate to have someone’s skin against his own.

Daichi immediately had their upper bodies pressing back together, running his fingers up Kuroo’s sides… letting hands linger, as Kuroo felt like he may pass out from the sheer heat coming off Daichi’s skin. Kuroo _needed_ this. He _wanted_ it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Kuroo was right to be desperate, because everywhere Daichi’s skin now touched his, longing caught fire that sizzled and cracked feverishly along his nerve-endings.

Kuroo reached his own frantic hands to Daichi's arms, taking in the firm muscles of his biceps and shoulders… sliding down the defined back he had spent years convincing himself he _didn’t_ want to drag his tongue and teeth across.

Sawamura gripped his hand over Kuroo’s ass, pulled him forward again to grind rough friction across their clothed erections.

Kuroo could do nothing but gasp. His mind was barely functioning when he growled, “ _Fuck,_ Prim!”

Sawamura paused in the middle of rolling his hips, looked up to meet Kuroo’s golden eyes with surprise carved on his impassioned face. He had stopped completely, and Kuroo flinched at the loss of momentum.

The panting between the two of them seemed almost to echo in the otherwise silent apartment.

“Y-you haven’t called me that in a long time,” Daichi stammered, voice somehow even deeper—sexier.

Sliding his fingers up the line of Daichi’s spine and relishing the way chocolate eyes lolled back and his mouth fell open slightly, Kuroo huffed, “I thought you hated it. Besides, it seems you were a lot less prim and proper than you led me to believe. You still hate it, right?”

“I do,” he responded gruffly. “I did. It’s stupid…but it was something you gave me. I-I guess I’ve missed it...a little,” Daichi turned his head, too embarrassed by his flushed cheeks to look at Kuroo.

Kuroo’s heart hammered at the way this walking-definition of a macho man suddenly looked so shy and so cute over one simple word Kuroo had uttered. He squeezed his eyes shut and brought his forehead down to rest against Sawamura’s. Kissing the tip of Daichi’s nose he laughed quietly and asked, “Did I ruin the mood?”

“Mm-mm,” Daichi hummed, leaning forward to breathe hot against Kuroo’s ear, “Say it again.”

Kuroo smiled and whispered against Daichi’s jaw, “I like it when you’re bossy, Prim.”

A raw, keening noise left Daichi before he was running his tongue expertly around the shell of Kuroo’s ear, earning himself a shudder from the taller man. Kuroo laughed at the way such a silly, undignified pet name affected Sawamura. That laugh was quickly stifled for a loud gasping, “ _Fuck!_ ” as Daichi tugged the lobe of Kuroo’s ear between his teeth, driving their pelvises together again.

Sawamura’s hand flew to the button on Kuroo’s jeans, quickly flipping it open. He unzipped Kuroo’s pants and slid his hand down the front, tightly wrapping his palm around Kuroo’s length.

Kuroo quaked at his touch, moaning and pushing his hips up against Daichi's palm, making it clear how he felt about the touch. Now he was the one making frantic sounds of need, which seemed to drive Sawamura wild, pumping faster and faster, gripping Kuroo tighter—tearing down every wall between them with the rough slide of his hand.

Kuroo’s breath left him harsh and fast as he drug more friction against Daichi’s grip on his cock. He was grinding hard against it, but this wasn’t exactly what he wanted. It felt amazing, but he knew what would be more pleasurable for him right now.

Daichi was the one that had spent these years waiting. Daichi was the one left wanting after Kuroo’s confusion intruded on their friendship. Daichi was the one that had stayed by his side, patiently hoping he would realize what Kuroo’s father had stolen from them…and all Kuroo wanted was to reward Daichi for those years of loneliness.

Kuroo gripped hard around Daichi’s wrist and pulled his hand from around him. A frustrated breath left Daichi and he grasped at the edge of Kuroo’s jeans, brows furrowing together. "Too…” he panted. “Too much?”

Nipping at Sawamura’s neck and offering him one of his signature cocky grins, Kuroo shook his head.

“Not enough,” he smiled, kissing Daichi deeply, before Kuroo’s lips and tongue were dragging down from neck to chest to sculpted abs; hands resting against one the most ridiculously perfect asses Kuroo had ever feasted his eyes on.

Licking long, lazy strokes at the skin below Daichi’s navel, Kuroo easily pushed Daichi’s jeans to the floor and settled on his knees in front of him.

“Oh god! Kuroo, you’re not-,“ Daichi exclaimed, though his voice was almost too hoarse and strained to be heard.

Looking up into those brown eyes devilishly, Kuroo pushed Daichi’s boxer briefs down to his ankles. “I most certainly am.”

Kuroo stared at the cock he now had gripped in his palm. It was the first time he had touched one that wasn’t his own, and he was curious about everything. It was wide, thick and felt heavy in his hand. Daichi was circumcised whereas he was not, and Kuroo found he liked the look of it.

He _loved_ the look of it, though he suspected that had more to do with who it belonged to than anything else.

Grasping it firmly at the base, he held eye contact with Daichi and drug a teasing lick from his hand to the tip, before smirking and asking Daichi, “Unless you don’t want me to?”

Daichi’s mouth fell open wide. If it could have unhinged, it would have. “You’re a teasing bastard when it comes to this, aren’t you?”

“Dunno,” Kuroo answered, flicking his tongue across Daichi’s swollen, pink head. “Never done this before.”

“Shit!” Daichi exclaimed, voice a high-pitched whine, hands almost gripping Kuroo’s hair before flexing and changing direction to his own, as if he were afraid he wouldn’t be able to hold back like that.

Kuroo watched with glee as Daichi continued staring hungrily, mouth forming a string of silent curses, as Kuroo’s lips opened and his tongue pulled Daichi’s cock into his mouth.

Daichi was left completely unable to conceal his noises now. His hips leaned in towards Kuroo, desperate for the wet sensation he offered. Though his body was reacting so eagerly, Daichi still tried to give Kuroo an out.

“Don’t… _nn_ …something like this is too… _ah_ …K-Kuroo you shouldn’t… _hnn!_ ”

Kuroo hummed a laugh around Daichi’s cock. Even like this, he was still trying to take care of the other person, trying to make sure no one was uncomfortable.

He was grateful that Sawamura wasn’t able to protest for long, dissolving into helpless grunts of pleasure.

Kuroo liked the weight of Daichi’s cock against his tongue. He liked the saltiness and that smell of sex. He thought briefly that maybe it was odd he didn’t feel nervous to be on his knees with a cock in his mouth for the first time, but then again it was Daichi. Though they had been ignored for many years now, some of Kuroo’s earliest sexual fantasies involved him on his knees for the captain of Karasuno’s volleyball club.

That brought a different set of worries, however. He was worried maybe Daichi wouldn’t enjoy this—worried that maybe he was terrible at it. Kuroo reminded himself to just relax, to try the things he himself liked in a blowjob.

Kuroo moved down Daichi’s shaft and back up again, spiraling his tongue around the smooth head. He bobbed back down to the base, taking Daichi into him until the back of his throat felt ready to give. Gagging slightly, he repeated the process, allowing thick drool to slick Daichi’s cock, easing the bob of his head. Kuroo hollowed his cheeks, sucking loudly. Sloppy, wet slurps filled the room.

Daichi’s body began to shake heavily and he leaned forward, supporting himself with a fist pressed against the wall. He didn’t seem to be able to help resting his forehead against that fist. It seemed like the pleasure was overwhelming Daichi so much that he was struggling to keep his eyes open—dizzy from so much feeling—but there was no way he was going to look away from the sight of Kuroo’s lips wrapped around him.

Kuroo was humming against Daichi’s cock, which had his hips thrusting forward into Kuroo’s mouth. Daichi moaned and pressed further still, until Kuroo’s head was knocking softly against the wall. Resting a hand behind Kuroo’s head to dampen its impact, Daichi rolled his hips against Kuroo’s lips, and _fuck, what a turn on_!

Sawamura moaned out his euphoria loudly, as he pumped hard into Kuroo’s mouth. It was what Kuroo had been longing to hear. The sign that he was giving Daichi the pleasure he badly wanted to provide. Kuroo couldn't stop himself from humming and moaning desperately against his thick cock, taking him even more eagerly to the back of his throat, swallowing back the sweet, salty mix of his precum.

Daichi clutched Kuroo’s wild hair, and Kuroo realized his own underwear had become a sticky, wet mess. He wanted Daichi so very badly, it almost frightened him. He wasn’t sure what was happening other than immediate release of tension that had been bubbling just below his surface for years, but he definitely wanted to get much more physical with Sawamura. He felt like he would give anything to feel Daichi tightly sliding down over his cock.

 

And then everything was ruined, and it was all his fault.

 

There was a loud knock at the door and the two of them jumped apart. Looking up frantically, Kuroo tried in vain to take a step large enough to make it there in time, because when he had slammed the door closed behind Daichi he hadn’t locked it.

The handle was already turning and he knew disaster was about to walk in.

“Hey, sweetie! I’m a little early, but I wanted to make sure I looked okay before your fr-“

Kuroo was trembling heavily, hands out and open to her, as if that may stop whatever was coming next. He quickly glanced over his shoulder, to see Daichi still facing the wall, forehead pressed against its surface, clothes now in his hand. His body shook just as hard as Kuroo’s did.

Kuroo’s girlfriend stood stark still, door open behind her, face drained of all color.

“What is this?” she asked quietly, eyes taking a dark turn as she scanned the scene.

“I-“ Kuroo started, buttoning his jeans.

“What _the fuck_ is this, Tetsurou?” she questioned even louder. “Who is this? You’re—what? You’re bi? Gay? Are you fucking gay, you disgusting piece of shit?!”

Kuroo flinched at the hateful words, but he wasn’t surprised by her venom. He never chose girls for their personalities. That way there was always an easy excuse for him to end the relationship.

“I know this is bad. I know,” he said, stepping towards her like he was approaching a wild animal. “-but I wasn’t planning on this or anything. I didn’t mean for this to—“

His cheek burst with pain as the hard slap of her palm stung sharp across his face.

“I deserve that, I know, but look, he—“

“This is _sick_ , Tetsurou! This is gross. What am I supposed to be? Some cover for you? You fucked me while you’ve been experimenting with guys on the side? I think I’m going to vomit!”

“No! I haven’t. We haven’t had sex. We-“

She blanched, “So what? You’re just a ‘little’ gay then? Should I feel grateful that you probably ‘ _just_ ’ had his dick in your mouth and not in your— I really am going to throw up. _Shit_! Do your parents know about this?! Why did you even let your dad set us up? Your father will fucking kill you, you know?”

She continued berating him but Kuroo could no longer make out her words. He was too distracted by Daichi, now fully dressed, grabbing his bag and quickly making his way for the open door.

“Wait!” Kuroo shouted, reaching out for Daichi.

“Seriously?!” his girlfriend exclaimed, smacking his hand back down. “Why would you stop him? He needs to go. This doesn’t concern him now. He should feel as disgusted by what you’ve done as I do.”

The sentence was enough to pause Daichi’s exit, but only briefly. He shook his head, broad shoulders settled low and overcome, and he continued to leave.

“Daichi, wait a minute!” Kuroo shouted again, trying to move his flailing girlfriend— _God, had he really forgotten her name in the middle of all of this?! Oh! Mei!—_ from blocking him.

“ _That_ was Daichi?! I couldn’t tell since you never showed me any pictures of his naked ass! This just gets more and more disgusting! How long have you been doing this? You didn’t tell me he was a fag!”

Kuroo shot her a deadly glare and pushed toward the door, where she tried again to stop him. “If you go after him, this is really over. Don’t think you can come crawling back!”

There wasn’t a hesitation. He moved her out of the way, with a meaningless, “I’m sorry,” before running out of the apartment without shoes or a shirt.

“You’re so going to regret this, Tetsurou! Your dad is going to hear about this shit. He’ll kill you! You might as well tell that bastard to run and hide, because there’s no way your father _doesn’t_ try to end you both,” she shouted after him.

That might be true. More so than ever, considering Mei was the daughter of Kuroo’s father’s boss. He would have to deal with that later. Right now he had to stop Daichi from leaving without him.

“Daichi!” he shouted loudly, nearly caught up to his back. “Please! I asked you to wait!”

Sawamura made no move to stop, so Kuroo caught him by the shirt and turned him around forcefully. “Wait! Why won’t you wait?”

“You need to deal with your girlfriend,” Daichi muttered, his eyes red and watery, cheeks stained with tears he had furiously wiped away. Daichi was trying desperately to look like nothing was wrong, like he hadn’t been interrupted and insulted and threatened and heartbroken—like he wasn’t still a little scared that Kuroo would choose to save face by picking the girl.

It would have been the better choice for both of them, after all…or at least, the easier choice.

“If you think for one second that you’re not a thousand times more precious to me than her, you’ve lost your damn mind, Prim.”

“Shut up,” Daichi scoffed. “I didn’t say you could start calling me that all the time.”

Tetsurou laughed quietly at the awkwardness now thick between them.

“So, please,” Kuroo begged softly, getting to his knees in the parking lot, taking Daichi’s hand in his and squeezing, “-as many times as you want to hear it, _please don’t go_. Not without me, Daichi.”

Daichi dropped down beside him and pulled him into a bear hug, ignoring the stares they garnered, and not mentioning as his shoulder became soaked with Kuroo’s overwhelmed tears.

Kuroo knew there would be hell to pay for getting caught. He had spent so many years convincing himself that being gay was a choice he could talk himself out of, and he didn’t know how that might damage what Daichi really wanted.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to fall for Daichi, but Kuroo wasn’t sure he stood a chance. All he knew for certain, was that he couldn’t keep lying to the both of them any longer.

Daichi deserved to fall really and truly in love…

and so did he…

 

 

**_To Be Continued…_ **


	2. Don't Want Him to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know…for some reason…Daichi texted me to check on you,” Kenma said quietly.
> 
> “Shit! I knew he could hear it in my voice when he called me.” Kuroo sat up again, looking suddenly worried.
> 
> Kenma was a little surprised to know they had already been speaking privately past training camp. It was something he would have been happy about for Kuroo, if it were under different circumstances. “He called you?”
> 
> “Yeah. Doesn’t matter, though. You can’t tell him about this, Kenma…not ever. Not about the other thing either.” Kuroo was dead serious and it was evident that he wouldn't take Kenma's no for an answer.
> 
> “You mean about you liking-“
> 
> “Don’t say it!"

_Taking off his uniform jacket and laying it carefully over a tree branch, Kenma Kozume began climbing up the same tree he had climbed a hundred times before, in order to get into Kuroo’s room when he had the feeling that something wasn’t right. Kuroo thought it was annoying when he just showed up, but there were a lot of things he did that Kenma found beyond irritating. If he really hated Kenma insisting on checking on him, Kuroo never should have taught him how to climb the tree in the first place._

_Kuroo had only started finding it annoying recently, and Kenma knew exactly why._

_“Kuroo,” he whispered through the open bedroom window._

_Tetsurou jumped back from his desk so quickly, he knocked over his chair and flung his volleyball playbook to the floor._

_“Kenma!_ What the hell? _How do you always do that so quietly? You scared the shit out of me just now!” he exclaimed, though he kept his voice to a low whisper, too._

_As his best friend pulled him through the window on the second floor, Kenma whispered flatly, “That makes two of us. Where have you been? You missed school. You missed practice.”_

_Kenma stumbled a bit when he landed on the other side of the window and leaned against Kuroo’s side. Those sharp, golden eyes of his caught the pained flinch that flashed just briefly over Kuroo’s face. Kuroo gave an awkward little laugh and put on much too large a grin, earning him a suspicious glare from his guest._

_Face returning to a serious expression, Kuroo replied, “My mom told you on Monday. I’m sick. I have to miss the week.”_

_Eyes that had been non-stop surveying the boy and the room, settled on Kuroo’s face, watching carefully for minute reactions. Kenma asked, “What’s with the cut on your lip?”_

_“Hm?” Kuroo responded off-handedly, suddenly very interested in a smudge on his desk. He was careful not to make eye contact, waving a hand as he said, “Oh, uh, shaving.”_

Liar.

_Kenma prayed it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was, but the way the week had gone, his hope for that wasn’t very high._

_“You haven’t answered a single text message from me in three days, haven’t been to school in_ four _, and you’re wearing long sleeves in the middle of summer. I know you stay cold, but we were_ just _dying over the heat two weeks ago, at training camp. Tell me what’s going on, or I’ll start talking louder,” he threatened, trying to sound tough._

_“No, you won’t,” Kuroo pointed out. “They’ll hear you, and we’ll both be in trouble.”_

_“No. I won’t,” Kenma admitted slowly, with a sigh._

_Of course he wouldn’t do anything to get Kuroo in even more trouble. His friend knew that idea was complete idle talk. “Just don’t scare me like that, okay? The whole team is worried, asking what’s going on.”_

_Kuroo suddenly looked mortified, reminding Kenma, “You can’t tell them!_ You swore _!”_

_Kenma hated that promise. He hated it with every ounce of his being. He had almost broken it so many times, but both of them were too selfish to let that happen. Kuroo had begged and pleaded, when he was 11 and Kenma was 10, not to report it to the authorities or to anyone that might._

_“You know what’ll happen, Kenma! They’ll take me away. They’ll give me to a foster family, and they’ll separate us. That means I’ll never get to see you again!” He had cried and clung to Kenma, covered in his cuts and bruises. “Don’t do that to me! I don’t want to be all alone. Please don’t let them take me away, Kenma! You have to promise! Swear it!”_

_And he had._

_He had sworn to keep it between them and hoped things didn’t get worse. Things always got worse._

_“What did he do this time?” Kenma asked, still trying to find other signs of injury._

_“Just the lip. I was mouthing off again, so I got off pretty easy, really.” He held out his arms, as if to show that he was fine._

_Kenma didn’t miss the tense jerk of his shoulders when he did._

_“Take off your shirt, Kuroo.”_

_“What? No way!”_

_“Take it off or I will. My guess is if I have to fight you for it, you’ll end up hurting me. We both know you’re bigger and stronger, but I’m getting that shirt.” He had gambled with the knowledge that Kuroo himself was the very opposite of his father. The boy would never hurt anyone intentionally, especially not Kenma._

_“No! No. I’m not going to fight with you, Kenma. You win. Just… be gentle and don’t freak out,” he cautioned, sitting gingerly down onto his low mattress._

_Not even five centimeters of fabric were lifted before Kenma saw the bandaging and halted. He dropped the shirt and took a step back, shaky hand covering his mouth, hoping he could keep himself from screaming with rage._

_“Ken, it’s fine. Everyth-“_

_“No! No, Kuroo. You don’t get to protect me from this…not from this.” Kenma was always the one being protected at school, at games, at practice—anywhere people bullied him, Kuroo was there. He wasn't going to allow it now. He steadied himself and stepped close to Kuroo again. “I’m-I’m gonna take it off now, okay?”_

_Kuroo nodded, “Yeah. Easy on the back of my head.”_

_It wasn’t something Kenma could have seen from his height before, but now he leaned around behind and saw a line of neat stitches traveling down about 8 cm near Kuroo’s left ear._

_“It looks stupid,” Kuroo fretted. “He never hits me above the neck, because it’s harder to hide. They shaved some of my hair to stitch it, so I’ll have to come up with something believable to cover that up for a while.”_

_“Shut up, Kuroo. That’s what you’re worried about? Covering it? What happened? Why did he go off like this?”_

_Lifting the shirt up and off of Kuroo carefully, Kenma was able to see much more damage. His torso was bandaged, likely protecting broken or fractured ribs. His body was bruised and scraped and there were several small cuts._

_“Why did he do this?” he questioned again, voice barely audible as Kenma tried not to lose it._

_Sighing and averting his eyes, Kuroo whispered, “He found those magazines you gave me.”_

_“The porn?” he asked, knowing how horrible Kuroo’s father would react to learning his son was even looking at gay porn, let alone that his son was gay._

_Kuroo nodded shortly._

_If Kenma was holding back the panic before, there was no way he would be able to now. This was his fault? His shaking was taking over without his permission. He was starting to hyperventilate._

No. No. No. Not now! It’s not your turn to cry!

_“Kenma, don’t. Don’t blame yourself. Please. I won’t be able to stand you thinking that. Please. That’s why I didn’t call you. I knew this would happen, but you were trying to help. I should have hid them better,” Kuroo said, voice cracking._

Why did I give him those? _Kenma thought frantically._

_Kenma wasn’t even interested in having sex. The idea didn’t appeal to him in the slightest, but his mother and father were the type that were overly open about such things…always asking him questions, providing him with any answer he might want, giving him material to read or…whatever._

_Although it was embarrassing and annoying, when Kuroo came to him and confessed he might be more attracted to boys than girls, he was fairly confident to talk to him about it. While Kuroo had been a blushing, flustered mess, Kenma had found it to be a perfectly ordinary conversation, and it was easy to support his friend. He loaned him some magazines and a DVD out of the multitude of crap his parents had compiled at home._

_And a year later, when Kuroo had mentioned he might have a crush on the captain of the Karasuno Volleyball Club, Kenma had gone to the store and purchased a book about safe homosexual sex, among other things. He had definitely received some interesting looks for the buy, but that didn’t matter. He would do anything for his best friend, even take on uncomfortable stares from numerous strangers._

_His own parents were constantly drilling home the idea of safe sex, and Kenma knew that wasn’t something that would ever be discussed in Kuroo’s home._

_Kenma thought he had been careful to keep Kuroo safe and prepared in more ways than one. He was the only one that knew this secret, and the only one that knew what kind of man doled out punishment in Kuroo’s home. He told Kuroo not to search for those things on his phone or the computer at home, constantly worried that his father might monitor those things. Kuroo had a metal lock box that he kept everything in, on the top shelf of his closet, behind other odds and ends._

_For his father to have found it and opened it, he must have already suspected something like this, or he was just itching to find a reason to hit Kuroo some more. He had done it less and less as Kuroo had grown and matured, but from time to time, his father still got sick enjoyment out of reminding Tetsurou who had the control._

_It was clear his father must have used some object besides his fists this time, in order for him to have cracked open Kuroo’s head like that._

_While Kenma tried not to turn into a helpless panicky mess, he gently cradled Kuroo’s head and lay him over in his lap, letting him cry about it to the only person that ever saw these tears. There was only one person Kenma could ever be this strong for, and it was because he knew without question that Kuroo would always do the same for him._

_“You know…for some reason…Daichi texted me to check on you,” Kenma said quietly after a long while in silence._

_“Shit! I knew he could hear it in my voice when he called me.” Kuroo sat up again, looking suddenly worried, tears still in his eyes._

_Kenma was a little surprised to know they had already been speaking privately past training camp. It was something he would have been happy about for Kuroo, if it were under different circumstances. “He called you?”_

_“Yeah. We-we talked pretty often before. Doesn’t matter, though. You can’t tell him about this, Kenma…not ever. Not about the other thing either.” Kuroo was dead serious, and it was evident that he wouldn't take Kenma's no for an answer._

_“You mean about you liking-“_

_“Don’t say it! That was just a dumb thing to think in the first place. I mean…it’s gross, right? Wanting to kiss and do stuff like that with other guys? It’s not normal. But then you don’t really feel that kind of thing, right? I shouldn’t have asked you for advice about it, probably.” He turned his eyes away, obviously not wanting to see the hurt expression he knew would be on Kenma's face._

_“Kuroo, that’s not fair," Kenma added, wounded by the statement._

_He muttered, “No. No, probably not. Sorry, Ken…but I can’t do this. It’s not worth all this pain. It can’t be. I’ll just go for girls from now on.”_

_Kenma had certainly been worried already, but this was too much. Even when his father had beat him in the past, he had almost never actually managed to bend Kuroo to his will. For Kuroo to be talking like this, Kenma realized that his father must have been particularly brutal. He wondered how much his best friend had had to endure over the last week._

_Kenma anxiously declared, “I don’t think it works like that. You can’t just pretend you—“_

_“Watch me, Kenma. You watch me! I don’t want this! If this is what he did to me, what will he— I don’t want to fall in love with a man," Kuroo insisted._

_There was a fear in his brave friend's eyes that Kenma had never seen before._

_Quietly, Kuroo continued, "I don’t care how much I think I have a crush on Daichi Sawamura. I will_ never _tell him that, and I most definitely_ will _get a girlfriend and stop fantasizing about him. It's wrong. It’s sick. I know that now.”_

_“Kuroo…”_

_“I probably won’t even talk to him again," he added, sounding relieved._

_“What about games?”_

_Kenma could see the “oh shit" look on Kuroo’s face, and worried about how long his stubborn friend would try to keep up his ridiculous plan. If he had already settled his mind on it, Kuroo could really cause his life a lot more damage than his father already had._

_Kenma made another vow then to make sure he always looked out for Kuroo, the way Kuroo had spent so many years looking out for him._

 

~   ~   ~   ~

“Stop apologizing already,” Kuroo complained, flopping down on the large hotel bed.

“I won’t,” Daichi said, throwing his duffel in the corner and kicking the doorstop in frustration. “I got us run out of your apartment for my last night in town.”

Daichi watched Kuroo roll over onto his stomach and growl into the nearest pillow. “Ugh. I hate when people try to shoulder all the blame when it’s not their fault.”

“It is my fault! If I hadn’t said anything—“

“Mm. Yeah. That’s true. I mean, you may as well have held a gun to my head and invited my girlfriend over so she would show up to an unlocked door, right when your dick was so far down my throat it was playing xylophone on my ribs,” Kuroo crudely exaggerated.

“Oh, god! Kuroo,” Daichi choked, turning the brightest shade of red it was possible for the man to be.

“See? It isn’t your fault. _My_ choices got us in this mess…and we could have stayed. I just—,“ Kuroo paused, sitting to the edge of the bed and catching Daichi’s hand. “-I didn’t want anyone to find us for tonight. Not friends or enemies or delivery guys. Just you and me. We have a lot to talk about, now that we’re not in the middle of some weird, desperate, physical—whatever.”

Daichi hoped he was concealing that he was beginning to shake, hoped he wasn’t actually turning the sickly green that he felt. “Right. Right,” he nodded, dropping next to Kuroo on the big mattress, sitting on his trembling hands.

This was the part where Kuroo would come up with his excuses for how it was all just a fleeting moment and a mistake and…

“Relax.” Kuroo put both hands to Daichi’s jaw and turned his face gently towards him. Daichi was far too skeptical after years of their push and pull, but Kuroo’s expression was soft and honest. “Relax. I don’t regret this afternoon for a second…at least not the parts that were between me and you.”

“But I kind of cornered-“

“I swear to god, Daichi, if you pin this all on yourself again, I’m gonna lose it.” It was clear that Kuroo was absolutely serious and not playing things up for effect, like he normally did. Not much seemed to actually get under Kuroo’s skin, so Daichi found it somewhat unsettling.

“You never would have done _any_ of that without me threatening to end our friendship,” he observed.

Kuroo growled, before barking, “Because I’m stupid! I’m a damn blind moron! Or maybe I just needed a good kick in the head!”

“Hey!” Daichi barked right back, scolding him for insulting himself. “Don’t say shit like that.” Sitting on his knees, and turning his body to face Kuroo, he added, “It doesn’t suit you.”

Kuroo inhaled sharply through his nose, before exhaling long and deep. He leaned over to rest his head against Daichi’s chest. If he was paying close enough attention, Daichi was certain that Kuroo had felt his heartbeat stutter out of time, body aching over moments he had only ever dreamed about until now.

Kuroo fretted, “I don’t _know_ if I can feel romantically for you, Daichi. I mean, I’ve only ever been in relationships with women. I just don’t know that right now.”

“It’s okay,” Daichi replied. Maybe it was pathetic of him to get sucked into something physical when all he had ever wanted was for Kuroo to love him, but he didn’t care. He’d been waiting so long that he was willing to take whatever breadcrumbs Kuroo would offer.

“I can say,” Kuroo started, sitting back up to full height, “I am definitely sexually attracted to you, though. Definitely.” His intense cat-like eyes scanned Sawamura’s figure from top to bottom, the hunger evident on his face in a way that made Daichi’s insides twist.

Daichi swallowed hard, to clear the thick lump in his throat.

Chuckling quietly, Kuroo added, “And with the way you were face-fucking the hell out of me, my guess is that the same is true for you.”

Now Daichi’s was the head that drooped forward, hiding his mortification against Kuroo’s shoulder. “Ugh. I know. I’m sorry. I got really carried away.”

“You did. And it was probably the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever experienced,” Kuroo admitted, urging Daichi to look at him with a nudge of his chin.

“Don’t make shit up,” Daichi muttered nervously.

Shaking his head and taking Daichi’s hand, Kuroo professed, “I know you have no reason to believe me, besides what happened earlier. I know I’ve been an ass all these years and you don’t want to trust me, but Daichi…” Kuroo paused, seeming like he needed to collect himself, but when Kuroo looked back into his eyes again, Daichi found himself unable to breath. “Daichi, what happened in my apartment was a long time coming, and I swear to you, i-it’s never felt that good to be touched before.”

Still flushed, Sawamura admitted with half-lidded eyes, “I have a lot more of that to show you.”

Now it was Kuroo blushing deep crimson and looking at Daichi like he was a whole new person, completely lost for words for the moment.

Daichi grinned, feeling more confident in himself. He decided now was a good time to find out things about Kuroo he had avoided asking until now. “So you really never-?” Daichi asked, gesturing down with his eyes.

“Sucked a dick? No! Why would I?” Kuroo seemed genuinely surprised to get that question, which honestly startled Sawamura.

“I just kind of assumed you were bi or something. I mean, you’ve been giving me mixed signals for years,” Daichi countered.

“I told you, that wasn’t intentional!”

“Yeah,” Daichi agreed slowly.

True. Kuroo _had_ told him, but there had most certainly been numerous signals even from their very first meeting, including a very drunk night in college where Kuroo had confessed he loved him and tried to kiss him. When they woke up the next morning, Kuroo had a massive hangover and blank spots all in his memory of the previous night.

Daichi had expected as much, which is why he didn’t let Kuroo’s kissing get very far, but he had always assumed if he was just patient enough, one day he would hear the same sentiments from a sober Kuroo. It was five years since that night, and Daichi had been wearing thin, but he knew he hadn’t misread that signal.

For Kuroo to claim he was completely straight really threw Daichi for a loop…and kind of worried him.

His thoughts were interrupted when Kuroo basically sputtered, “S-so then, have _you_ sucked… a guy’s…?”

Daichi couldn’t help but snort over the innocence in Kuroo’s question. “Yeah, Kuroo. _I’m gay_. How do you not know that?”

“You never brought anyone to the apartment or to parties.” When he saw Daichi’s eyebrow lift, waiting for him to catch on, Kuroo added, “Or maybe you did, and I just didn’t reali—I think I was trying to look the other way.”

It was more language that concerned Daichi. Maybe this was much too fast for Kuroo, after all. Maybe he shouldn’t be doing anything that would confuse Kuroo more than he already seemed. “So this is probably—“

“I-I have a lot of questions for you. Is that okay?” Kuroo asked, looking equal parts eager and afraid.

Daichi was all too willing to help. Even if it hadn’t been Kuroo, he would have wanted to help someone confused about themselves find even a little peace. “Of course! Anything you want to know. Ask it.”

“Didn’t you have a girlfriend our first year of college?”

“Yes. Yui Michimiya. She was really sweet, wasn’t she? And cute,” Daichi reminisced fondly. “Unfortunately, I realized during sex with her that I was definitely more turned on my men.”

Kuroo’s mouth fell open. “You didn’t! Wow, so many jokes…” Kuroo teased, probably hoping to lighten the tension, until Daichi gave him a warning glare. “…I mean, how embarrassing…for both of you.”

“Very. I felt really bad about it. She was so nice about everything. I guess I got off pretty lucky there,” he added, thinking back to earlier that afternoon and the hateful girl in Kuroo’s apartment. Kuroo seemed to be thinking about her, too, his eyes dark as he nodded agreement that Daichi had been lucky.

“So then, have you…had sex with guys?”

Daichi could feel how uncomfortable Kuroo was with the question. The anxious energy came off of him in waves. If it weren’t for how adorable it suddenly made him seem, Daichi would have found it extremely out of place.

Another soft smile was accompanied with Sawamura admitting, “Yeah. Yeah, definitely.”

Kuroo seemed a little distressed over that answer…maybe even a little jealous. His next question seemed to add to that idea. “Ever been in a relationship with a guy then? Like seriously?”

Daichi watched Kuroo closely as he answered. “Only one. A guy back in Sendai. It didn’t last very long, though…around 10 months.”

“10 months?! I don’t think I’ve ever dated a girl for longer than three!” he exclaimed.

Daichi snickered. He had already known that about Kuroo, and it didn’t really shock him. He would have had a teasing comeback, but then he noticed Kuroo watching him nervously.

“So, why, then?” Kuroo asked. “Why did you end things?”

“He didn’t really like having a boyfriend who was completely in love with someone else,” Sawamura mused.

Kuroo looked somehow relieved, and Daichi could hear it in his voice when he asked, “Me?”

Daichi only smiled tenderly in response, and it seemed to overwhelm his friend. Kuroo cupped Daichi’s jaw and whispered, “Hey, Prim?”

“I’m really going to kill you if you don’t cut it out with that name,” Daichi growled.

“Then kill me, Prim—but first,” he murmured, using his thumb and forefinger to tilt up Sawamura’s chin, “I want to kiss you.”

The words that had just slipped off of Kuroo’s tongue buzzed in Daichi’s ears, beat around rapidly, blurring his vision while carving themselves into the deepest corners of his mind.

Kuroo leaned down slightly and placed a short, simple kiss to Daichi’s lips, but he didn’t leave him wanting for long. Again lips fluttered soft over his own, just a touch longer…a touch deeper, a gentle tug of his bottom lip between Kuroo’s. Resting their foreheads together, the two men stared fondly at one another, the hint of smiles flashing between them.

And then Daichi’s fingers were brushing down the back of Kuroo’s long neck, and Kuroo was pulling him in with a hand resting gently on his hair. Lips tingled with vibration, as Daichi hummed too contentedly into Kuroo’s kiss. Inhaling slowly, Daichi savored the familiar scent of Kuroo’s skin and gave his heart a chance to start beating again, instead of stalling tight against his chest.

Kuroo’s tongue slid over Daichi’s mouth, pushing gently for entrance. Daichi curled his tongue out, catching at Kuroo’s and pulling it in.

Daichi took in every second with all of his senses, as if this might be the only time he would be allowed to sincerely kiss the man he was so in love with. Touch, taste, smell; he drank in the moment deeply, begging it to stick in his memory and never let go.

Daichi’s lips sucked at Kuroo’s tongue erotically, in and out against the strong muscle, until Kuroo whimpered and pulled away.

He panted softly against Daichi’s shoulder and mumbled something unintelligible.

“Hmm?” Daichi questioned, turning Kuroo’s face off the fabric of his shirt.

Kuroo was flushed a soft pink and yearning was evident in his voice as he repeated, “It feels so good.” Daichi grinned while Kuroo reiterated, “ _You_ feel so good.”

With a soft laugh, Daichi lifted Kuroo’s chin and kissed him again, leading the taller man with him as he used his knees to walk them back to the middle of the bed. He lowered himself slowly, giving Kuroo the chance to follow until he hovered over Daichi, arms distractingly flexed on either side of Daichi’s chest.

Breaking their kiss in order for dark brown eyes to roam hungrily over long, lean forearms and biceps, hands following directly behind, Daichi tried to stay composed as he lay alone with Kuroo for the first time. Daichi wanted to see more, wanted to stare at Kuroo the way he had always dreamed, without looking away afraid of being caught.

“Take off your shirt, Tet,” he gruffly ordered.

Kuroo nodded, eyes glassy with lust, as he sat up straddling Daichi’s hips.

 _Fuck_.

Daichi couldn’t keep his hips from tipping up to grind against Kuroo, whose lip trembled out a quiet gasp. Daichi tried desperately to contain himself. He had always suspected that if Kuroo would just touch him, Daichi would be putty in his hands. What Daichi hadn’t expected was for the tall, cocky, confident bastard to melt into his.

The thought was enough to drive a desperate man insane.

Kuroo grabbed the back of his t-shirt and pulled it fluidly over his head, tossing it to the side—sitting tall for Daichi to look as much as he wanted. His grin conveyed the confidence he had over his body, and rightfully so. Kuroo was a work of art.

“How are you still so damn fit?” Daichi whined, hands moving over firm muscle under tight skin, hips tilting up again to relief painful pressure for a moment.

“You’re joking, right?” Kuroo questioned. When Daichi gazed back puzzled by the query, Kuroo rolled his eyes and leaned forward to snatch Daichi’s shirt off, discarding it somewhere behind him with a toss.

He cocked his head and his eyebrows furrowed like the sight below him was almost painful to witness. “You’re thicker than I could ever hope to be,” he mused, slipping his hands wherever they could reach. “-and _everywhere_ at that,” he finished suggestively, dragging his flat, open palm across the wide bulge in Daichi’s jeans, stopping to grip ridiculous thighs.

Sawamura could only groan in response.

“Seriously,” Kuroo started, “What kind of an elementary school teacher is _this_ damned cut?”

“The kind that was a personal trainer to pay for school, I guess,” he replied simply, grabbing the back of Kuroo’s head and forcing their lips together again. Daichi secretly reveled in the attention. The truth was, he worked hard to maintain his athletic build and he was happy to know that it showed.

Kuroo settled his weight onto Daichi. Bare, chiseled chests rubbed back and forth across one another as Kuroo rolled his hips again and again into Sawamura. A short sob of need slipped past Daichi’s lips, before he begged, “Touch me, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo had their pants off before Daichi even managed to make it to his next full thought, wrapping his hand around Daichi’s length on demand and pumping out long, languid strokes. Daichi moaned and grabbed Kuroo back into a kiss before telling him, “Pump us both.”

The look on Kuroo’s face was everything, and Daichi was impressed that it alone hadn’t caused him to cum, though precum was streaming easily out of his sensitive head.

Closely, Kuroo watched as he tentatively wrapped one of his long-fingered hands as far around both Daichi’s cock and his own as it could reach. Squeezing just slightly, he looked up to meet Daichi’s gaze.

“Like this?” he asked his more experienced partner. Daichi nodded, adding his own thumb to slick their precum liberally between them, making the glide easier and easier.

“ _Fuck_!” Kuroo moaned.

Kissing the wild-haired man again, Daichi licked a stripe up his pulse line and whispered, “Exactly like that, Kuroo. You’re gonna make me cum just like that,” before sinking his teeth into the bend where neck meets shoulder, pulling a dark purple mark at Kuroo’s skin.

Kuroo cried out and began to cum, shooting heavily against their abdomens, hands and hips jerking erratically. Daichi helped steady the rhythm by covering Kuroo’s grip with his own until he was grunting and moaning, cumming hard and thick over the tight grasps. They thrust against one another a few times more, until the involuntary jerking slowed to a halt.

Wiping hands into sheets on the far side of the hotel bed, and panting hurriedly, Daichi expected Kuroo to roll off and possibly freak out about what had just happened.

He didn’t. Only making a minor adjustment so his weight wasn’t crushing Daichi, Kuroo clutched the man he called a best friend against his body.

Daichi let him until their chests rose and fell in a slow, even pattern once more.

“You can let go,” Daichi whispered, still afraid Kuroo might be trying to placate him.

Kuroo only clutched tighter and said no. “I told you before. I’m not letting you go anywhere without me.”

Daichi laughed, but allowed himself to settle into Kuroo’s frame. After a few more moments of contented silence, Sawamura reminded Kuroo, “I’ll have to tomorrow. I have to go home again and work on Monday.”

Tetsurou sighed and nodded. “Yeah. But let’s just forget about that until then, okay? Just stay right here with me tonight. Please.”

Smiling and feathering another kiss to Kuroo’s cheek, Daichi said, “No need for please. I’m not leaving until the very last possible second.”

Exhausted from the stress and tension and final release of the day, in no time at all, both men were fast asleep, a tangle of limbs woven together—a scene Sawamura had dreamed about again and again.

In the morning, Daichi opened his eyes to find he was alone in the bed. Turning over, he saw Kuroo on the floor in the corner, head clutched in his hands, back to the wall.

Sitting up quietly, Daichi padded over to squat down in front of Tetsurou’s huddled form. Reaching out, his fingertips barely brushed Kuroo’s forehead, before he jerked it up, completely startled by Daichi in front of him.

“Hey,” Daichi whispered. “What are you doing?”

“It’s nothing,” Kuroo claimed unconvincingly.

Daichi was almost certain that Kuroo had finally had time to realize the magnitude of what they’d done. He was sure Kuroo was thinking up the best way to tell Daichi they should just be friends after all…but Daichi couldn’t go back to that, not now that he knew how it felt to be kissed by the man he loved. Calmly, he asked, “Nothing? Doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Don’t press me!” Kuroo shouted, voice harsh and intimidating.

Sawamura knew he hadn’t been able to hide the hurt on his face. He put a hand briefly on Kuroo’s knee, then stood back up. “Ok. That’s—it’s fine. I won’t bother you.”

Daichi pulled on his t-shirt and a pair of underwear from his duffel, before stepping out onto the balcony and closing its door.

He stood at the railing looking out, hoping the brisk morning air would take care of the sting in his eyes. He didn’t want to make Kuroo feel pressured or forced into this. Daichi just wanted to be loved, but if Kuroo couldn’t do that, he should at least have the decency to say so.

The sliding door to the room opened and closed quietly. Kuroo’s arms slipped around Daichi’s waist and he stood with his chest flush against Daichi’s back. His rested his chin on Daichi’s head, before laying his cheek there instead and squeezing Sawamura tightly to him.

Kuroo apologized with a sigh, “Sorry. I’m really sorry about snapping.”

After a moment, Daichi nodded. He brought his arms up to cover Kuroo’s with his touch, and he heard Kuroo breathe out with quiet relief. They stood there silently, wrapped up in each other in the early morning light.

Finally Kuroo spoke again, “This feels nice. You feel good in my arms, Daichi.” Just as Sawamura hummed his approval, Kuroo added, “I mean, you’re so short and petite. So precious.”

“You want to get punched this early in the morning?” Daichi growled, struggling to turn around as Kuroo laughed and gripped him tighter still. Managing to wiggle his way around to face Kuroo, he glared half angrily at him.

Kuroo pouted dramatically and asked, “Are you sure you want to punch this beautiful mug of mine?”

He gave a cocky grin and Daichi couldn’t help but scoff, and then he couldn’t help but grin when Kuroo leaned down to steal a quick kiss from him.

After another long silence with Daichi resting his head on Kuroo’s chest, still bound there by strong arms, Kuroo timidly asked, “Daichi…does your mom know you’re gay?”

“Yeah.”

“What does she think?”

Daichi thought for a moment. He wasn’t sure if there was something Kuroo was expecting from his answer, so he just gave it as honestly as he could, “Mm. She was concerned at first, and I think it took her a while to really believe me, but then she just kind of went with it, I guess. Since I moved home to care for her, she’s always trying to set me up on dates with guys she finds on the internet.”

Daichi shook his head and laughed hard at some of her more interesting choices, including the very cute but very dumb son of her radiologist.

Kuroo smiled fondly, but his face quickly returned to a straight line. “She’s just as awesome as always, I see. I think she could probably accept anything as long as it was you, right?”

“She _is_ pretty amazing,” Daichi agreed, worried with the change in Kuroo’s demeanor. Watching him carefully, he noticed his golden eyes turning darker and darker. Daichi found himself asking, “What would your parents do?”

There was silence. A heavy, foreboding silence that caused Daichi’s insides to churn. He remembered the Mei girl’s threats from the day before, to tell Kuroo’s father.

“Kuroo?” he asked again.

Kuroo swallowed hard and looked down at Daichi’s face. Although, Daichi got the feeling Kuroo wasn’t really seeing him. Kuroo asserted, “I don’t want you to know the answer to that. Not ever. Maybe that’s not fair, but can you please not ask about them again?”

Daichi shivered from the dangerousness in Kuroo’s voice. He suddenly felt very concerned about why Kuroo had been giving him those mixed signals all these years…about why Daichi had always thought Kuroo was bisexual, when he insisted he was straight…about why he still would not admit anything after all he had done with Daichi in the last several hours…about what it was exactly that Kuroo’s parents had done to him to make him so adamant on not telling Daichi.

Daichi had the dark feeling the reason was because it was something Kuroo knew Daichi would want to crush someone over once he found out that answer.

 

 

**_To Be Continued…_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first section in italics is a flashback to when Kenma and Kuroo were in high school.
> 
> The next is the present storyline, in a hotel room with Daichi and Kuroo.
> 
> In case it confused anyone (there will be a lot of flashbacks in this story)


	3. Don't Want to Need Your Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo spends time recognizing whose voice has been there comforting him all along...even while trying to keep that from happening.

_Daichi was a little concerned. He and Nekoma’s captain had basically been in constant contact with each other since the training camp, either through text or phone calls in the evenings._

_The day before, however, Kuroo hadn’t answered any of his attempts to call or text. To anyone on the outside, that made it seem like Sawamura was an insanely paranoid stalker. It had only been one day…but Daichi had a very bad feeling about it that he hadn’t been able to shake all during class and practice. The fact that he didn't have anyone to tell made the discomfort even more obvious._

_Kuroo had said some things in private that worried Sawamura, especially the way he immediately would change the subject afterwards or pretend that he hadn’t said anything at all._

_In the showers at training camp during the first day or so, he had spotted some bruising on Kuroo’s back. He considered asking, but thought maybe that would be too nosy for someone he had only just met. Still, something about the size and location gave Daichi the realization that it wasn’t something he had gotten by diving for receives or even falling backwards on the court._

_The thought of where it might have come from made Daichi’s stomach churn. He ended up giving in to his curiosity and tried casually asking Kuroo about it later, but Kuroo kept making jokes or changing the subject to volleyball._

_Sawamura supposed it was none of his business. It wasn’t like they knew each other that well. The fact that something had just sort of clicked between them right away didn’t mean Daichi was entitled to know everything about the tall Tokyo captain._

_Still, it had worried him, and it was an uneasiness that sat low in his stomach whenever they spoke on the phone at night. The way Kuroo was careful to speak barely above a whisper made Daichi feel like his heart was caught in a tightening grip—squeezing the muscle until his chest ached from the pressure._

_So to say he was relieved when he finally received a text from Kuroo the next evening was an understatement._

**From: Captain Cat <<<**                                                                                                    
**Fri. 11:14 pm**

_You still awake?_

__  
> >> **To: Captain Cat**   
**Fri. 11:16 pm**

_Yes. Where were you yesterday?_

****  
From: Captain Cat <<<                                                                                                  
Fri. 11:20 pm

_Nowhere special. Why? Were  
you worried or something?_

  
>>> **To: Captain Cat**   
**Fri. 11:21 pm**

_Can I call you?_

 

_And then Daichi was worried that he’d jumped too quickly to that request—come off as desperate to hear Kuroo’s voice and make sure he was really fine…but he was desperate. He lay in bed checking the phone repeatedly._

_Five minutes had gone by with no response._

_Ten minutes._

**  
From: Captain Cat <<<                                                 **   
_Fri. 11:39 pm_

_Ok_

_  
With permission given, Daichi didn’t hesitate to respond with a call. When the line picked up, there was no immediate answer._

_“Kuroo?” Sawamura questioned._

_He held his breath until finally he heard the quiet response. “Hey.”_

_“Hey. Are you okay?” Daichi rushed out._

_There was the short breath of a laugh, and then Kuroo said, "Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”_

_Something about the catch in his voice sounded strained. Daichi squeezed his eyes closed and told himself to calm down._

_“I don’t know. I-I just had a bad feeling all day today," he admitted, lowering his own voice, even though there was no reason for him to speak as quietly as Kuroo was._

_“You did?”_

_The way Kuroo couldn't keep the surprised happiness out of his voice made Daichi's heart rate speed up. He had tried repeatedly not to get his hopes up over Nekoma's captain, but moments like these made him feel like maybe he wasn't the only one with a crush._

_Keeping the shaking out of his voice was more difficult than he had thought it would be. Still, he answered, “Yes. I guess I just got myself worked up for nothing, huh?”_

_“Careful, Sawamura. Someone might think you have the hots for me.” Kuroo liked to tease. Everyone knew that about him. He was good at it, too. It was sometimes hard to determine what was a joke and what was seriousness said in his smooth, purring voice._

_“You wish you were that lucky," Sawamura taunted back, always erring on the side of caution. He couldn’t bring himself to directly deny the claim that he liked Kuroo, but he was careful to make sure his answers could easily be taken as a joke. Misreading Kuroo would be mortifying._

_“Sawamura," Kuroo began, an obvious and deliberate change in his tone, "Why do you care if something happens to me anyway?  We don’t even know each other that well. What makes me important enough to get that worked up over? Or that's--" there was an uncomfortable chuckle "-that's just how you are with everyone, isn't it? You're one of those reliable, stand-up guys. I forgot."_

_"That's not-"_

_But Kuroo didn't acknowledge him. Instead, he lamented, "I’m just a nobody to you…a rival.”_

_It ached in a way Daichi had never felt before. The defeat in that usually confident tone--the sudden tremor of self-loathing, it struck a nerve in a moment Daichi would never be able to leave behind him, to hear Kuroo so hopeless._

_“Kuroo, please tell me what’s happened," he begged._

_After a long, dark silence, there was a deep inhale and Kuroo resumed as if it was a normal day._

_“Nah. It’s nothing. Really. I’m sorry I said something so harsh. I get it, you know?”_

_“Get what?” Daichi asked, feeling like a failure for not being able to get any truths out of his fellow captain._

_“I get why you care. I’d be worried about you, too," Kuroo admitted. That alone would have elated Daichi beyond belief, but it was followed with a jovial, “We still gotta have the Battle of the Trash Heap. For the coaches, right?”_

_Sawamura laughed half-heartedly, knowing he was only avoiding whatever the real issue was. “Right.”_

_The two sat in silence, neither really knowing where to continue from there. Daichi wanted to know what had made Kuroo's voice tremble that way, but it was clear that he wasn't going to get that information. He didn't know if he could just continue with idle conversation, especially if Kuroo wasn't going to say anything either._

_He decided to break the silence first. "Kuroo? Do you want me to hang up?”_

_“No!" he answered, obviously more firmly than he had intended._

_"I mean, no. I’m having a bad day. It’s,” he sighed, “It’s just been--really bad. I know you don't like that I won't tell you why, but could you maybe just humor me? Your voice is kind of soothing or something. Would you stay on the phone with me? So I could fall asleep? Shit. That’s weird, isn’t it?” Daichi heard Kuroo add a mumbled, “Something really is wrong with me.”_

_Sawamura didn’t want to press again about what had happened. Kuroo was obviously reaching out to him for comfort. He'd been the one that sent the initial text that night. He'd chosen Daichi over anyone else, and there wasn't a chance Daichi was going to let him down. Whatever Kuroo wanted from Daichi that night was his for the taking. Hell. If he had told Daichi that he really needed him that night, Sawamura might honestly have stolen the family car and driven to Tokyo._

_That probably would have been too extreme an admission, so Daichi simply replied, “Sure I’ll stay on... and I don’t think it’s weird. Everybody likes a friendly voice after a bad day.”_

_He could hear the deep relieved exhale on the other end of the phone. “I want to fall asleep, so could you just talk about anything. I don't know how much I'll reply,” Kuroo requested groggily._

_So Daichi did. He talked about how he was nervous of whether or not he was a good captain and about the rivalry between their two teams. He told Kuroo about his problematic kouhai and all of the trouble they got him in with the vice principal. He talked about his worries over playing in the spring tournament as a third year and whether it would affect his dreams to become a teacher. He talked about how Asahi and Noya were trying to set him up with the captain of Karasuno's girls' volleyball team and how maybe it wasn't such a terrible idea._

_Daichi talked about anything, like he was asked, for well over an hour, and he listened carefully as Kuroo’s responses got fewer and farther in between._

_Finally he talked about meeting the captain of Nekoma and how he had managed to get under Sawamura’s skin._

_“…and I just can’t shake the feeling that whatever happens between our teams—no, that’s a lie…between you and me is going to be something extraordinary, so try not to get yourself in too much trouble before then, okay? Did you hear me, Kuroo?”_

_“Mm,” was the short response he received._

_“You would tell me if someone was hurting you, right? I know you’re a tough guy, and that sounds ridiculous coming from me, but I just get the feeling…” he sighed, knowing Kuroo wasn’t able to pay attention any longer. “It’s stupid of me to act overprotective for someone like you, but…I would never let anyone get away with hurting you, I swear. If you want me to help, anytime, you just say the word. Okay, Kuroo?”_

_“Mm.”_

_Daichi smiled wistfully and shook his head. It was the ninth or tenth time that had been Kuroo's only answer. Sawamura was pretty sure there was only even a response at all, because he ended each thought by saying Kuroo's name._

_He was glad Kuroo hadn't heard all of his most embarrassing confessions, although Daichi found himself thinking that he wouldn't be opposed to saying them again, if only Tetsurou asked._

_“Goodnight,” he whispered, to no response._

_When he hung up the phone, he flipped over and buried his face in his pillows. It was at that moment, sometime in the very latest hour of summer in his 17 th year, that Daichi realized he was in deep, deep trouble over Tetsurou Kuroo._

**~   ~   ~   ~**

Kuroo was back at his apartment now, alone and nervous. It would only be a matter of time before he heard from his parents. It all depended on how long it took before Mei decided to inform them of their “disgusting” son, out destroying their family’s good name.

The thing he was most worried about was what his father might attempt to do to humiliate or even harm Daichi, if Mei chose to include who she had found in her ex-boyfriend’s apartment. The last thing Kuroo ever wanted was for Daichi to even meet his parents, let alone be set squarely in his father’s crosshairs.

Kuroo had worked very hard through their years as friends to keep any mention of his parents to short, clipped answers. He didn’t even let his family have his phone number or address when Daichi had been his roommate. Kuroo had never even planned to see or speak to either his mother or father again, in the first place, but that didn’t exactly work out how he’d hoped.

He happened to run into his mother one day when he was out with Kenma, and she had pressured and made him feel guilty like only she knew how, until he had finally acquiesced and given her his phone number, with the caveat that if either she or his father tried anything, he would get a new phone and move.

That had been a mistake.

There was some part of him that was still that scared little boy that just wanted parents who loved him. There was part of him that believed if he could just show the two of them how an adult could be compassionate and caring, then he could “fix” them—he could make them be the parents he had always wanted to have.

Logically, he knew it was useless, but that little boy just didn’t want to let his parents down. Deep down, he still wanted that approval…that chance to make things right.

It wasn’t long before his sanity and sense of self began suffering, and while Kenma begged him to cut them out again, part of Kuroo felt they were exactly the parents he deserved.

Just like that first time in high school, when Kuroo had a particularly bad day because of something they had said or done, there was one person he immediately went to for comfort. It didn’t matter if it was 3:00 in the morning. Somehow, Daichi always managed to answer his calls or texts.

The man had always been there, standing with Kuroo, supporting him even though he didn’t know from what.

It made Kuroo’s chest ache to really let that sink in now—to realize what that meant and to know what he had been casually taking for granted and pushing aside all this time.

Now that he knew Daichi cared much deeper than friends usually do, the only thing he was able to focus on was what would happen if he admitted to Sawamura what kind of parents he actually had. There was no way Daichi would let that lie. He had no doubt in his mind that Daichi would drop every ounce of prim and proper, every shred of that perfectly polite Japanese man he'd ever had when it came to what Kuroo had been suffering all those years.

Kuroo wasn't sure he wanted to put anyone in that dangerous situation.

When his phone chimed with a text message that evening, Kuroo flinched slightly, worried about what might come up on the screen.

 **From: Prim <<<                                                 ** **  
Sun. 7:53 pm**

Made it off the train and                                                                   
home safe and sound.

 

Kuroo smiled broadly. He’d almost forgotten he had asked Sawamura to let him know once he was back home again. It wasn’t something new. They had always done this, even after that very first training camp. It was usually followed by shooting random messages back and forth until one of them got tired or had to go. This time there was a heightened sense of exhilaration as Kuroo sent back his first reply.  
  


 **> >>To: Prim**   
**Sun. 7:55 pm**

I was just thinking about   
you. Glad you made it safely,   
Prim.

 **  
From: Prim <<< **   
Sun. 8:01 pm

Damn it. Please tell me                                                                   
that’s not how I am                                                                   
saved in your phone.                                                                                                                
**(** **－** **‸** **ლ** **)**

 **  
> >>To: Sawamura-kun**   
**Sun. 8:10 pm**

Nope. See? **_07.img_**

 **  
From: Sawamura-kun <<<                      **   
Sun. 8:11 pm

Hm. Almost positive you have                                    
never called me Sawamura-kun in                                    
your life. Awfully fishy. Took you                                    
an extra-long time to get that                                    
screenshot, too.

  
>>> **To: Sawamura-kun**   
**Sun. 8:12 pm**

Where’s the trust?!

 **  
From: Sawamura-kun <<<                      **   
Sun. 8:13 pm

Probably next to years worth of                                          
failed prank attempts by a Cat and                                          
an Owl.

 **  
> >>To: Sawamura-kun**   
**Sun. 8:14 pm**

Fair. **=^_^=**

  
**> >>To: Prim   
Sun. 8:25 pm**

Hey. I think I might fall asleep  
early. It’s been a hell of a weekend.

 **  
From: Prim <<<                                                 **   
Sun. 8:31 pm

It certainly has. I’ll try not to                                                  
make fun of you for going to sleep                                                  
like a grandpa.                                                                                   
Talk to you tomorrow if you want.

 **  
> >>To: Prim**   
**Sun. 8:32 pm**

I want. **(^_-)-** **☆**

 **  
From: Prim <<<                                                 **   
Sun. 8:32 pm

 **(^○^)**   K! I’ll call or txt you after                                                     
I get everything done. Night,                                                     
Kuroo.

 **  
> >>To: Prim**   
**Sun. 8:33 pm**

Goodnight. **(-_-)zzz**

 

Even though he was utterly exhausted from the events of that weekend, Kuroo lay awake for quite some time, trying to decide if there was a right way to tell Sawamura what he’d been hiding from him all these years.

Finally settling on asking Kenma for advice when they had dinner on Wednesday, Kuroo drifted off to sleep.

The next day went by slowly. Way too slowly. Kuroo recognized that he was like an anxious preteen waiting on a crush’s possible phone call. He groaned over how pathetic he had become in just two short days.

He kept focusing on all the times he'd gone to Daichi when he was down, and becoming more annoyed with himself over it. With no intention of ever starting a relationship with the man, he had taken advantage of the love Daichi had for him. It definitely wasn't something he had been doing consciously, but it still didn't change that it had been done.

He was mulling over ways to possibly make it up to Sawamura during every free second he had that day.

Kuroo worked at a publishing house as an editor, and he found himself repeatedly making mistakes in the office the Monday after Daichi had confessed. Kuroo kept having to mark over several places where Daichi's name had ended up on the page, because he was concentrating on him instead of the job at hand. It was difficult to proofread, when images of Sawamura shoving him against the wall kept replaying in his mind.

At home, that evening, he tried to busy himself and not think about the fact that he was still waiting to hear from Daichi.

He wasn’t sure how long it was supposed to take a school teacher to finish everything for the day, but around 7:00 pm, he started feeling anxious. He imagined all kinds of scenarios that would keep Daichi from the phone until now, all of which were dramatically bad and fairly implausible. Still, he always jumped to the worst of outcomes.

Finally when he couldn’t stand the pressure anymore, he shot Daichi a text himself.

 **> >>To: Prim**   
**Mon. 9:28 pm**

You asleep yet?

 **  
From: Prim <<<                                                **   
Mon. 9:29 pm

No. WTH? I’m not an old      
man like you. It’s not even                                  
9:30 yet.

 **  
> >>To: Prim **   
**Mon. 9:30 pm**

Is now! **(¬_¬)**

 

 _So_ , it was nothing more than Kuroo being impatient. He swallowed down the nervousness he had been feeling for the last two hours or so, and settled into his bed to get comfortable. Kuroo rolled his eyes over the fact that such a simple text response from Daichi was all he had needed to relax.

 

 **> >>To: Prim**   
**Mon. 9:32 pm**

What? Are you gonna party   
or something? Terribly   
irresponsible of you. It’s a   
freaking school night,   
Sawamura-sensei.

 **  
> >>To: Prim **   
**Mon. 9:39 pm**

I was kidding. You didn't  
really go to sleep did you?

 **  
From: Prim <<<                                                **  
Mon. 9:43 pm

Sorry. Trying to get over the                                
image I have in my head now                                 
of you calling me                                 
Sawamura-sensei. **(** **・** **_** **・** **;)**  
  


 **> >>To: Prim**   
**Mon. 9:42 pm**

Aren’t you a naughty sensei?! **  
**

 **From: Prim <<<                                                 ** **  
Mon. 9:44 pm**

My god! You’re making                                                                   
this harder!  
  


 **> >>To: Prim   
** **Mon. 9:44 pm**

I’ll bet I am!

 

Kuroo’s cell phone began ringing and he was still laughing by the time he answered to Daichi scolding him on the other end of the receiver.

“You always were easy to tease!” Kuroo responded.

“Ugh. I can practically _hear_ that asshole smirk on your lips,” Daichi complained.

“I bet you’d love to just kiss it right off, wouldn’t you?” he taunted.

There was a slightly uncomfortable laugh on the other end, and Kuroo realized teasing his best friend with that sort of remark had a whole different connotation now that he knew how Daichi felt for him. Normally Daichi would respond with something like, “You wish you were that lucky,” and Kuroo would laugh it off. The fact that Daichi left it obviously unsaid now set so many emotions ablaze inside of Kuroo, both good and bad, not the least of which was remorse. It was yet another reminder of how often Daichi had minimized his own feelings to make sure Kuroo would stay his friend.

Kuroo felt his cheeks heat up and he mumbled out an apology.

“It’s fine,” Daichi said quietly.

There was no noise for several minutes until Daichi groaned, “Damn it. I’ve made everything awkward as hell between us, haven’t I?”

It was certainly awkward. Kuroo wouldn't deny that. Still, he was personally glad to no longer be the lone idiot left in the dark. 

Genuinely curious of his answer, Kuroo asked, “Would you rather I still didn’t know?”

Quickly, Daichi responded, “No! No. I-I’m glad you know now…I think. Whatever happens, it has to be better than before, right?”

Kuroo wasn't sure, even though he desperately wanted to tell Daichi it would be better. Kuroo didn't know if he could give Daichi what he wanted. He had always recognized that he was sexually attracted to men...and women to a degree, but he had spent years convincing himself that that was something wrong with him, that it was a sickness for him to be aroused by men. His father had gone to extremes to show him what people thought of such a thing.

Now that he knew Daichi wanted him, he was terribly conflicted. The physical part of the whole thing was fairly easy for him to respond to, because sickness or not, he had never been successful stopping himself growing aroused by Daichi. In secret, alone with his thoughts, Kuroo couldn’t keep Daichi out of his fantasies. He had hooked up with girls many times to try to push Sawamura out of his mind, but it almost never worked. Often, he wouldn’t even be able to get off without picturing Daichi, resulting in Kuroo spending days alone in his room, crying, berating himself, and depressed that he was back at square one all over again.

What Kuroo was terrified of was, even though he wanted Daichi in a very real and carnal way, that he had successfully convinced himself that being in a relationship with a man was ultimately unacceptable. Even if that man had always been the one to make Kuroo feel things no other person in his life ever had.

“What do you _want_ to happen?” Tetsurou questioned.

“That’s not really up to me," Daichi answered, most unhelpfully.  "I don’t want to make you to possibly choose something just because you want to make me happy, you know?”

Even though he understood why Daichi would feel that way, Kuroo found himself pouting as he asked, “What’s wrong with wanting to make you happy?”

“Nothing! Nothing, I just think it’s better for you to think about what _you_ want to happen. That’s all. You’re the one that’s unsure. Does that make sense?”

Daichi sounded as if he were almost afraid to admit even that much to Kuroo, which stung, but again, Kuroo couldn’t fault him for being cautious.

“Yeah, it does…but do you have to be so practical all the time?” he whined dramatically, a little uncomfortable with the seriousness of the conversation.

Kuroo loved the low rumbling laugh he received in response. It felt like relief washing over his frayed nerves, rinsing away some of that suffocating guilt.

“I’m afraid so,” Daichi bragged. “That’s what makes me so cute, though.”

Kuroo chuckled deviously, bluntly responding, “No. That’s definitely your thighs.”

“Excuse me. I do not have ‘cute’ thighs. I have ‘killer’ thighs,” Daichi scoffed.

“Ain’t that the truth?! I wouldn’t mind being killed between those thighs.”

There was choking on the other end of the receiver, followed by Daichi struggling to get out his words. “You can’t tease me like that now! I won’t know when you’re joking or if you really want to be-I mean...y-you,” sputtered Daichi.

“Unfortunately, I can’t make that deal. Asking me to give up teasing you might be more unreasonable than asking me to date a man,” Kuroo clipped, immediately regretting the choice of words.

“I see,” Daichi muttered. There seemed to be a cold silence that passed between the phones, even with the two of them hours apart.

“No! Daichi, that isn’t how I meant it. Damn it, I’m a fucking idiot at this! I should just go before I say something worse—“ Kuroo explained frantically.

But then Daichi was laughing and Kuroo was confused and he wasn’t sure what to do with all the building panic, until Daichi interrupted, “I’m kidding! I can’t believe you of all people fell for that! Just so you know, Tetsu, that didn’t offend me. It’s a huge change I’m asking of you, and I promise I’ll be as patient as I can.”

“Oh,” Kuroo replied, still not entirely sure Daichi was okay.

Laughing some more, Daichi said, “You always pull that fake mad crap on me, and I _always_ fall for it! I can’t believe I actually managed to get you one time!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Kuroo interrupted, with a cautious laugh. “Don’t expect it to happen again. Just so you know, though, now that I’ve been there—I would never joke about wanting to be between your thighs. The answer’s always a yes.”

“Fuck,” Sawamura groaned, a hiss of air sucking through his teeth, laughter gone in an instant for a different mood completely.

Kuroo smiled, “You wish you were that lucky.”

“I certainly do.”

Several seconds of silence followed their awkward laughter, probably both imagining being together in bed.

After realizing he was wishing his arms were wrapped around Sawamura right then, Kuroo observed, “I kind of miss you already. That’s pretty lame, huh?”

“Pretty cute,” Karasuno’s ex-captain admitted. Sighing deeply, disappointment somehow evident in the breath, he added, “I can’t come up again this weekend, though. Mom needs me to take her to an appointment.”

Having already thought about it some throughout the day, Kuroo timidly asked, “What if—what if I came there?”

It was impossible to miss the brightness in his voice when Daichi asked, “To Sendai?”

“Unless that’s too weird. Are there even hotels that far out in the country?" Kuroo teased.

"Very funny, city boy!" Daichi stressed.

Kuroo laughed heartily. "Nice Tanaka impression!"

"Thanks,” he jested. “Seriously, though, you shit, Sendai has over a million people!"

Kuroo couldn’t help but continue laughing with his most obnoxious guffaw. Everything always turned into a competition. Kuroo joked, "That's cute compared to Tokyo's 13 and a half million. You might as well be driving cattle carts, still."

Sawamura grumbled something about how Kuroo had won, but Kuroo couldn't help but snicker some more.

Turning serious again, Kuroo mentioned, "I thought maybe I could stay with you, but then, your mom probably wouldn’t like me to stay at your place.”

Sawamura was quick to exclaim, “Are you kidding? She would love to have you! I think she has a crush on you herself! She probably would adopt you over me!”

“Ha,” Kuroo huffed. It made him uncomfortable when other people told him their own parents liked him. It felt somehow wrong, considering his own didn’t seem to care one way or the other. Still, he never liked letting people know that either. He feigned confidence, saying, “I do have that effect on people.” 

Kuroo knew Daichi's mom adored him. She had always been very vocal about it, and he knew she would want him to come for a visit. She was always after him about coming down more often. Kuroo just felt like maybe suggesting Daichi’s mom would be uncomfortable was the easiest way to give Daichi an out if he wasn't ready to have Kuroo come down.  

Taking a deep breath, he asked, “What about you? Would it be uncomfortable for you if I came to stay a few days? Kind of think about things away from Tokyo or something?”

“I would love it…probably way too much,” he answered in a hushed tone that made Kuroo weak. Even though no one could see him embarrass himself, Kuroo's hand had gone up to cover the blush on his face anyway. He wanted to laugh at himself for feeling as nervous as if this were his first time dating.

“Give me until Wednesday to decide for sure, but I’m thinking I might be less anxious about things if I were there,” he said softly.

“You’d be _less_ anxious _with me_?”

Puffing out a nearly silent laugh at Daichi's genuine surprise, Kuroo closed his eyes, paying careful attention to the swell of his heart. “Yeah,” he admitted slowly. “Yeah, I would.”

Kuroo couldn’t see him, but in that moment, something about the very air between the phones seemed to shine a spotlight on a smile Kuroo could see clearly in his mind. With a laugh, Kuroo said, “Hey, wipe that stupid grin off your face.”

He could _certainly_ hear the smile in Daichi’s voice when he replied, “Not a chance.”

Grinning right back, Kuroo finished, “I’ll call you on Wednesday then. Try not to die before then imagining me between your thighs… Sa-WA-mu-RA-sen-sei.” He had deliberately accentuated each syllable seductively. After all, he had already warned Sawamura that he would never stop teasing him.

“Hn. You’re a very bad influence, Kuroo,” Daichi whined, clearly already struggling with the mental image.

“Goodnight,” Tetsurou lilted.

“Night.”

There was no way to stop the easy smile Kuroo wore on his lips that night as he fell asleep.

As Tuesday passed and Wednesday slogged along at a snail's pace, Kuroo was almost positive he was going to head to Miyagi prefecture for the weekend. He was doing nothing but thinking of Daichi and he _had_ to see him again. It was the only way he would be able to stop agonizing over the feel of those soft, full lips.

_God._

They were creeping up at the most inopportune times...during meetings, at the grocery, on the commute home. If he wasn't able to kiss Daichi again soon, Kuroo was almost certain he would die.

Finally, he had made it to Wednesday night dinner at Kenma's place. After filling him in and receiving various concerning looks from his friend, Kuroo asked Kenma what he thought about the whole thing.

"It doesn't matter what I think, does it?" Kenma asked, switching his game back on in an effort to hide from such a loaded question.

"Of course it does! You're the only one that knows the truth," Kuroo reminded, as if Kenma would ever forget.

Not looking up from his game for a while, Kuroo knew he wasn't being ignored. He knew that was just Kenma mulling it over.

Finally, he responded, "Are you going to tell Daichi the truth?"

"I-" he considered, "I don't know yet."

Without even turning around, he knew Kenma was glaring at him. He supposed he deserved it in a way, but Kuroo was very good at convincing himself that he had never told Daichi the truth about his childhood because he was protecting Daichi from danger.

"I think you should," Kenma countered. "I think it would tell him a lot of things you've left unsaid all these years without you having to go over each individual time that you left him confused or concerned."

"I didn't-" he started, but was now met with Kenma's reproachful glare.

"I told you it didn't work like that. I told you, but I let you make that choice for yourself. If you want to choose to keep causing yourself _and_ Daichi pain, at least tell the man why. He deserves that much."

Kuroo would think about it, but that was too big of a decision for him to commit to right then and there so he changed the subject. "But what about going to Sendai this weekend. Do you think that's a bad idea?"

"I don't see why you shouldn't. He said he wants you there, right?"

Kuroo smiled like a love-struck teenager. He propped himself on his elbows on the back of Kenma’s sofa, as he responded, "Yes."

"And you're clearly dying to see him," Kenma pointed out, looking at Kuroo like he was an irritating pet of some sort.

"I am not."

"You are."

"I'm _not_ dying, Kenma. Drop it," Kuroo ordered and Kenma did.

.

.

.

For a moment.

"You're dying."

It was annoying how often Kenma was right. Kuroo threw a couch pillow and hit Kenma in the head, which he barely responded to. Instead Kenma stared blankly at him until Kuroo found himself sitting on the couch next to his most favorite introvert.

"Kuroo, if you want my honest advice, I think it is best if you go down there and fuck Sawamura or you'll never forgive yourself."

"Oh my god! Oh my god, _Kenma_ , no! You can't say that shit! You're too pure! You don't even-"

"Calm down, Kuroo. I'm asexual, not stupid. I probably _still_ know more about sex than you do, you big idiot," he complained flatly, much to Kuroo's horror.

"Still..."

"Listen," Kenma said, grabbing Kuroo by the wrist and jerking him down further on the sofa so they could look each other in the eye. "The first person you ever even considered having sex with has just told you he's wanted nothing but that for the last eight years. For the love of my sanity, so I don't have to listen to either of you pining ever again, please, please, _please_ go to Daichi's this weekend. Do not come back unless you get laid."

Kuroo couldn't stop staring at Kenma like he had grown three or four extra heads. He had no idea Kenma was so fed up with Kuroo's love life.

Just as he was about to ask where his quiet, unassuming best friend had gone, Kenma pressed a button on Kuroo's phone and shoved it to his ear.

With barely enough time to get the ideas Kenma had dropped about Daichi out of his head, Kuroo cleared his throat loudly after hearing the voice he always counted on to calm him down.

"So what's the verdict?" Daichi had answered cheerfully.  


 

**_To Be Continued..._ **


	4. Don't Want to Crave Your Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I mean it, though,” Daichi said, placing a hand on Kuroo’s shoulder and making his insides twist sharply. “You have really made a big difference for me back home. Having a team that’s getting along, finally…I can’t thank you enough.”
> 
> That damn smile. Those sudsy abs and thick…Oh god. 
> 
> Sawamura had turned back to face the flow of the water and Kuroo couldn’t help but stare as it streamed down over the exquisitely formed back, thighs, and ass…such a perfect and rounded…
> 
> Hell.
> 
> He had to get out of there right away or things were about to become very awkward. He flipped off his water and grabbed a towel quickly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh geez. Please forgive me. This chapter got way out of hand length wise, and I STILL feel like it needs to be longer. ::sigh::  
> Saying what I want to say in few words is obviously not a talent of mine. :-\
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter won't be so ridiculous.

_This was it._

_This was the moment Tetsurou Kuroo was going to die._

_Somehow he had thought he would be able to avoid this situation, but it didn’t work out that way. He had already made it through one of the two nights without an issue, so he truly thought there might be a small chance for him. All of that hope was crushed in an instant as practices on the second evening drew to a close._

_The shy, mousy teacher from Karasuno had managed to get the Volleyball Club another weekend worth of training with the Fukurodani Group in Tokyo._

_It was the first time that Kuroo would have to see Sawamura in person since Kuroo’s vow_ not _to fall for the Karasuno captain. So far, it had not been going well. Daichi’s texts and phone calls only made him seem more appealing and relatable._

_And then there was his voice…_

_Kuroo had tried excessively hard already to stop feeling slightly aroused by the deep, increasingly familiar cadence that lulled him to sleep at night, more often than not._

_He had convinced himself he just needed to see Sawamura again—that if he could look at him and pay attention to how he actually looked, instead of the seemingly perfect image in his mind, it would all sort itself out on its own. If he could just see him face to face, surely Kuroo could stop craving a body he wasn’t meant to have._

_It seemed even more likely he would be able to force his crush out of his head, when one of the cute managers from Shinzen told Kuroo she thought he was hot. She was a third year, and he had interacted with her several times in his three years at Nekoma. He thought she was really funny, and even though he didn’t know that much about her, he thought maybe it would be nice to date her—that maybe something like a girlfriend could help him get over Daichi._

_He couldn’t help but feel that brief overexcitement that maybe she would be the one to “fix” this obsession he had over another boy. Much to his dismay, however, she didn’t seem to be interested in dating him. She thought he was extremely attractive and talented and kind of funny, but she offered him sexual favors, as if they were nothing._

_Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be, but that wasn’t really the way Tetsurou pictured himself._

_“Look, Kuroo. It’s a weekend away from my parents. I broke up with my college boyfriend last week, and I really just want a hook up, you know? I want to make my ex feel sorry for dumping me. If you don’t want to go all the way, at least let me suck you off,” she had explained privately, as casually as if she were ordering an item off an express lunch menu._

_Kuroo sputtered out his response, telling her he didn’t have any experience whatsoever. She giggled softly, sounding genuinely surprised. Not only had she chosen him because she thought he was the best looking of the choices, but apparently, all of the other girls had pegged Kuroo the most likely to be the “player” personality from the Fukurodani Group._

_They seemed to think he_ must _have had lots of casual sex considering his personality, talents, and looks. It would be easy for him to get a girl, after all. Kuroo wasn’t sure how he was supposed to take that information, but he politely declined her offer._

_“You’re nervous. That’s cool…but you’re still the hottest guy here, so think about it. If you change your mind, you know where I’ll be,” she added._

_He stared after her, dumbfounded, as he tried to process what had just happened. That was before KVBC had even managed to arrive._

_Was it really that big of a deal that he had no experience? He usually changed the subject when other guys brought it up, because it made him uncomfortable to talk about girls that way…but now he had a sudden need to go ask his teammates if they had all been with someone already._

_Kuroo had only ever talked about these things with Kenma. It was a highly personal matter, as far as he was concerned. Kenma wasn’t insulting ever about Kuroo’s sexuality, and it was a little strange to be laughed at by someone about it. So what if he had wanted to save that kind of thing for someone special?_

_Kuroo guessed none of that mattered anymore, after what his father had made clear. There were clear expectations Tetsurou was now supposed to meet. The sooner the better in his mind—anything that would equal less punishment from his father._

_Kuroo was all worked up over the information that he was supposedly a ladies’ man at first, but then he realized that his father would be pleased to learn that, if nothing else, nobody seemed to suspect he might like boys. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Kuroo actually felt that maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to hide that abnormal part of himself that his father despised so much._

_When Karasuno’s bus pulled up, however, that idea fought to find a real foothold._

_Kuroo tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach when Sawamura greeted him, and the heat that spread outward from where Daichi clutched Kuroo’s hand in both of his for a solid handshake. He tried to pretend he hadn’t been staring when Daichi glanced over his shoulder on the way to a meeting with Karasuno’s coach, his lips turning up into an adorable startled smile at having caught Kuroo’s eyes._

_Kuroo flushed more over this stupid, masculine hunk than he ever had over any girl…or anyone else, for that matter. He wanted him. He wanted to know what his lips tasted like and how his skin felt._

_This was going to be bad._

_Somehow he made it through all of the day’s practice matches and showered without having much contact with Sawamura. He had focused hard on practices in Gym Three with Karasuno’s Chibi-chan and Tsukishima, hoping to stay busy and off of their captain’s radar._

_The manager from Shinzen made another mention of her offer, and Kuroo admitted that it was something he was considering, at this point. He_ had _to do something. It was difficult to pretend he didn’t notice how aroused and excited he felt by Daichi._

_Kenma watching him with that frustrating, all-knowing gaze made him even more aware of his feelings. His best friend had been observing him extra closely. Ever since the afternoon Kuroo had declared that he would most definitely get a girlfriend, Kenma’s eyes seemed focused on what Kuroo was doing even more than on his video games. He was obviously worried about how this would affect Kuroo, but it only made it harder for Kuroo to suppress the feelings._

_This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. He wasn’t supposed to still want Daichi the way he did. His father had made it abundantly clear that that would be a grave mistake._

_If he didn’t contain this, he and possibly Daichi, too, would be in serious danger. He couldn’t have that, especially when Daichi wasn’t even aware that Kuroo liked him that way. If his father got to Daichi, it would be bad in so many ways that Kuroo became nauseated any time he focused on it._

_The next day, all throughout practices, Kuroo spent the majority of it focused on a single thought…”Liking boys is sick. Liking boys is sick.”_

_He thought it over and over and over until it hurt, kept thinking it until it seemed to just come on its own, and when the manager made her offer a final time, he told her he was leaning towards a yes._

_“Meet me in the science lab after lights out, then. You won’t regret it. Trust me,” she assured him, grabbing his bicep and squeezing as she gave him an alluring glance._

_Kuroo swallowed hard as he watched her walk away. This was for the best. This was what he_ had _to do. Surely it wouldn’t be as frightening as he imagined._

_Because he had avoided it the night before, by being in a late meeting with Coach Nekomata, Kuroo suddenly realized he had a much more immediate problem._

_He tried to get out of showering with the third years, but Bokuto was most definitely not having that._

_“You’re not getting in? Dude, that’s gross! You smell like feet and sweat had a baby!” the owl captain scolded._

_“I’ll just come back later, though. I forgot to-“ he tried, panicking as he noticed Karasuno’s third years had just begun to strip so they could hop in and clean off._

_Bokuto rightfully found the sudden shift extremely odd. There was no cause for it in his mind. They showered together all the time. It was stranger to treat it like something perverted. “What for?! You were already mostly undressed. Don’t be weird, bro.”_

_Kuroo couldn’t think of any other excuses on why he would be nervous about getting in the shower with the other men, so he removed his underwear and stepped into the hot running water. He prayed that the relaxing warmth would keep his shivering from being noticeable. Bokuto stood on one side of Kuroo, Daichi on the other._

_It seemed the gods were against him this night._

_If he could just hurry and wash, looking straight ahead and not making small talk, maybe he could still salvage—_

_And then Daichi was speaking to him and Kuroo was trying so desperately not to look any lower than his face, which proved immensely difficult, considering his gaze already had to tilt down to meet the shorter captain._

_“I’ve gotta say, Kuroo, I’m really impressed,” Daichi beamed up at him._

_A smile that broad and bright should definitely have been against the law._

_“Impressed? W-with what?” Kuroo questioned, trying not to focus on the fact that Daichi was completely naked—and so was he._

_“With what you and Bokuto have managed to accomplish with our Tsukishima!” he explained. “He hasn’t really seemed to click with us yet, but it seems you guys have really set something in motion for him. He’s connecting more with the team and it’s making a big difference.”_

_“Aw, that’s just how we do, right, bro?” Bokuto bragged, slinging a slippery arm over Kuroo’s shoulder, while grinning like an idiot._

_“Uh—yeah. No big deal. It’s fun. He’s got a lot of potential,” Kuroo responded, worrying he looked too suspicious._

_“I mean it, though,” Daichi said, placing a hand on Kuroo’s shoulder, sending a jolt of sensation that tensed Kuroo’s abdomen and made his chest hurt. “You have really made a big difference for me back home. Having a team that’s getting along, finally…I can’t thank you enough.”_

_That damn smile. Those sudsy abs and thick…_ Oh god _._

_Sawamura had turned back to face the flow of the water and Kuroo couldn’t help but stare as it streamed down over the exquisitely formed back, thighs, and ass…such a perfect and rounded…_

Hell.

_He had to get out of there right away or things were about to become very awkward. He flipped off his water and grabbed a towel quickly._

_“You didn’t even rinse all the soap!” Bokuto exclaimed._

_“Eh. It’s fine. I gotta go. I’m meeting a girl,” he half-lied._

_Bokuto suggestively whistled. “What?! Why didn’t you just say so? I want all the dirty details, you disgusting pervert!”_

_“You’re the disgusting one, Bo. It’s not like that!”_

_It was definitely ‘like that’ but when Kuroo had glanced towards Bokuto after the whistling, he caught a look on Sawamura’s face like Kuroo had plunged a knife deep into his gut. It hurt. It ached to see pain on that face, but Kuroo told himself he was obviously misreading things._

_Daichi was a man, after all, the same as Kuroo. Liking boys wasn’t the norm. Kuroo knew that now. There was no way Sawamura would be upset about Kuroo hooking up with a girl. Kuroo assured himself that he had imagined the pain on Sawamura’s face, because Kuroo was still wishing with all his might that there could be something between the two of them. He felt pathetic._

_He was going to take Shinzen’s manager up on that offer. He had to now. He needed stimulation and release after seeing Sawamura all wet and hard and perfect in the showers. Something had to be done to derail that train of thought before it took too strong a hold on Kuroo. If she could make him think about anyone else, and if she was willing to give away a blowjob, then who was he to stop her._

_It went quickly, of course…Kuroo’s first blowjob. She had been good, but it might not have gone quite as quickly if Kuroo hadn’t been squeezing his eyes shut, imagining an extremely different person’s lips around his cock._

_If he had concentrated on that nice girl from Shinzen, instead of picturing a very specific pair of dark chocolate eyes staring up at him or his hands in short, black hair or marveling over the musculature fresh in his mind from the shower…then maybe Kuroo wouldn’t have worked so hard from that moment forward to prove to himself he wasn’t gay._

_But he didn’t. Kuroo’s first sexual experience with another person was marred by the fact that he had cum wishing it were Sawamura sucking him dry._

_After apologizing profusely for it being so brief, Shinzen’s manager was gracious and told him not to worry about it too much. He would actually spend his life being grateful to have had such a casual no-strings-attached experience for a time in his life when he couldn’t have been in more turmoil. She wasn’t invested in him in the least, so there was no chance of him hurting her._

_Kuroo started back to the gym, with his hands shoved in the pockets of his sweats, groaning at his pathetic behavior. Walking out of the main school building toward the gyms, Kuroo was surprised to see the rule-abiding Sawamura leaned against the brick wall outside the sleeping area._

_He looked up at Kuroo and smiled, though it was distinctly less brilliant than it usually was._

_“Hey. Good night?” Daichi questioned as Kuroo leaned heavily back on the wall next to him._

_“I guess I can’t complain,” Kuroo admitted, looking straight ahead, not wanting to make eye contact._

_Kuroo flinched as he felt a sudden soft touch just behind his ear. “What’s this?” asked Daichi, pointing to the fresh scar where Kuroo’s stitches had come out and his hair was only just growing back. “You didn’t have that last time.”_

_Trying to sound nonchalant, Kuroo responded, “It’s nothing. Just tripped and busted my head on a rock during a morning jog.”_

_“Really? Seems like a bad wound. You didn’t tell me about it,” he worried._

_“It’s not like I tell you every damn thing about me. We don’t even really know each other,” Kuroo spat, instantly regretting the venom in his voice._

_“Ah. Yeah, I guess that’s true. I didn’t mean to cross a line. Sorry if I misunderstood something,” Daichi mumbled hastily, sounding more than a little offended._

_Kuroo hadn’t meant to get that defensive. That just made things more suspicious. Besides that, it obviously hurt Sawamura’s feelings. Kuroo’s father most definitely wasn’t Sawamura’s fault, but the anger he was feeling at himself and his dad just slipped out._

_He recanted, “No. Don’t apologize. That…that was really rude of me. I don’t know why I did that.”_

_“Fight with your girlfriend?” Daichi wondered, still looking more solemn than Kuroo had ever seen him._

_“Huh? Oh. No. She wasn’t my girlfriend. We definitely didn’t fight, either.”_

_Daichi laughed shortly. Uncomfortably. “Well, hey. Bokuto will be looking for those details tomorrow.”_

_Kuroo groaned before turning his head to make eye contact with Sawamura. “Daichi. What I said a minute ago? About us not really knowing each other? I didn’t mean that.”_

_Sawamura nodded, but didn’t look convinced. Kuroo could see all over his face how crestfallen he looked._

_Placing his hand on Daichi’s bicep, making certain the captain was listening, he said, “Look at me, Sawamura. I did_ not _mean that. Understand?”_

_Nodding again, looking a little less like a wounded baby bird, Daichi retorted, “Yeah. I got it.”_

_Kuroo looked down at the ground, picking invisible dirt from his nails as he admitted, “These last few weeks have been really important to me. There are things going on personally that I couldn’t have dealt with alone. I know you want me to clarify, but I can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain just what it’s meant to have you checking on me, though. So don’t listen to me when I spout off stupid bullshit about us not being friends, okay?”_

_A warm, comforting hand rested on Kuroo’s fidgeting digits, stopping his darkening train of thought. When Kuroo met those deep brown pools and noticed the smile that crinkled at their edges, he felt relief. He felt an actual release from things he had been trying to hold onto for several weeks now._

_Kuroo wanted to lean down for a hug, but he thought maybe that was too weird—maybe that would lead him places he didn’t feel safe. Instead, he offered a more sincere smile than he was used to giving. It almost felt strange on his face, but Sawamura virtually glowed at the response._

_Daichi agreed, “Fine. I won’t listen to your bullshit. I’m used to dealing with plenty of that from my troublesome kouhai.”_

_Kuroo couldn’t help but chuckle and nod his empathy over that, specifically thinking of Lev._

_Daichi continued with a smile, “Ignoring your crap shouldn’t be a problem. Just know, now that you’ve ordered me not to listen, you’re kind of stuck with me for the long haul.”_

_Kuroo could only pray that were true. Even if he couldn’t love Daichi the way he had originally pictured, he never wanted to be without the captain from Karasuno._

~ ~ ~ ~

Waving goodbye to a group of his fifth year students, Daichi heard a familiar voice call, “Oi! Sawamura-sensei!”

Looking in the direction his students had turned as well, Daichi couldn’t help but grin broadly at the smirking face just down the hallway.

“You’re early,” he stated, before noticing several of his students looking up at him curiously.

“Sawamura-sensei, who is that?” asked one of the boys.

“That’s an old volleyball rival of mine, Kuroo Tetsurou,” Daichi introduced, eyeing his friend for the reaction.

As expected, Kuroo’s grin faltered and was replaced with an absurdly cute pout. “Hey! Rival? Kid, don’t listen to this old man. That makes it sound like we were enemies!”

Leaning against the classroom’s doorframe, Daichi said, “Fine, fine. He’s also a very close friend of mine.”

“But he looks so cool!” said one of the girls, before blushing like mad as the other kids tittered their agreement.

“Oi! What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Sawamura frowned.

Kuroo was laughing that big, ridiculous laugh of his as he responded, “It means they think you look like a lame old man, old man!”

“Oh, well that’s just wonderful,” Daichi complained.

He exaggerated a look of hurt on his features that had all of his students laughing harder.

After a few more minutes of joking around, one of the boys tugged on Kuroo’s fitted red t-shirt to get his attention.

He asked, “So you played volleyball with Sawamura-sensei? What was he like? He never plays with us. Our P.E. teacher even challenges him to play all the time.”

“What’s this, Sawamura? You backing down from a volleyball challenge?” Kuroo said, aghast.

“I have a perfectly logical explanation for that.”

“Which is…?” Kuroo questioned, with exaggerated gestures.

With a stern and serious face, Daichi glanced at the kids and then back to Kuroo as he said, “I can’t answer that.”

“Come on!” Kuroo laughed, joined by the kids imitating him.

Then they all loudly started to beg their teacher to play a match, jumping up and down excitedly…Kuroo being the obnoxiously hot ring leader. The gym teacher came past just then, and when he spotted Daichi, the first thing he did was challenge him to a game.

“You’ve got a friend here now! Come on, Sensei! I’ll go find the team’s coach and we’ll play 2 on 2!” the Phys. Ed teacher offered.

After being assaulted by more loud, enthusiastic begging from his kids and Kuroo, he knew he had lost the silent battle he’d been waging against the single moms on the PTA.

“Fine. Okay. Fine!” he ended up shouting over them to be heard above their noise.

Sawamura couldn’t help but laugh, as the kids all shouted in triumph and started running off in front of the adults while the gym teacher went to get their school’s volleyball coach.

As Daichi and Kuroo walked together towards locker room space, Kuroo leaned down and softly said, “You definitely don’t look like a lame old man, you know? This whole sensei thing you’ve got going on here is pretty hot.”

Daichi’s head snapped up, revealing the blush already racing across his cheeks, before Kuroo added, “Maybe too hot, though. What do you think you’re doing in those tight slacks? Are you trying to murder all the moms of your students?”

Daichi coughed a bit at the roundabout compliment, looking at Kuroo still surprised but happy.

“It’s funny you should mention the moms,” Sawamura said, as they walked past the gymnasium to the changing room.

A chorus of high, flirty, “Sawamura-sensei” rung out from just outside the gymnasium door. One of the moms called, “The kids told us you were finally going to play a match for them. We’re looking forward to seeing you! Do your best!”

Daichi smiled too wide at their obvious flirtatious giggling and waved them off, before rounding the corner and exhaling loudly.

“What was that?!” Kuroo asked incredulously.

“ _That_ is why I haven’t agreed to play before. Suga visited one afternoon and told me they all just want to see my thighs in shorts,” Sawamura bemoaned.

Kuroo couldn’t help but laugh loudly at Daichi’s “misfortune.”

“Well, who could blame them? I mean, you’re torturing them every day with these dress shirt sleeves rolled up and these slacks that hug just right on your…” Kuroo blushed lightly. “I’d be calling after you like a desperate housewife, as well.”

Daichi laughed, until Kuroo offered a dramatic reenactment of calling out a flirty, “Sawamura-sensei!”

The two of them were at the door to the changing room now, where Daichi admitted, “Now that would probably be something I could get used to.”

“Really?” Kuroo asked, surprised. “You have a thing for being called sensei in bed, huh?” He took a step forward, closing the distance enough that Daichi could feel the heat coming off of him.

“I would if you did it,” Daichi’s too gravelly voice admitted.

He took a brief look from side to side, before curling a fist into that stupid tight t-shirt, and jerking Kuroo down to his level for the kiss he’d been dying to give him since he had showed up at school. No. Since he had left Tokyo the previous Sunday.

When he pulled back, he relished the fact that Kuroo’s eyes were still closed. He still leaned low, lips slightly pursed and wet.

“Wow,” the tall, striking man mouthed before slowly rising up to his glorious full height of 190 cm where the bastard had finally stopped growing. Meanwhile, Daichi had never even managed to gain that cursed 1 mm back again. It didn’t matter, anymore, though. Kuroo’s height was something that really drove Sawamura wild. In fact, he was feeling a little too wild for still being at work.

Opening the door to the changing room, Daichi put a hand against Kuroo’s chest. “You stay here, and I’ll be right back. Otherwise, I’ll get myself into trouble,” he said, eyes roaming hungrily over Kuroo’s body.

Kuroo nodded and waited against the wall while Daichi hurried to get changed.

= = = = =

The 2 on 2 game they had just played for cheering children had been an absolute blast. It was a better treat than Kuroo had honestly expected. Not only did he and Sawamura win, he got to stand behind a bent down Daichi in athletic shorts, shining with sweat…thigh muscles defined even more than usual from being used frequently in the game.

Kuroo thought they should both be given an award for winning the game while both of them struggled to keep massive erections from creeping up. With each glance Daichi cast back over his shoulder, Kuroo could feel how hungry Daichi was getting for them to be alone.

Throughout the game Kuroo could hear their audience, children and mothers alike, as well as several other teachers who had stuck around to watch.  The cheering certainly made the match more fun, and there was no short supply of praise and loud vocal encouragement. A visual check toward the group of excitable women, however, made it perfectly clear that Daichi (and every so often him) were being ogled with more enthusiasm than any cheering. If he had to guess, most of the cheering came from women after a particularly nice view of ass. These moms were certainly thirsty for the entertainment.

Kuroo could tell each time Daichi could hear one of the women's comments.  The lady-shy teacher would turn a brighter shade of red than what was brought on by physical exercise, and he would get noticeably uncomfortable.  Sometimes he would smile awkwardly back at Kuroo, brown eyes searching for some way to get out of there. Something about that particular aspect of his personality made Sawamura even more attractive.   

At one point, Kuroo could not help himself.  He whispered, just loud enough for Daichi to hear, some of the more lascivious things he was thinking.

“I bet I could end the match really quickly _and_ keep the moms off your back in the future, if I grabbed you and just started making out.” 

“Very funny,” Daichi replied flatly. “How about you just show them what these two old captains are made of and end the damn game, so we can go home already?”

It did not go unnoticed by Kuroo, though, that Daichi’s gaze had traveled eagerly up and down Kuroo’s form before he turned back to the match.

It didn’t take long for Kuroo and Sawamura to destroy the elementary school’s P.E. teacher and volleyball coach. It wasn’t that the two older men were bad, either, it was just that the ex-captains were better and were really playing in top form trying to end the match. They both had something they would much rather be doing that didn’t involve being ogled by a crowd.

After the four men thanked each other for the game, Kuroo’s and Daichi’s exit was delayed further by a few single moms and teachers.

The moms especially were all over Daichi, and it was amusing to watch his look of helplessness as he tried to figure out how to let them down gently. Every once in a while, one would approach Kuroo.

“Sawamura-sensei!” called a particularly lovely teacher. “That was incredible! I always knew you would be athletic, but you didn’t tell us you had such a talented and attractive friend,” she half-pouted, stepping closer to Kuroo.

Normally, he would have flirted back shamelessly, maybe even hooked up with the woman. She was exactly the type he usually went for—long black hair, brown eyes, fit. It wasn’t like he was in a relationship, after all. This thing with Daichi had only been going on just under a week.

But when he opened his mouth, words that seemed to come from nowhere breezed out. “I’m sorry, beautiful. I’m seeing someone.”

She looked briefly disappointed, before stepping closer to ask, “Is it serious, though?” Boldly, she put a hand on his forearm.

“I don’t know, yet. It just started, but it’s the most seriously I’ve ever considered staying with someone for the rest of my life.”

The woman seemed taken aback by the honest answer.

“Sorry, sensei,” interrupted Daichi by grabbing Kuroo’s other forearm to pull him forward out of the gym. His deep voice seemed a little too strained as he said, “I’m afraid we have somewhere to be this evening, if you’ll excuse us.”

As they stepped out of the gym and made their way off of school grounds without another word, Daichi released Kuroo’s arm and walked ahead a ways, quickening his pace.

Nearing a more secluded area, Kuroo stopped Daichi with a soft hold on his wrist.

“Are you mad? It just sort of came out.”

Daichi didn’t pull away from him, but his eyebrows were pinched anxiously together as he stated, “You’re cruel.”

“Huh?” Kuroo responded. He would have thought Daichi would be happy with what he had admitted.

“Saying something like that for the first time in the middle of all those people….giving me no chance to respond? That was cruel, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo realized he hadn’t considered that. He wrapped Daichi in his arms and pulled him into a hug, muttering, “I’m sorry,” into his hair.

Kuroo’s pulse completely stilled when Daichi muttered back, “Did you mean it?”

Leaning back just enough to look at Sawamura’s vulnerable face, he said, “Of course I did. How could I think of this as anything but the rest of our lives, Prim?” Daichi didn’t balk at the pet name for once, but instead quivered at the honesty in Tetsurou’s voice.

“I know what’s on the line here. I know this is all or nothing for you, and I won’t take that lightly. It may take time to find my answer, but I swear to you it won’t be a decision I come to frivolously.”

Sawamura nodded and smiled at up at Kuroo…that one smile of his that always stalled Kuroo’s train of thought.

Without any big gushing response, Daichi simply said, “Let’s go home,” and the two men continued on until they reached Sawamura’s front door.

= = = = =

Daichi was laying on his bed, comfortable in his pajama bottoms, staring blankly at his ceiling in the dark. He had meant to be asleep by now, but he just couldn’t stop his brain from thinking. He could not quit replaying the eventful afternoon and evening or wondering how it could possibly be real.

If he had to pick a day where he could die from happiness, this would certainly be the one—out of all the days of his life thus far.

Daichi knew he had it bad for Nekoma’s ex-captain. He had known it for a very long time, but after today there would be no escaping one very simple truth.

Daichi Sawamura loved Tetsurou Kuroo.

He was completely and deeply in love with the man, and it was bad. It was very bad.

Kuroo had the power to end him at any second with a few brief words. Daichi was afraid that if he came on too strongly, he would scare Kuroo away. But how was he supposed to hold himself in check, when Kuroo said the things he’d said today…kissed him the way he kissed today…looked at him with the fucking looks he’d given Daichi today.

When they’d reached his house, Daichi found his mom already in bed, even though it was only 5:30 p.m. She told him she wasn’t feeling well at all, and asked him to apologize profusely to their guest, hoping he would be up to dinner with her tomorrow night. Daichi assured her that Kuroo wouldn’t mind and kissed her goodnight, before heading to the living room.

He and Kuroo spent the evening eating leftovers and watching bad action movies on TV, cuddling and quietly laughing on the couch, careful not to disturb Ms. Sawamura. When the two men headed for bed, they had lingered in the hallway much too long, silently debating about whether or not it would be okay to do something with his mother in the house. In the end, they said goodnight, and went to separate rooms.

But now Daichi’s bedroom door creaked open and Kuroo was whispering out to him and he was telling Kuroo to come join him on the bed and this was it.

This was the moment Daichi Sawamura was going to die.

“Hey,” Kuroo said as he slipped under the covers to face Daichi. He stretched his long, lean form and grinned in the darkness like a Cheshire cat, before scooting his pajama-covered hips against Daichi. “Wanna make out?”

_Damn it._

It was obvious that Kuroo was very hard and in a mere matter of seconds, it was obvious that Daichi was very gay.

It wasn’t fair for one man to have so much power over him. It was easy for Kuroo to get a response from Daichi. All he had to do was ask. All this time of Daichi waiting patiently and anxiously and scared—and now all Kuroo had to do was ask.

It didn’t take long before the man in control had them both stripped naked after a long evening of holding back from one another. As Kuroo sat up to remove his shirt, Daichi maneuvered quickly towards his lap.

Kuroo’s dick was perfect, a slightly darker shade than the rest of his skin, long, and just thick enough.  It curved and pulsed against his stomach, letting Daichi know just how turned on he was. Daichi sighed contentedly as he eyed it again, fingering it playfully, delighting in his good fortune.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. He would beg if he had to.

Looking up to meet Kuroo’s curious gaze, Daichi asked, “Can I make you feel good, Tet?”

“God, please. I’ve been daydreaming about this all week.”

The words were murder, but Sawamura didn’t want to let that show. Letting out a soft chuckle, Daichi reached his palm up to Kuroo’s cheek, who leaned into it gently.

“I like that,” Daichi admitted, leaning to kiss down Kuroo's body, until he was back to his destination.  The way Kuroo squirmed when Daichi licked his magnificent hipbones made Daichi too impatient.  Taking Kuroo into his hand, he teased the head for a moment with his tongue, and then proceeded to suck his way down as far as possible. 

After a few moments of Kuroo biting back groans, he began to move. Daichi was jostled as Kuroo gulped out, “Gonna... _ah_... reposition… _hah!_ ”   

Sawamura had to release Kuroo's length, because they were both too tall and Kuroo's limbs were _everywhere_.  It took a moment for him to see that Kuroo was getting into a position that would allow them to suck each other off at the same time. 

Despite this being a long held fantasy of his, Daichi immediately worried that his actions had made Kuroo feel like he _had_ to reciprocate. His fear that he was coming on much too strong was right back at the forefront of his mind.

“Hey. You know you don’t need to—,“ he tried.

“What I _need_ is for you to stop doing shit like that,” Kuroo asserted.

Sitting up again, he motioned for Daichi to do the same.

“I know, okay? I know I don’t _have_ to do anything I don’t want to do. You’ve never made me feel otherwise…but how am I supposed to figure things out if you keep trying to stop me from touching you—or being intimate with you?” Kuroo asked seriously. “If I’m terrible at it or something, just tell me.”

“No! Terrible? Are you—,“ Inhaling deeply, Daichi ran his hands enticingly over Kuroo’s hips and thighs. “You are most definitely _not_ terrible at it. I’m just—I’m afraid.”

“Of me?”

“Of myself,” he admitted honestly. “I have wanted nothing more in my entire life than I want you, Tet…not one damn thing. I don’t know if I can control myself. I don’t know if I can last or if I’ll be embarrassing or if I’ll seem too intense for you to stay. Even when you say things to me about—you know…about being something more than friends, I almost can’t breathe. If I keep looking so desperate…”

Kuroo laughed quietly. “You _do_ look desperate.”

“I know,” Daichi groaned. “I’m sorry. I thought I could pretend this didn’t mean so much to m—“

Kuroo stole the rest of his thought right off of Daichi’s lips. Slowly. Deeply. Deliberately. Long fingers slid up Daichi’s neck and sunk into the short strands of his hair. When Kuroo broke the kiss finally, he ran his thumb gently over Daichi’s full lower lip, eyeing it adoringly.

Flicking those cat-like golden eyes to Daichi, he smiled as he said, “It’s fine, you know? If you want to get carried away, it’s fine. I _like_ knowing what I mean to you, Prim. I _like you._ That’s not the part of me that doesn’t know if I can do all of this.”

For a moment Kuroo’s eyes flashed with sadness and Daichi wanted to prod more, but decided to leave it be for tonight.

Kuroo continued, thumb still idly caressing at Daichi’s lips. “The way you want me? The way that’s so clear? That’s the reason I wanted to explore this in the first place. Don’t hold that back. Please.”

Daichi could feel his heart thrumming faster as it seemed it might somehow leap from his throat. He had imagined some scenario close to this so many times. He’d had years now to work out exactly how he would respond to sound cool and collected and romantic—to sweep Kuroo off his feet with words.

All those perfect phrases he’d methodically worked out vanished into nothingness. He was lucky that he even managed to mumble anything at all. “Okay,” was his brilliant, romantic response.

Kuroo huffed out another laugh, replacing his thumb on Sawamura’s mouth with his own lips. Pulling gently on Daichi’s lower lip with his teeth, Kuroo released it with a soft pop.

“So we agree, then? If I try to visit you or walk with you or hold your hand, it’s because I _want_ to do those things. If I kiss you,” he cooed demonstrating swiftly, “it’s because I _want_ to kiss you.”

Daichi blinked slowly, still not entirely sure he wasn’t in a dream. He still didn’t think it was fair for Kuroo to possess _that_ much power.

“If I attempt sucking your dick, you’ll just assume it’s because I _want_ to suck your dick, yes?” Kuroo smirked.

It was clear from Kuroo’s whole demeanor that he meant right then—right that very second. Daichi felt his blood go hot, burning through his skin and ringing in his ears.

Nodding and swallowing hard, Daichi hoarsely agreed, “Yes,” before impatiently making his way back between Kuroo’s thighs.

Kuroo groaned a little too loudly when Daichi sunk his mouth completely down Kuroo’s shaft, sucking hard against the flesh.

“Sorry. Too loud,” Kuroo whispered. “I know we’re not alone. I’m sorry. I’ve just… _ngh_ …n-never felt anything like you.”

Immensely flattered, Daichi hummed blissfully over the praise, sending vibrations he knew would make Kuroo shiver. He began bobbing his head faster, sloppily slicking Kuroo’s cock with his spit.

Kuroo whispered a husky stream of curses, before leaning himself over and pushing Sawamura’s legs apart. The several agonizingly slow stripes Kuroo licked from Daichi’s cock base to its head were so overwhelming that Daichi lost his own rhythm.

He gasped, asking for what he really wanted, instead of pushing Kuroo away.

“T-Tetsurou, please. More. I want more.”

Kuroo offered that sly grin and the two men held an erotic eye contact before they each plunged down the other’s cock. Vibrating, muffled, “Hmmfs” only fueled the pleasurable sensations until it was impossible for either of them to be silent, each hum or moan egging the opposite partner on faster.

Daichi bobbed up and down on Kuroo’s length, taking it all the way down his throat like a pro, never once gagging. He couldn’t believe this was his current reality. He had certainly fantasized about this scene, but had never expected it would come true.

Having wanted the feel of Kuroo’s cock on his tongue for so long only made him that much more eager to show the man how good his blowjobs could be.

It was something Sawamura was often praised over. He knew that something about the way he gave head had instantly hooked every man who had ever received a blowjob from him. Sometimes not for the better, when he would have to muster up telling them he had never intended there to be more than one night between them.

If there were any of his skills as a lover he wanted Kuroo to experience, it was this one. He didn’t know how long Kuroo would allow these kinds of things to keep happening between them. Part of him hoped if he could leave Kuroo a complete mess every time they were intimate, maybe he would stay longer.

Trying to do that and not fall apart over Kuroo noisily slurping him into a frenzy seemed more and more unlikely with each passing dip of his head. Somehow, Daichi managed it.

He knew it was coming when Kuroo pulled his mouth off and his hips began thrusting excitedly. As a familiar salty, warmth flooded Daichi’s mouth, he continued bobbing his head until he had sucked Kuroo completely dry. He might have managed his goal a little too well, as Kuroo fell back against the mattress.

“I can’t feel my limbs,” he laughed. Daichi couldn’t help but smile back, in spite of the tight pain he was beginning to feel in his lower half. Standing to his feet Daichi was about to make his way to the bathroom. He still wasn’t going to do anything Kuroo didn’t ask for.

“Wait. I want you to get off, too,” Kuroo said.

Smiling down at his exhausted face, Daichi said, “I will. I can just do it mys—“

“Fuck my face again,” he blurted.

“What?”

“I said ‘fuck my face again,’ sensei,” Kuroo punctuated each word.

After giving the staccato command, Tetsurou slid like jelly to the floor.

Supporting himself with elbows on the mattress, Kuroo moistened his lips thoroughly with his tongue. Casually, he used a warm hand on the back of Daichi’s toned thigh to nudge the man towards his open, waiting mouth. He looked so obscene. Sawamura could barely keep himself on his feet as he stared at the beautiful, lewd expression on Kuroo’s face.

“Shit, Tetsurou! I don’t know if I can restrain myself!”

Kuroo quirked an eyebrow and smirked. Giving a soft, wet kiss to the head of Daichi’s cock, Kuroo commanded, “Then don’t. Look at me. Do I look like a dainty little flower? I want you to fuck my face, Daichi…and I want you to fuck it like you mean it.”

Immediately, Daichi’s compulsive nervous coughing echoed through the dark bedroom, as Sawamura choked and spluttered his own drool. It was an offer he really had never even dreamed would happen. In his wildest imagination, he never thought Kuroo would be so turned on by Daichi forcing his cock as far down Kuroo’s throat as he pleased—as far and as hard and as fast…

There was certainly nothing Daichi could think of to compare to the excitement of that moment, as he grabbed hold of Kuroo’s hair with a firm grip and pushed his cock easily past Kuroo’s wet lips.

It felt incredible. Kuroo could take him as far as Daichi wanted to thrust, and the harder he thrusted the more Kuroo moaned and hummed and held eye contact with Daichi.

Kuroo’s hand came up and began massaging Daichi’s scrotum. Sawamura grunted and groaned as the sensation of pleasure wound tighter and tighter inside him. He was pumping into Kuroo’s mouth so enthusiastically, as he neared his orgasm, that when he accidentally pulled back too far past Kuroo’s lips, it was too late.

He was cumming hard and heavy on Kuroo’s face. Mortified, he tried to back away, but Kuroo held him firm with both hands clutching Daichi’s ass. Kuroo was shuddering out heavy audible breaths. He liked it. He wanted Daichi to cum on his face.

It was unfair. It was unfair that Sawamura had waited so long for a man that clearly wanted him so viscerally.

As Daichi continued to spurt his cum across Kuroo’s face, he fell apart at the sight of his lover lapping the last remaining drips from his spent, sensitive head.

“Fuuuck. Oh, Daichi. That was—“ Kuroo drawled out, pausing to wipe cum from his chin and lick it off his fingers.

Sawamura whined over the lewd sight, sinking to the ground beside Kuroo and kissing him just as frantically as if it were the first time.

Trying again, Kuroo breathed, “That was so fucking incredible. I don’t know what it is about you, but everything feels better than I’ve ever felt before. My god, you’re sexy as hell!”

Daichi chuckled quietly, grabbing his discarded shirt and using it to gently wipe away the mess he’d carelessly left all over Kuroo.

“Trust me. You’re the sexy one here,” he observed, before kissing Kuroo deeply again.

They made out for a while longer, Sawamura’s knees straddling Kuroo’s lap, until finally Daichi pulled away.

Sighing, he admitted, “I want you to sleep in here tonight, but you can’t. I don’t want my mom to get her hopes up that we might start dating. She likes you too much.”

“Yeah, but…we _might_ start dating.”

Standing, and helping Kuroo to his feet, Daichi said, “I don’t want her to know unless it happens, okay? If it doesn’t happen, she’ll be disappointed.”

Kuroo nodded his head in agreement, ruffling Daichi’s hair. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Will you be disappointed?” Kuroo asked, pulling his pajamas back on.

Daichi scrunched up his face as he slipped into his underwear and admitted, “I don’t think that’s a fair question for me to answer. You shouldn’t feel pressured by my feelings.”

“Tell me anyway.” Kuroo looked anxious and excited, like a little kid.

Knowing he couldn’t resist such a face, Daichi answered, “I will be devastated, alright?”

As Daichi sat back on the edge of his bed, Kuroo chuckled happily. “Good,” he said before placing a kiss to Daichi’s forehead.

Sawamura looked up at him, unable to keep the bliss out of his expression. Kuroo didn’t seem to mind. He leaned down again and placed a long, slow, silky kiss to Daichi’s lips that left Sawamura yearning for more as he pulled away.

“See you in the morning,” Kuroo whispered as he opened the bedroom door.

“Goodnight, gorgeous,” Daichi called quietly, smiling at the startled look it had caused Kuroo.

After a brief pause of grinning like an idiot, Kuroo responded, “’Night, Prim,” before pulling the door closed behind him.

Staring at his ceiling once again, Daichi couldn’t help but think this would undeniably be the day he would choose if he wanted to die happy.

 

 

**_To Be Continued…_ **


	5. Don't Want to Compare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi's kind, accepting mother is a far cry from Kuroo's own parents, and he's worried that Daichi will never understand where he's coming from.
> 
> The physical and emotional pull towards Sawamura seems to be far outweighing those concerns, however, and Kuroo longs to be more deeply involved.
> 
> (More notes at the end)

_His parents weren’t at home, so Kuroo was sitting on the floor at their coffee table, working on his chemistry homework._

_The front door opened and Kuroo’s mother walked past without saying anything.  He didn’t look up from his work until a little while later.  She had changed into clothes someone would wear at a dance club and was pulling the back of her pumps over her heels._

_“I’m going out, Tetsurou. I left dinner for your father in the fridge.  When he gets home, just heat it up,” she said._

_“He won’t eat the reheated food, you know,” he reminded her._

_“Well, that’s what he’s getting tonight,” she said, voice clearly annoyed and completely unconcerned about how her husband would respond to Tetsurou telling him_ 'that’s just what you’re getting.'

_Not one to argue with his parents, Kuroo asked his next question, “What about my dinner?”_

_She rolled her eyes, as she picked up her purse.  “What_ about _you? You think I’m just here to make food for everybody? You’re basically grown. Make whatever the hell you want, kid. And stay out of your father’s way.”_

_She didn't care if Kuroo got in trouble.  She only cared that her husband might go overboard with her not home.  That wasn't something she could stand for, because it would likely end with the two of them in prison._

_Quietly, Tetsurou responded, “I know.”_

_His mother suddenly walked over and smacked the back of his head harshly, before spitting, “Drop the attitude, Tetsurou, or I’ll call your father and let him know you're already pushing it.  You know you say 'Yes, ma'am' in this house.”_

_“Yes, ma’am.”_

_She gave him her look of disgust that Kuroo was extremely familiar with and left the house._

_Shortly after, Kuroo’s father returned home.  When Kuroo gathered his papers and began to stand, his dad asked gruffly, “Where are you going in such a rush?”_

_“I was going to go finish my homework in my room,” he answered, without really looking his father in the eye._

_“Sit down.  Do it in here,” his dad commanded._

_It was unusual and generally meant nothing good when his father wanted to keep Tetsurou in the same room.  Still, he dare not disobey, so he sat back down and took up his pencil again._

_Settling himself down on the couch, his father skeptically asked, “You still keeping your grades up at school?”_

_“Yes, sir.  I want to be able to go to a good university in the spring,” Kuroo answered enthusiastically._

_Apparently, his dad didn’t care much about that, despite drilling into his son’s head that he had better get into a good university and not disgrace the family name._

_His dad growled, “Who the hell do you think is going to pay for that?”_

_Quickly, Kuroo responded, “I’ve been approached by two schools for a volleyball scholarship, if my grades aren't good enough on their own for an academic scholarship.”_

_His dad was silent for a moment.  Kuroo actually thought maybe he had managed to do something to impress his father.  Of course, that wasn’t the case._

_His dad rolled his eyes and snorted. “You’re the best they could find?  That’s pathetic.”_

_Kuroo held in a disappointed sigh as his father switched on the television.  Going back to his homework, Kuroo couldn’t say he was surprised, but it still stung.  It always stung.  No matter how well he did in school or sports or anything else, it would never, ever be enough to impress his parents.  He was a burden, born to them too young and immature to handle a child._

_He had only elicited a smile out of his father twice in his life…besides the crazed expressions of glee he would show when he hurt Kuroo._

_Just a few more months, though. In just a few more months, he could leave and be free from his parents.  He only needed to stick it out a little longer._

_Once he got to college, he could finally get his own job and make his own money, something that was forbidden currently.  His parents wanted to make sure he stayed as dependent on them as possible, but in just a few months he could leave all of this behind.  He was excited about the freedom living on his own would offer._

_His thoughts were interrupted by his dad ordering, “Get up and go make me some dinner, boy.”_

_“Yes, sir,” he answered without hesitation._

_Going into the kitchen, Kuroo thought briefly about dumping his mom’s food and just making something else to start with.  He knew if he did that, however, when his mother brought up the food she had made to his father later, and he had no knowledge of it, Kuroo would be in trouble from both of them._

_Kuroo’s dad was an asshole, but he did whatever he could in front of his wife to please her.  Kuroo thought in their own, twisted way, the two of them really loved one another--just not their son.  If his mom were mad, Kuroo’s punishment would be fifty times worse.  It was the reason Kuroo hated his mother most.  She had all the power.  If she had wanted, she could have stopped his beatings anytime.  She had that much influence over the senior Kuroo, but she rarely said a word.  She was content to look the other way, unless it got out of hand to the point that she worried one of them would go to jail._

_He saw how his other friends’ mothers behaved.  He saw how mothers were towards their children in books and on TV, and he cursed his rotten luck over the parents he had been dealt.  On the one hand, he couldn’t help but compare and was terribly jealous of others.  On the other hand, part of him believed his friends just hid it better and the fictional depictions were just that…fictional._

_He would have to learn to hide it better, as well._

_Food reheated, he took the bowl out to serve to his father on the sofa, a favorite eating spot of his._

_As predicted, his father asked, “What’s this shit?”_

_“Mom left it before she went out.”_

_It was a no win situation, but Kuroo had chosen what he thought would garner him a less harsh punishment. Still, he saw the unmistakable flash in his dad’s eyes of something much more dangerous than irritation._

_“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” his father asked, smacking the bowl out of Kuroo’s hand.  The hot contents spilled everywhere, just missing his homework and splashing against his bare ankles.  He didn’t dare cry out.  That only ever made things worse._

_“Even if she says that, you know I only eat the nasty bullshit she cooks when she’s home.  I don’t want reheated crap.  You already know that, don’t you?  Don’t you, stupid?”_

_“Yes, sir,” he answered flatly._

_“We have a deal, don’t we? You eat this shit or get rid of it where she won’t find out.”_

_His dad had a handful of the wet noodles from the floor, shoving it at Kuroo’s mouth._

_Flinching but managing to avoid a mouthful of dirty food, Tetsurou responded, “Yes, sir.”_

_Throwing the food back at the ground, his dad commanded, “Fuck, kid! How are you supposed to even survive in college if you can’t do something as simple as this, fucking moron? Clean this up and go cook something fresh.”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_After quickly and quietly cleaning the mess his father had made, Kuroo brought out the ingredients to make a meal he knew would leave his father satisfied. Because Kuroo was not allowed to eat with his family except on holidays, he snuck bites of the dish as he prepared it.  It was pretty good, if he had to qualify, though he didn’t take a bite from the main dish’s meat.  That would have been much too obvious._

_The next day, Kuroo would make sure to balance his meal for lunch. He’d become very proficient at getting the most out of the meals available at the school shop, and Kenma often brought extra calories for Kuroo to eat during practices. Sometimes, instead of writing and editing, Kuroo thought it might be nice to become a nutritionist in the future._

_The timer on the stove buzzed its completion. Plating the food, Kuroo looked at the clock.  Only a few hours until he could go to bed.  Then he could wake up and get to volleyball practice all the earlier, getting himself out of the house as soon as possible._

_Finally coming out of the kitchen again and setting the food on the table, Kuroo noticed his dad didn’t look up from whatever was in his hand._

_Swallowing thickly, a sudden nervousness flooding over him, Tetsurou said, “Dinner is ready, dad.”_

_“What is this shit?” his dad asked, holding up Kuroo’s cellphone with a wicked glint in his eye that Kuroo knew much too well._

_“What is what, sir?” Kuroo questioned, praying his voice didn’t hold any of his natural but completely unintentional sarcasm._

_His father thrust the phone towards him, and Tetsurou gulped, shaking slightly where he stood.  “Who is this Sawamura person?  What the hell are these messages?”_

_“H-he’s another volleyball captain.  A rival,” Tetsurou began to explain._

_The senior Kuroo scoffed with distaste.  “A rival?  And you’re this familiar with him?  What are they teaching you at this damn school?  You shit talk your enemies, not get all buddy-buddy.  No wonder your school can’t get to Nationals with you as the captain.”_

_“We haven’t had the qualifiers, yet, actua—“ he started._

_“Are you interrupting me, boy?” his father growled, gripping Kuroo’s ear and twisting.  Kuroo immediately kneeled on the floor at his father’s feet, to escape the sharp pain it caused.  Not only that, but things always went better if he lowered himself before his father._

_“No, sir.  I’m sorry, sir.”_

_His father continued scrolling through Tetsurou’s phone, while exclaiming, “What are these messages, anyway?  These aren’t just familiar.  I sure as hell don’t talk to other guys like this. It’s almost like you’re fucking flirting like some disgusting homo.  Are you a fag, Tetsurou?”_

_“Wh-what?” Kuroo stuttered, suddenly terrified of where the conversation was going. He really didn’t think there was anything that unusual about his messages to Daichi. He had even deleted a few because he thought they might seem a bit, as his dad put it, flirty. Apparently, his judgement on that was off._

_“Are you gay, boy?  You doing some kind of nasty homo shit while you’re on these volleyball trips?  I certainly need to have a chat with that crazy old coach of yours!  Maybe I need to pull you off of that team, before you bring down our whole family.”_

_“No!  No, sir.  I’m not doing anything like that.  I swear.  You don’t have to worry about me embarrassing the family.”_

_“Like hell I don’t!  You’re so fucking useless, it’s disgusting.  How am I supposed to believe anything you say when you lie all the time, boy?”_

_“I don’t, sir!” he said a little too loudly._

_His father didn’t like that hint of defiance, at all.  “What was that?!”_

_Kuroo kowtowed to the carpet, rushing out his sentences, “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I meant, I don’t lie intentionally, sir.  I would never do that, sir.  I just want to make you proud, dad.”_

_His dad paused his tirade.  After a few moments he actually started laughing.  “That’s unlikely. I ought to teach you another lesson in respect right now, but I’m fucking hungry.  Get out of here before I change my damn mind.”_

_Kuroo was surprised that his father was letting him go. He felt like he was frozen in place, struggling to process the opportunity. Kuroo willed his legs to move with all his might. Standing quickly, he managed a nervous, “Y-yes, sir!”_

_“Tetsurou, if I find out you’re a lying homo, I’ll do you a favor and kill you right then.  Understand?  I can’t have you walking around the streets like that with_ my _family name.  You're not going to get away with living some disgusting deviant lifestyle.  Got it, boy?”_

_His dad wasn’t looking at him as he spoke, only at the dinner Kuroo had just prepared, and that chilled Kuroo to the bone more than any of his dad’s vehement glares._

_“Got it, sir,” Tetsurou responded softly._

_Nodding, his dad gritted his teeth to growl, “Now get out of this house.  I don’t want to look at your face anymore tonight.”_

_Without hesitation, without his phone, without anything in his pockets, Kuroo rushed out of the front door and paced on the stoop.  He began to panic, knowing there was nothing he could do at the moment._

_If his dad went to his room that night and somehow found what Kuroo had been hiding, everything was over.  He didn’t doubt that his dad meant his vicious words._

_Tetsurou knew his parents would be upset, but he didn't realize until that moment that liking other boys was something so completely repulsive that his father would threaten to kill him.  It had just seemed like a natural part of him, but maybe there was a way he could turn it off-- make it stop.  He had to do something before it was too late._

_Kuroo was so panicked, he couldn’t even manage to actually leave the house.  Walking to the back door, Kuroo sat behind their shed until late in the evening, an anxious crying mess…hoping he could get rid of his lockbox without his father ever noticing._

_He only wanted to make his parents love him the way they were supposed to, but now his father had admitted that he found something about Kuroo so vile, that there wasn't even a place for him in their life._

_He had never meant to feel attracted to Sawamura.  It had just happened.  He didn't know if it was something he could just shut off, but his fear was overwhelming._

_"I didn't mean to.  I didn't mean to.  I didn't mean to..."_

 

~   ~   ~   ~

Just as he was rolling the tomagoyaki, Kuroo felt a gentle, soft kiss at the base of his neck, and smiled.

“What are you doing?” Daichi questioned in a playfully accusatory way.

“Spiking volleyballs.  What does it look like?” Kuroo responded, enjoying the warmth of Daichi leaning flush against his back.

Kuroo felt another kiss between his shoulder blades and felt Daichi’s hands squeeze at his hips, before Daichi sighed contentedly and crossed over to set the other food Kuroo had prepared for breakfast on the table.

“I’m going to be in trouble,” Daichi mused.

Plating the rolled eggs, Kuroo raised an eyebrow and asked, “You are?  Why?”

As if in answer, Daichi’s mom was rolling out of her bedroom in her wheelchair and immediately clucked, “Oh!  Oh no.  Daichi, didn’t I tell you not to let him do this again?  He’s our guest.  He shouldn’t be making breakfast for all of us like that.”

Daichi leaned over and kissed his mom good morning, before saying, “I did tell him.  I don’t even know where he got the food.  Remember?  You told me not to have any ingredients like that in the house, so he could sneak and do it.”

Kuroo chuckled.  “Sorry.  Sorry.  I couldn’t sleep well, so I walked to the closest 24 hour market and grabbed a few things.”

Surveying the table, Daichi’s mother responded, “A few things?!  You’ve made a full breakfast spread!”

“I know,” Kuroo answered, “but it’s really the least I could do, isn’t it?  You let me come and stay with such short notice.  Plus, you know I love to cook...especially for you.”

She gave him a reprimanding look with absolutely no merit behind it.  Her lips easily curled into a smile as she held her arms up to him.  The two of them both laughed, and Kuroo reached down to give her a warm hug.  She had always given the warmest hugs.

“Morning,” he said.

“Oh, good morning, you dear,” Daichi’s mother grinned, as they all gathered at the table.

“Mom, don’t flirt with Tetsurou,” Daichi teased her.

She glared at her son most unconvincingly.  “Now see here, young man, you know he’s like a second son.”

Kuroo’s heart tightened in his chest and he wasn’t sure why…or maybe he was.  A mother that claimed him even though he wasn’t her responsibility, even though she didn’t see him much…

Kuroo stuffed a bite of egg into his mouth to distract him from the stinging in his eyes.

After taking her first bite, Daichi’s mom sighed loudly and said, “I still can’t understand how you’re such a good chef, Tetsurou.  Everything you make is always too delicious.”

Memories of long stretches where his parents intentionally ignored him and having to fend for himself most times flooded to him.  He tried not to let it show on his face.  Smiling wistfully, he said, “I just really enjoy it.”

Daichi’s mother smiled fondly at him, but while Kuroo took another bite, he noticed Daichi studying his face intensely, with a slight frown.

Changing the subject, Kuroo asked, “So, what should we get into today?”

Daichi took a deep, sleepy breath, answering, “At 10:00 this morning, mother has her appointment.  It usually takes a couple of hours, but after that, we can do anything you like.”

Kuroo set his glass down on the table a bit too loudly. He wasn’t a fan of being made to choose. “Anything I like?  That seems like a lot of pressure.  It's not like I'm super familiar with the area.  Why can’t you pick?  What do you normally do on Saturdays?”

“I don’t think you would like going where I usually go on Saturday nights,” Daichi replied, quickly stuffing a bite of breakfast into his mouth.

“Why not?”

Daichi looked a little uncomfortable, but said nothing.  His mother looked back and forth between the two, waiting for her son to respond. When he didn’t, she snorted.

“Come on, Daichi!  Surely Kuroo’s been to a gay bar before,” she laughed.

Kuroo felt his eyes widen, just missing knocking over his glass. He saw the blush crawling across Daichi’s face as he hid his expression behind his hand.

Daichi’s mother looked between the two of them again, smile faltering slightly.  “Oh,” she said.  Her own eyes, the same gorgeously deep brown as her son’s, widened and she repeated a little louder, “Oh!  Oh my.  Tetsurou, I didn’t mean _you_ were…Daichi, he knew, right?  God, please tell me he at least already knew. How could he not…all this time…he surely…”

Daichi waved his hand and shook his head, “It’s okay, mom.  He did.  He knew.”

Kuroo felt like a complete idiot yet again for intentionally ignoring this vital part of his friend’s life, and now he had managed to embarrass Daichi’s mother, a woman who was never anything but amazing to Kuroo.

“I’m sorry, boys.  I always end up with my foot in my mouth, it would seem.  I should just keep my mouth closed,” she muttered, putting her head in her hands.  She was blushing, which was easy to see on her pallid skin.

Kuroo got out of his chair and crouched beside her wheel chair, placing a hand on her tiny, frail one.  “No.  No, of course you shouldn’t.  You haven’t done anything wrong.  I wish you would have said it sooner, actually.”

“Kuroo,” Daichi warned.  His face looked a little panicked, and Kuroo didn’t want to say too much, but he had to say something.  He had never had a parent in his life like Mrs. Sawamura.  He didn’t want to cause her to feel uncomfortable about this. She was always so genuine with him, he felt it was only right to be honest with her.

“What?” he started.  “I’m a stupid asshole.  She’s always treated me too kindly, even though I was doing something so wrong to you, Daichi.  I don’t want to be protected.  She should hate me.  Quite frankly, _you_ should hate me.  I still don’t understand exactly how you don’t. She deserves to know the truth.”

“Kuroo.”  This time the warning was more of a plea on Daichi’s part, as he lowered himself to the other side of his mother’s wheel chair to meet Tetsurou’s gaze.

“Daichi, let him talk.”

Kuroo stared at Daichi for a moment. He could see that Daichi wanted him to stay quiet, but this was something he _had_ to do. He grimaced at ignoring Daichi’s wishes, mouthing “sorry” before turning his full attention to Mrs. Sawamura.  

“I did know that Daichi was gay…but only because I found out last week.  Only because I was so stupid and so hurtful that he had no choice but to spell it out to my face.”

“Tetsurou, what—” she began, face rightfully confused, but he had to get everything out.

“I’m an idiot.  I ignored it.  I didn’t know he was gay, because I didn’t want to—because I didn’t want to ask that about myself.  I still don’t know if I can handle knowing that about myself.  I feel like trash for multiple reasons,” he sneered at himself.

“Honey,” she tried again. He felt like she was now watching him with pity and he hated it.

Daichi reached across her lap and put his hand on top of Kuroo’s, squeezing gently.  It was almost too much.  Why would they be nice to him right now?  How could they overlook his immaturity?

“I know you probably can’t forgive me for being so unfair towards your son, but I swear I’m telling the truth when I say I didn’t intend to do anything that would hurt him.  I care about Daichi a great deal.  He’s there for me when no one else has been. He’s trustworthy and good; always has been.  I’m none of those things. I’m just a coward.”

Flipping her small hand over inside Kuroo’s grasp to squeeze back at his hold, she began speaking softly—soothingly.  “Tetsurou, sweetheart, of _course_ you’re telling the truth.  Why wouldn’t you be?  You’re not the kind of person that just lies for the sake of lying.  What is there to forgive, anyway?  Look at my son’s face.  He’s not angry with you for anything.  He’s hurting for you, and so am I, my dear.  I don’t know what’s happened in your life to make you so unsure of yourself, but it’s okay to be confused.  It’s all right to be scared…just don’t be scared all alone, okay?”

She reached her arms out and snatched him into a hug.  For a moment, Kuroo wasn’t sure this was okay.  He wasn’t sure he was allowed to accept such treatment from someone else’s parent.  He didn’t think it was fair of him to want it, but he did.  He wanted her to hug him and tell him he wasn’t alone.  He wanted to be reassured—coddled. Here he was feeling like a baby in his late 20s.

When he finally let go to see Daichi watching him in earnest, he muttered, “I’m such an embarrassment.”

Daichi took his hand again, as his mother scolded, “Don’t you say something like that!  Are my hugs so embarrassing to you?”

“No!  I like them, actually,” he blurted out.  “They’re nice, your ‘mom’ hugs.  That’s what’s embarrassing. Isn’t that kind of childish?”

She grinned and patted his cheek, before turning to pat her son’s face, as well.  “If it is, you’re in good company.  Daichi still hugs me several times a day, after all.”

“Ma,” Daichi complained, squeezing Tetsurou’s hand a little tighter.  Kuroo looked at those sturdy fingers laced with his and felt his heart swell. He felt happiness shine through all of his remorse, at least for that moment that his hand was in Daichi’s.

His mother snickered. “It’s true.  For the record, you’ll always be children to me,” she smiled.

Daichi shook his head, and Kuroo watched intently as Daichi stood to clear the table for them.  Daichi really looked quite fine in the early morning light that had been streaming through the window.  Kuroo didn’t understand what Daichi thought he had to offer someone like him.  He had seen again and again that Daichi’s worth had always been more than his, as far as he was concerned.  What could Kuroo possibly have that Daichi even needed?

He was afraid Daichi could never understand him or where he was coming from.  To him, it seemed that everything had gone easily for Sawamura.  Kuroo didn’t want to be someone who was looked down upon.  Besides his parents, that was the biggest thing holding Tetsurou back from a life with him.

As Daichi cleaned off the plates, Kuroo turned back to Daichi’s mother.  “Can I ask you something?”

She nodded.  Kuroo was still feeling nervous and unsure, but he asked anyway.  “How did you manage to accept Daichi?  Weren’t you so disappointed in him at first?”

Her face fell for a moment over his question, and he felt awful for having asked such a thing.  “Disappointed in him?” she puzzled.  “No.  He could never be a disappointment over something like who he finds attractive. Tetsurou, is that what you’re afraid of?  You’re afraid your parents will be disappointed?”

He really didn’t understand.  No one could be as supportive as Mrs. Sawamura.  Surely there was something he was missing.  Maybe Daichi hadn’t started out the terrible child that Kuroo had been with his own parents…maybe Kuroo was right and he had the parents he deserved.  He felt out of place around someone like her— but that soft expression she always gave to either them…

He wanted to believe in that kind of mother.

“No.  That’s not—disappointment is just sort of their natural state with me.  I can’t be afraid of something when I already have the answer.  I was never as well behaved as Daichi, I guess.  You know I’m a bit of a troublemaker,” he tried to make light of the situation.

Mrs. Sawamura didn’t smile back or agree, so Kuroo continued.  “I think I disappoint them in general, so adding something like this to their stress—it just seems overwhelming. They wouldn’t take it well,” he admitted, somehow feeling lighter as he did.

“I see.  Well,” Sawamura’s mom continued with a cautious sort of attitude, “as for accepting him…what was there to accept?  This is just another part of him, like his brown eyes or his black hair.  I’m not saying there weren’t some things in his future that I pictured looking a little different, but those were things _I_ needed to reframe, not him.  I feel like we became closer once I knew the truth. He didn't become a different man after I found out.  He’s still my Daichi.”

“Yeah,” Kuroo supposed.  He realized that if Daichi was still ‘her Daichi,’ then he would still be ‘their waste-of-space Tetsurou’ except they would also find him abhorrent.  Hoping that didn’t show on his face, he said, “I’m sorry again for being so…unsure. I feel very rude.”

“You’ll figure it all out, dear,” Mrs. Sawamura reassured.

Kuroo couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of longing to have experienced just a little of what it must have been like to have a mother like her.  He knew comparing her with his own parents would do him no favors, but he couldn’t seem to help it.

Especially when she added the overly optimistic and, frankly, delusional, “Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.  Maybe your parents just need to reframe some things, too.”

He shook his head, smiling somewhat ruefully, adding, “You’re kind of amazing at being a mother, you know?”

“Oh please, don’t flatter me for that.”

“I mean it. It’s not a talent for everyone,” he lamented. Even though Kuroo was looking at the floor, he could feel both Daichi and his mother’s eyes on him. He looked up in time to catch them sharing a troubled glance.

She offered another hug, one Kuroo imagined would be awkward for her after everything but was, instead, her most comforting yet.  Daichi came back over and kissed her hair.  She stared at the two of them quietly, a look of pensive fondness in her eyes, and then excused herself to finish getting ready for her appointment.

After leaning against the kitchen counter, Daichi watched Kuroo again with great caution.  Kuroo couldn’t imagine what Daichi thought might happen if he stared into him long enough.  A few moments later, he stood up straight again.

“I’m guess I’m going to go take my shower,” Daichi said quietly.  “Do you need anything first?”

Shaking his head, Kuroo muttered, “Sorry for talking about that stuff with your mom.  Are you mad?”

“No,” Daichi said firmly.  He walked over and squeezed Kuroo into a tight embrace.  “No.  I think it was good for you.  I think that was something important for you that needed to happen, so how could I be mad at that?”

He smiled up at Kuroo, who couldn’t help but lean down and give Daichi a lingering kiss for continuing to be so understanding day after day.  It felt different.  It felt special to be so attracted to someone he already adored and trusted the way he did his friendship with Sawamura.  Kuroo knew he would need help beyond Daichi— professional help, but he couldn’t help but feel lucky for the man who had agreed to walk beside him through this.  Even if he thought that made Daichi a little insane.

The feeling was so overwhelming, that Kuroo was shocked to feel moisture stinging the corners of his eyes as Daichi headed to the bathroom.

= = = =

Kuroo didn’t have time to feel embarrassed about his forward, rude questions until after Daichi and his mother finally left for her appointment.  He tried to distract himself with the TV, but was feeling much too mortified to concentrate on any sort of plot.

Instead he shot Kenma a text, reading, “I think I made an ass of myself.”

Kenma’s response was immediate.  No doubt the phone was already in his hand when Kuroo’s message came through.

“Probably,” was his one word reply.

“Thanks.  Thanks so much for the unyielding support, jerk,” he responded.

Kuroo’s phone rang and the two friends had a short conversation about how the weekend was going so far and how Kenma agreed he was probably making an ass of himself and about how Kuroo ought to throw out all of Kenma’s gaming consoles once he got back to Tokyo.

Once Kenma had managed to actually make him laugh and put Kuroo at ease, the two ended the call.  It took only a few seconds before another text chimed on Tetsurou’s phone.

“Get laid or get out.”

Kuroo stared at the screen.  He really was still surprised Kenma could be so bossy under that shy exterior that everyone else was exposed to.  He wasn’t sure if he should laugh or gasp and faint.

Instead he replied with a simple, “Kenma, stop,” before falling asleep for a bit on the guest bed, imagining something completely inappropriate involving Daichi in that very spot.

Just after lunch time, Kuroo heard the Sawamura family car pulling back into its driveway.  He headed out to help them inside, and paused when Daichi stood from the driver’s seat.  Kuroo stood still, staring at Daichi much too obviously.

“Fuck,” he mouthed before realizing it.

Daichi made a cute confused face which only made things worse.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

Kuroo shook his head and opened the car door for Daichi’s mom, while her son pulled the wheelchair from the back.  After helping her into the chair and inside the house, Daichi adjusted the frames of the glasses he was wearing and Kuroo felt something catch in his throat.

It had been a long time…so long, that Kuroo had forgotten Daichi needed glasses when he drove or worked on a lot of paperwork or read for a while…so long, that Kuroo had completely forgotten forcing away that recurring dream he used to have of Professor Sawamura “praising” his top student Tetsurou.

He tried to swallow as Daichi smiled back at him before taking his mother to settle her in her room, but he couldn’t.  He walked quickly to the kitchen to pour a drink of water and chugged it back.  He poured himself another drink, but before he could down it, Daichi came back out and asked if it was for him.

Kuroo could only nod and felt like an adolescent pervert watching Daichi’s lips close around the edge of the glass where his own mouth had been just moments before.  There was something erotic about staring at his Adam’s apple bob with the swallow of water, and Kuroo knew he was a hopeless moron for getting excited about the indirect kiss when he could have just had the real thing.

Placing the glass down, Daichi turned to him and asked, “Okay.  So what are you staring at so intently?”

Kuroo motioned to the glasses, unconsciously moistening his lips.

“Oh, I forgot to leave them in the glovebox,” he said, about to remove them from his face.

“No, leave them,” Kuroo requested, a little too enthusiastically.

Daichi was startled for only a second before laughing.  “So it wasn’t just my imagination, then?  You _have_ been leering after me.”

Kuroo shrugged and stepped forward.  “You look so hot, like a…” he cursed internally over failing to find words, “…a sexy school teacher.”

Daichi smiled bigger, cocking his hip slightly towards Kuroo.  “I _am_ a sexy school teacher, Tetsurou.”

“Right,” Kuroo said distractedly.  “That’s right.”

The words came out sluggishly, but all Kuroo could concentrate on anymore was the undeniably sexy smirk on Daichi’s lips, just under that blessed pair of frames.

“Hey, Prim?” he asked, eyes focusing hard on the way Daichi’s lower lip was pulled slightly back by his teeth.  “Are you busy right now?”

Kuroo squeezed his eyes shut.  God, he was making such an ass of himself.  ‘Are you busy?’ he mouthed, squinting just enough to see Daichi watching him, terribly amused.

“Tetsurou?” Daichi finally asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you want to go to the bedroom?”

“Yes.”

Daichi's grin was broad and uncontrollable as he gestured for Kuroo to head down the hall.  The two walked back to the guest room and Kuroo climbed in first, extending his arms to pull Daichi down onto him.  Daichi climbed between Kuroo’s legs, rested his head on Kuroo’s chest, and looked up to grin some more.

“Still want me to leave them on?” he asked, motioning to the glasses.

Kuroo nodded eagerly, but when Daichi shifted like he was slightly uncomfortable, Kuroo thought of something he had selfishly never really considered before.

“Do you even like cuddling?” he asked.

“Not really,” Daichi admitted, securing his arms around Kuroo’s waist in order to assure him that didn’t apply where he was concerned.  “Besides the few people I’ve dated and you, I’ve only been comfortable enough to be cuddly with—”

“Sugawara,” Kuroo finished knowingly.

Daichi laughed softly.  “Yeah.  You know me too well on some things,” he mused, nuzzling his head against Kuroo’s hooded sweatshirt.  Daichi's mother liked to keep the house quite cold because she became easily overheated, so Kuroo always brought one when he visited the Sawamura home.

Kuroo didn’t want to break the comfortable silence, but there was something he suddenly _had_ to know.  “So…did you and Suga ever date then?”

Daichi laughed a breathy, reflective sort of laugh.  “Nah.  Suga’s always had a bit of a thing for the whole bad boy vibe, and I—hold on.  Wait.  Wait just a minute.  You knew Suga was gay, but not me?” Daichi interrupted himself, turning so he could better see the man he was laid against.

“Suga’s way more vocal about that kind of thing than you are,” Kuroo shrugged.  Daichi conceded that fact with a head nod, and Kuroo continued, “So, you’re not really Suga’s type.  Then why didn’t you ever want to date him?”

Daichi sat up, raising an eyebrow and making Kuroo’s stomach tighten.  “I should think that would be pretty obvious at this point, Tetsu.”

Smiling small and nervous, pushing the glasses gently up the bridge of Daichi’s nose, Kuroo added, “Maybe I just want to hear you say it again.”

“I never had those kinds of feelings for Suga, because I’ve been pining over the same jackass since my last year of high school,” Daichi taunted, getting to his knees to straddle Kuroo’s lap.

“Mm,” Kuroo smiled, running the backs of his fingers down the sides of Sawamura’s neck.  “Is that so?  You’re telling me you and Suga never hooked up then?”

“No.  Now, I didn’t say that,” Daichi answered, piquing Kuroo’s interest and perhaps his jealousy.  “We mostly just experimented a little when we were in high school, because we were both curious and trying to find out who we were.”

“Hot," Kuroo chimed, though he seemingly couldn't control his eyes rolling.

“A little.  More like half hot, half awkward-as-hell, bumbling, teenage balls of hormones with no idea what they were doing,” Daichi laughed.  The memories must have been extremely funny, which made Kuroo feel a twinge of jealousy.  Though, the way Daichi’s face was all lit up and how Kuroo could feel his deep, rumbly laugh driving straight into him more than made up for the envy.

“So then, he was your first kiss?”

“With a boy, yeah.  There were also some awkward first hand jobs, but mostly we just really enjoyed making out…often.  We still make out sometimes, if neither of us is seeing anyone.  Maybe I shouldn’t tell you, but Suga’s kind of gifted when it comes to kissing,” Daichi admitted with a shrug, winking at Kuroo behind those frames.

Kuroo flicked him in the middle of his forehead.  Hard.

“Ow!  What?  You probably have some scandalous first kiss story, too,” Daichi countered, kissing Kuroo lightly against his neck.  It tickled, and Tetsurou couldn’t help but smile.

Kuroo thought back to the night of training where he had received his first kiss, hand job, and blow job all at once from a girl who didn’t even care about him.  He blushed furiously, responding, “No comment.”

“Cheater,” Daichi pouted, looking absurdly sexy.

“We’re not talking about that, anyway.  We were talking about how _you’re_ sitting on _my_ lap telling me how excellent a kisser Sugawara happens to be.”

“Hm,” Daichi mused, leaning back a bit to pretend he was lost in thought, “that’s right.  We were. You know it’s really all in the way he—”

“Oi!  What about me?” Kuroo exclaimed, pinching Daichi’s ass and dragging him closer still as Daichi chuckled.

“It’s hard for me to answer that objectively,” Daichi responded thoughtfully.  As Kuroo was about to call him out for avoiding a real answer, he added, “I’ve just been so starved to kiss you all this time, that I won’t be able to feel satisfied until we experiment more— a lot more.”

Kuroo swallowed hard as his thoughts became muddled all over again.  "That’s…uh…that’s a good line, Sawamura.  When did you get so seductive?”

"Maybe I've always been this seductive," he purred, shifting his weight around on Kuroo's lap.

Kuroo knew there was some sarcastic comeback he should use, but it remained just out of his reach as Daichi adjusted his glasses with one hand, and pushed Kuroo slowly into the pillows with the other.

"Tetsu," he whispered a hairsbreadth away from Kuroo's lips.

Daichi's own lips were slicked with saliva, shining wet and plump above Kuroo's own.  Somehow Tetsurou still managed to hum out, "Mm-hm?"

"Kiss me."

In less time than a blink, Kuroo hummed another response against those wet and plump lips, before wetting them some more with his own tongue.

He easily understood what Daichi meant about starving to kiss him.  The urges were growing more intense by the day...by the minute.  He didn't know if it would be possible to ever feel satisfied that he'd had enough of Sawamura's lips.

Humming again loudly, Kuroo aggressively coaxed a desperate whine from Daichi's throat using only his tongue and his roaming hands.

“I want to go out with you tonight…to the bar your mom mentioned,” Kuroo muttered between kisses.

“Are you sure?” Daichi asked, looking at him unconvinced before slipping his tongue back out to lick Kuroo’s neck.

“Yes.  Show me what it’s like,” Kuroo ordered, sucking at Daichi’s bottom lip.  “Show me what it’s like to be with you.”

 

 

_**To Be Continued...** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took a while, guys. I sat on it for a week trying to decide if I actually liked it or not. In the end, I couldn't think of what else to do for this chapter so I posted it. I hope you all still enjoy, and the next chapter will be out much more quickly than this was. :)


	6. Don't Want This Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi spent much of his past being jealous of all the girls Kuroo always seemed to have around, and despite being told by a friend that Kuroo would never return such feelings, Daichi still couldn't manage to let go.
> 
> It may not be true, however, that Kuroo would never come to feel jealous of Daichi being with someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, guys. I really wanted to get it right, but I've ended up staring at it for so long now that I'm not sure it even makes sense anymore. I decided to go ahead and post, though, because the longer I hold onto it, the more frustrated I become. Sigh.  
> I really hope you can feel where I was going with this and still like it.
> 
> **This chapter mentions sex with other characters than the main pair, but it serves the ultimate story, so I hope you don't mind.**

_Every time Daichi felt like things might finally be leading somewhere with Kuroo, his roommate would inevitably end up hosting a party at their apartment. A party full of people, but in particular, full of the kinds of girls interested in getting Kuroo alone in his bedroom._

_For Daichi, having to smile and socialize and pretend to have a good time, while the man that_ should _have been hosting was busy getting laid was bad enough on its own. Throw into that the fact that Daichi would have given anything to be the one alone in the bedroom with Kuroo, and it was almost unbearable._

_The latest party was a result of the last night they both had been off from work, which they spent watching a marathon of the “Indiana Jones” movies on the couch, until late. Kuroo had cooked a delicious dinner, and Daichi made popcorn after the first two films were over. Daichi had come to love this domestic little routine of theirs, looking forward to it more and more._

_When Daichi started to feel tired that night, he laid back against Kuroo’s chest, something his friend was always encouraging. As Kuroo stroked absent-mindedly at Daichi’s hair, Daichi made the bold move of holding Kuroo’s free hand. It wasn’t like they had never held hands, but he was pretty certain they hadn’t done it like this before…not in such an intimate setting as in the dark, quietly laying together, alone._

_Kuroo’s fingers tangled with his, and Daichi rested the heel of Kuroo’s palm on his abdomen. Daichi’s t-shirt had ridden up ever so slightly, leaving them skin to skin where Kuroo’s hand slid out flat against Daichi’s flesh. Kuroo tensed a little beneath Daichi at the warmth coming off Daichi’s abs, but he easily relaxed back into what he’d been doing before—carding the other hand through Daichi’s soft, short hair. Daichi wondered if Kuroo always did this because he liked the soft texture that was so different from his own._

_Things were often like this between them, and Daichi found his feelings for Kuroo getting stronger all the time. He didn’t know why Kuroo never said it out loud, but he imagined it was for the same reason he himself had never confessed. Kuroo was nervous about the potential of damaging their friendship. Daichi wanted to be patient and wait for Kuroo to make that first real move between them. Otherwise, he thought he could never really be sure if it was something Tetsurou felt pressured into out of respect for his friend’s feelings._

_As “The Last Crusade” played on in the background, Kuroo nervously tried to strike up conversation. Whenever he would ask something, his fingers would distractingly caress across Daichi’s stomach so feather-light it should have been barely noticeable. Daichi thought it might have been something one could ignore as just reflex, if it weren’t for the fact that he was concentrating so hard on the rapid thumping in Kuroo’s chest and heat coming off his body, just beneath Daichi’s head._

_“I think this one’s my favorite, you know? Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. What could be better, right?” Kuroo tossed out._

_It seemed he held his breath as Daichi shifted his weight just slightly to respond, “I see the appeal, definitely, but come on! ‘Raiders’ is definitely the best of the series!”_

_“You don’t know what you’re talking about. This is a total ‘bro’ movie. Sean Connery makes the film!” Kuroo argued, fingers subtly stroking Daichi’s skin._

_Truly, Daichi loved the third film, but he loved arguing with Kuroo more. “Whatever you say. Look, as long as we can agree that ‘Crystal Skull’ is the worst, I think we’ll be okay. I won’t have to disown you.”_

_Kuroo laughed his ridiculous loud laugh, and the way it rumbled right through Daichi’s back and into his own chest filled Daichi with warmth. He wanted to roll over and hug tightly to Kuroo, but there was always that tiny something holding him back. He was almost certain by now that Kuroo was attracted to both women and men, but it was that “almost” that frightened him. If he were wrong, he feared he would damage their relationship beyond repair, and there was no way he was strong enough for that._

_At least, not at that point in their lives._

_Daichi was interrupted from his mind running the familiar frustrated loop, when Kuroo stopped his hands and put his face against Daichi’s hair. “Did you change shampoos?” Kuroo asked. The intimacy caused Daichi’s breath to hitch momentarily._

_“Yeah, why? Does it smell weird? It’s too fruity, isn’t it?” Daichi worried, suddenly self-conscious of the very thing that had worried him at the store._

_“What? No,” Kuroo laughed, before burying his nose in the locks again and deeply inhaling their scent. “No, not at all. I was just thinking it smelled really good.”_

_“Oh.”_

_Daichi was glad it was dark…glad his pink face was facing away from Kuroo…glad no one could see him floundering over what to do next. There was no way he’d be able to hide his redness, even with only the dim light of the television. Then again, if he could feel Kuroo’s heart suddenly hammering, Kuroo could surely feel his doing the same._

_“Daichi,” Kuroo said quietly, “could you look at me for a second?”_

_Sawamura’s heart pounded even more rapidly, right up into his throat as he turned, still situated between Kuroo’s legs. Kuroo looked at him, studying him with some newfound curiosity. It made Daichi’s insides knot into a tangled mess and his head felt light, as he held his breath._

_They were close. So very close that Daichi could smell the faint scent of their buttered popcorn on Kuroo’s lips. The tension between them was so palpable, it almost had a scent of its own._

_“Tetsurou,” Daichi breathed softly, wishing his roommate would just hurry up and close the gap._

_Instead, Kuroo blinked hard a few times and sat up straight, knocking Daichi to the side, whatever momentary magical spell he was under clearly broken. “I just had a great idea!” he shouted a little too loudly. “We should have another party!”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Yeah. It’s been awhile,” Kuroo proclaimed._

_“We just had one last month,” Daichi pointed out._

_“I know, and I haven’t been laid since then either. I think I’m getting kinda hard up,” he grumbled, delivering a verbal slap to Daichi’s face._

_Daichi should have known. With very little effort, Kuroo always managed to leave him wanting. He knew a deflection when he saw it. He tried not to show Kuroo how dejected he felt._

_Sawamura felt like he was falling deeper into a pit he shouldn’t have been in to begin with. His hopes were only dashed again and again…every single time…but the further into the pit he sunk, the harder it was to get out._

_“We’ll invite everybody and they can invite anybody they want. It’ll be huge! Lots of girls. I’m going to go make a list of who to email!” Kuroo exclaimed, rising too quickly off the couch after being in such a light-headed situation. Immediately, he dropped back down and grasped his head._

_“Whoa. Careful,” Daichi cautioned, putting a hand casually on Kuroo’s shoulder. “What’s up with you all of the sudden?”_

_Kuroo laughed dryly, trying to be discreet while knocking Daichi’s hand off of him. “Sorry. I stood up too fast…and ya know, sorry about before. I don’t know what that was just now. I wasn’t gonna do anything weird to you or anything.”_

_“It’s fine,” Daichi assured, but Kuroo ignored him completely, only furthering Daichi’s embarrassment._

_“I guess I had too much to drink.” Standing to walk to his bedroom, he added, “I feel a little weird right now. Not sure what my problem is, but I’m gonna call it a day.”_

_“But the movie isn’t—“_

_“Goodnight, Sawamura.” Daichi didn’t know why, but he found himself flinching at the way Kuroo said his name. It was clipped and sounded strained and harsh._

_Wishing Kuroo a hesitant good night in return, Daichi stared confused at the only bottle of beer Kuroo had had all night…the one less than a third empty._

_Kuroo and Daichi seemed to miss each other at every turn throughout the next two weeks, and if they were both home, whenever Daichi knocked on his roommate’s door, it appeared he had quickly fallen asleep. It didn’t take much for Daichi to recognize that he was being avoided intentionally. Things went on like this until the party Kuroo had suggested, and then it was as if nothing had ever been strained between them—Kuroo’s typical pattern after getting a little too intimate with Daichi._

_“Prim! Come here! Come here!” Kuroo shouted over the thumping base of the loud music._

_Kuroo hadn’t been kidding. It was definitely a massive party. Daichi wasn’t even sure how all of these people were squeezed into their small apartment. The music was noisy. The chatter buzzed around the room like an obnoxious insect. Kuroo was on the armchair, surrounded by hot, scantily dressed college girls…and Daichi was well on his way to being drunk._

_He should have just kept chatting with Suga and Asahi. Daichi should have tried to find out where Bokuto had managed to escape to, but then he never seemed to choose the easy way of doing things._

_He knew better than to pay attention to his crush right now. It would only end in more heartache, but Daichi could never resist Kuroo calling out to him. Walking to stand beside the armchair, he cursed himself over his weakness, swigging back the rest of his whiskey._

_“I need to tell you something, dude. Get closer,” Kuroo exclaimed before linking his arm up and around the back of Daichi’s neck until his chin was basically on Kuroo’s shoulder. His breath smelled strongly of beer._

_“Tetsurou!” Daichi exclaimed, trying to struggle free, until Kuroo had turned his head and his lips were brushing across Daichi’s ears._

_Sawamura froze, trying not to demonstrate to the whole room just how Kuroo’s warm breath fanning across his skin undid him._

Fuck you! _he wanted to shout._ Fuck you for acting so casual.

_“Listen, Prim. Come to the bedroom with me, okay?”_

_Daichi’s eyes stung slightly at the corners. They were words he wanted to hear so desperately, but he knew Kuroo didn’t intend them the way Daichi had dreamed for years._

_“No, thanks,” Daichi said, without turning his face, still struggling not to tell Kuroo off in the middle of all of their guests._

_Again, lips moving across his ear, Kuroo whined, “Come on, pal. I don’t think I can handle these girls all at once. Come help me show them a good time.”_

_“I’m not interested in them. Sorry,” he answered coolly._

_Kuroo groaned and grumbled, “Why do you always say that? Are you really so prim and proper that you’re never going to hook up with any of these hot girls at our parties? It’s kind of weird not to be doing that kind of thing at our age, don’t you think?”_

_Daichi turned his head and stared at Kuroo with disbelief._ The fucking idiot. _Shaking his head, he spoke against Kuroo’s ear now, but his voice was flat and cold. “No. Sorry. I’ll never be hooking up with any of the girls at our parties. Besides, these are your parties. You’re the one looking for that kind of fun. Don’t let me stop you.”_

_Tetsurou seemed to tense up as Sawamura spoke so closely to his face. Daichi was certain Kuroo could detect the irritation in his voice._

_Kuroo let go of Daichi’s neck and stared up at him, eyebrows pinched tight, deep frown marring his easy-going, party attitude._

_He complained, “It’s not going to stop me, but do you have to be so uptight about everything? Sex isn’t going to kill you, you know? You don’t have to stay a virgin forever.”_

_“Shut up, jackass! I’m not a virgin!” Daichi exclaimed. His hands flew up in disbelief that Kuroo could honestly think being a virgin could be the only possible reason Daichi wouldn’t want to join him for group sex. Kuroo was truly preposterous at times._

_“Then why—“_

_But Daichi wasn’t in the mood to stand here for this anymore. Before walking away, he closed his eyes in defeat, sighing, “Just go get laid before those girls change their mind, huh?”_

_As he walked off, he didn’t look back and so he didn’t see the puzzled, unhappy face Kuroo was wearing. If he had, he would have thought the boy looked almost dejected._

_Grabbing a fresh beer from the fridge, Daichi caught the giggly group of girls pulling Kuroo out of the chair and towards his room. Sawamura found himself feeling slightly annoyed that Kuroo was still watching him with that pitifully confused look on his face. Daichi couldn’t help but scowl, before taking a swig of his drink. After shaking his head rapidly, as if composing himself, Kuroo seemed to laugh right along with the women._

_With the close of Kuroo’s bedroom door, Daichi slumped in place. This was probably never going to get any better. It was time for Daichi to accept that, despite the confusing mixed signals, Kuroo really wasn’t interested in him that way. Maybe it was time for him to consider moving out._

_Suddenly, he felt someone mere inches from his back. The presence was followed by a voice saying, “You’re never going to get what you want, you know?”_

_Even if he had been thinking the same thing, Daichi didn’t appreciate someone he didn’t know reading him so easily._

_“Excuse me?” Daichi asked, whirling around to look at the intruder on his private sulking._

_He recognized the boy. It was Kenji Futakuchi, an ex-captain of the Date Tech Volleyball Club. He scoffed, before directly asking, “Your roommate? You wanna fuck him, don’t you?”_

_Daichi balked, “Excuse me?! Futakuchi, was it? Who the hell—“_

_He was interrupted as the younger man chided, “Calm down, Karasuno…and I’d prefer if you called me Kenji.” Since Daichi was still gaping like he’d been slapped in the face, Futakuchi sat down his own drink and continued. “I know you’re Sawamura. I know he’s Kuroo. And I know that you want to be with him so bad you can taste it.”_

_Daichi tried his best not to look caught, but he had never been very good at lying or hiding things._

_Kenji must have seen how terrified Daichi suddenly looked, because he added, “I’m not going to tell anyone, but I’ve been to several of your parties with your friend Shouyou. I’ve seen how you interact with your roommate at these things. It’s all over your face and in your body language that you’ve got it bad.”_

_Daichi was rapidly trying to recall seeing Hinata that evening. He was almost certain he wasn’t there. Hinata excelled at making his presence known, after all._

_While he was trying to work out why Futakuchi would be here without Hinata, Kenji said, “Sawamura, I can tell you right now that you’re never going to get what you want from him.”_

_“You don’t know that,” he argued, annoyed at the unwelcome opinion._

_“I do. I get it, okay? You don’t know me…not really, so why should I know anything about you?” That was exactly what Daichi had been thinking, but he didn’t want to show Kenji that, so he stayed quiet while the other man continued. “I don’t need to know you or him to know what I’m talking about here. I don’t even need to know Shouyou that well to get gossip from him; he’s more friends with my pal Aone anyway.”_

_“Then why—“ Daichi began._

_“I’m here because I hit it off with Kuroo last time, and he invited me himself. He’s a cool guy… but I came for a completely different reason, to be honest. Look, what you’re feeling right now? The jealousy over him being in bed with someone that isn’t you? He’s not ever going to feel that about you. Whatever the reason, that roommate of yours doesn’t want to be with guys, and no matter how badly you want to fuck him, I don’t see that changing.”_

_Sawamura was annoyed. This conversation needed to end, but what he actually found annoying was how everything Kenji said was right. He didn’t like feeling this exposed to someone who was basically a stranger._

_Daichi scowled, “How would you even know if I wanted to fuck him or not?”_

_“Because I want to fuck you.”_

_Daichi froze. What else could he do after an admission like that? He suddenly felt like cornered prey, and he had no idea what move to make next that would get him out of the dangerous moment he was hurtling towards._

_He set down his drink on a nearby table, gulping, “’S-scuse me?!”_

_Kenji moved in closely, as Daichi’s eyes darted around the room, looking for anyone to rescue him from his embarrassment. Everyone was much too involved in dancing or drinking or making out in random corners. Nearly everyone there was there because they had been invited by Kuroo. Daichi was nobody for them to pay attention to._

_Giving Daichi a slow, deliberate once over, Kenji leaned down to murmur right into his ear, “I said, I came here because you’re fucking gorgeous and I want you to pound my ass, Sawamura.”_

_He was thankful he’d set down his drink, because it would most definitely have been on the floor, otherwise. Flustered beyond belief, he still managed to grip the taller man by the wrist and drag him forcefully to his room. Once the door was closed, Daichi pinned him there, grabbing a fistful of Kenji’s shirt and dragging him down to eye level._

_“What kind of game are you playing here?” Daichi growled_

_Kenji held up his hands in mock surrender, his face wearing an irritating smirk. “No game. Not unless you’re into that sort of thing.”_

_Daichi wanted to continue looking angry, but he couldn’t help rolling his eyes over the cheesy lines the guy was dropping._

_“Look,” Kenji started confidently. “I’ve been watching you for a while. The only reason I came tonight is because you’re not only hot as hell, but you seem like a genuinely good guy. I’m tired of watching you pine away for that roommate of yours, when someone who is actually interested in you is right under your nose.”_

_Scoffing, Daichi asked, “And…that’s you, is it? The ‘someone’ interested in me?”_

_“It is,” Kenji answered matter-of-factly, tilting Daichi’s face up until it was only a breath away from his own._

_Daichi felt a thick lump in his throat as his eyes rapidly scanned Kenji’s face. He was very attractive, obnoxiously confident, and the look he was giving Daichi was so lustful it almost hurt. Daichi couldn’t remember the last time someone had come on to him. He knew no one had never been as shameless as this. That alone ignited something in him that had been longing to be noticed._

_After several silent seconds of Daichi trying to think of a legitimate reason not to do this, Kenji huskily whispered, “Why not let me make your night, Sawamura?”_

_“Call me Daichi,” had barely passed his lips before he was pressing them into Kenji’s irritating smirk, effectively wiping it off when Kenji hummed gratefully into the kiss._

_It felt good to be so wanted. It felt good not to wonder if he was misreading a situation. It felt good just to be touched and tasted and needed._

_Futakuchi did things Daichi had never experienced, and Daichi, in turn, had Kenji cumming hard after only using his mouth. By the time Daichi had on his condom and was thrusting into the slightly younger man, he was having a hard time holding back. He looked around the room for something to distract him, to keep from cumming much too soon, but the photograph he chose to fixate on didn’t offer Daichi much help._

_Daichi tangled one hand into the coarse, disheveled black hair he was so familiar…_ No. Concentrate _...into the soft, smooth, brown hair and pulled Kenji up to bite lightly against his neck._

_Gripping his fingers into Kenji’s defined shoulders, Daichi began thrusting harder, faster and Kenji began to moan loudly._

_Daichi was glad for the loud, thumping music of the party, and he let his own groan tear forth._

_“Fuck me, Daichi. Fuck me. God, you feel so good,” Kenji cooed. “I’m gonna cum again.”_

_Sawamura’s eyes were glazing over and he was concentrating hard on the scarred back that his hands were…_ Fuck. Focus, Douchebag _…on the milky, smooth back that his hands were running eagerly up and down._

_“Yes! Yes! Daichi, yes!” and Kenji was cumming and pulsing and squeezing hard against Daichi’s cock._

_It was too much and he lost himself to the bliss. “Fuck,” he groaned. “Fuck yes, K-Kuroo!”_

_Kenji froze. He froze, as well, except for the involuntary emptying of his cock into Futakuchi’s ass. He was mortified. He was ashamed. He felt like a horrible human being._

_When he slid out, Daichi stood beside his own bed, not sure what to do or what to say. After silently tossing the condom, he sat down next to Kenji, slowly. There were a few moments of staring at his knees, before swiping both hands back and forth roughly over his hair, with a loud frustrated groan to signal his regret._

_“Kenji, I’m—“_

_“Don’t,” Futakuchi ordered abruptly. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to hear any stupid apology.”_

_Silence filled the bedroom, awkward and stifling. Daichi needed to apologize. It was killing him to hold it inside. He hadn’t meant to picture Kuroo. Kenji was fine. Kenji had been exceptional…and Daichi had ruined it._

_As if he could read the rapid thoughts flying through Daichi’s mind, Kenji said, “It was fine. Fuck, it was damn near perfect, other than—“_

_“Ugh,” Daichi groaned. He wanted to drown himself in whatever sink he could get to first._

_After several agonizingly long seconds, Kenji admitted, “You were really good. Honestly.”_

_Daichi rolled his eyes. Not at Futakuchi, but at himself, and at the fact that Kenji was the one trying to reassure him, even though Daichi was the one that had fucked things up. Not able to obey Kenji’s request, Daichi muttered, “I’m sorry, really.”_

_Kenji sat up to the edge of the bed, shaking his head. “I said not to do that. I’m a grown up here, Daichi. I get it. I cornered you, after all.”_

_“No! I mean, you did…but it was…good. It was better than good. It was incredible and sexy and I didn’t even know how badly I needed something like that,” Daichi emphatically explained._

_“I wouldn’t mind doing it again. I wouldn’t mind maybe…seeing if we might lead somewhere…if you wanted.” Kenji was biting the corner of his lip, a gesture Daichi found absurdly cute. It was unfair for him to be so forgiving._

_“How can you say that?! I just embarrassed both of us! I wouldn’t blame you if you hit me and stormed out,” Daichi offered._

_Kenji laughed at that, scooting closer to Daichi on the bed so that their shoulders touched. “See? The fact that you’re this worried about it…you’re a good guy. It’s cute.”_

_Daichi grumbled over the compliment, feeling like he was most certainly undeserving._

_Futakuchi put a hand on Daichi’s face, forcing him to look up. “You always look so heartbroken. I really think I could make you happy, Daichi. I’m a decent guy. Why not give me a try for a while? It has to be better than pining for someone who will never be into you.”_

_Daichi didn’t know what to say to the proposal. He certainly hadn’t expected it, and Kenji_ did _seem like a decent guy. Truth be told, though, Daichi was more concerned about the fact that he apparently looked as dejected as he felt at these parties Kuroo always threw._

_“Let me have a few days to think it over.” This was all moving way too fast and he didn’t want to make a hasty decision based on Kenji’s sexy come on and fantastic sex alone. That wouldn’t have been fair to him at all._

_“Sure. Of course,” Kenji agreed. He stayed a while longer before deciding to head out before things got even more awkward._

_After the party, Daichi weighed the pros and cons endlessly. He thought about Kenji’s offer almost nonstop. He was certainly attractive. He was nice and forgiving. He was confident. Most importantly, he wanted Daichi…really wanted him._

_The only major con was that he was_ not _Tetsurou Kuroo._

_In the end, Daichi couldn’t go out with Kenji, even though he was certain he’d been right. It had to be better than pining for Kuroo. It had to be. But Daichi didn’t know how to turn that part of him off, and he was too honorable to put Futakuchi through that trouble._

_He spent quite some time sulking after the fact, kind of hating himself for being such an asshole to such a decent guy because of someone that might not ever even want Daichi. He felt pathetic. He felt like a coward._

_After a month had passed since he and Kenji had last hooked up, with Daichi brooding mostly to himself, he came home to find Kuroo in the kitchen preparing all of Daichi’s favorites for dinner. Kuroo immediately looked up from his cooking when Daichi came through the door, with that grin that was always able to draw Daichi back in for anything._

_Kuroo enthusiastically called, “Hey, man! I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever. I thought I’d make dinner and we could marathon the “Godfather” flicks all night.”_

_Daichi snorted a laugh, as he muttered, “Ambitious.”_

_“We’ve done it before.”_

_“True,” Sawamura conceded, “but let’s do something with more explosions.”_

_“Then let’s do the Jason Bourne movies.”_

_Daichi had kind of a crush on Matt Damon in those films and Kuroo was always talking about how masculine and cool Bourne was, so it was a no brainer, really. Daichi said, “You’re on. Let me hop in the shower while you finish up here.”_

_It was a good night, even if did feel a little awkward for Daichi trying to get back into a good rhythm with Kuroo. The two of them joked around at the table while they ate their dinner. Daichi cleaned up and made a bag of popcorn for them to share. Kuroo looked ridiculously happy until Daichi sat of the floor._

_“What are you doing?”_

_“It’s comfortable here. This way I won’t bother you or anything,” Daichi said, placing the popcorn bowl between them._

_Kuroo frowned, adding, “Don’t be stupid. It bothers me when you avoid me like you have been.”_

_Daichi didn’t mean to look caught, but evidently the expression was clear on his face._

_“I knew it!” Kuroo shouted. “I’m sorry if I did something that made you mad at me, but can’t you just ignore whatever dumb thing it was like you usually do? I miss hanging out like this, Prim.” He held his hands out to help pull Daichi up onto the couch, sticking his lower lip out into an absurd melodramatic pout._

_Daichi snorted at Kuroo’s nonsense, before he relented and climbed right back to the spot that was so familiar…so comfortable…so stupid. The spot that would get his hopes up time and again. The spot he could never relinquish._

I missed you, too, _Daichi thought, popping a bite of popcorn in his mouth._

~ ~ ~ ~

That evening after the doctor’s appointment, after making sure Daichi’s mother had everything she needed to be settled in for the night, Kuroo and Daichi prepared to go out to the bar.

Kuroo treated it like he was going on any other date, wanting to make sure he gave it the full shot. He showered, shaved, put on cologne and wore some nice, dark wash jeans with a fitted charcoal-colored dress shirt. Kuroo was feeling nervous, but not about what he had anticipated. He was actually worried about if he looked alright to go out with Daichi.

Realizing that, Kuroo rolled his eyes at himself.

He had been on dates numerous times and had never concerned himself with this type of thing before. It wasn’t even as if Kuroo had never been out with Daichi. True, it had never before carried the title of “date,” but surely just the word alone couldn’t make things much different…

But, oh, it did.

When Kuroo came out into the living room, Daichi was leaning against the backside of the sofa with his eyes closed, arms crossed over his chest. Immediately, Kuroo felt as giddy as he had when he was a 17 year old, falling for Daichi the first time. The magnitude of being about to leave on a date with the first real crush Kuroo had ever had was not lost on him. It could have happened so many years ago now. It _should_ have happened so many times since, but now that it really was happening, Kuroo felt almost frightened by his manic nerves.

Daichi must have felt Kuroo’s eyes on him, because he stood and turned to face his date. “Ready?” he asked.

Kuroo found he suddenly couldn’t speak. Daichi’s thighs were clearly outlined in his slacks, and the solid t-shirt he was wearing clung spectacularly to the muscles of his chest, while making his arms look even more defined than usual. Daichi grabbed a brown leather jacket off the back of the couch and slipped it on, completing the look and destroying Kuroo’s ability to think for a moment.

“We don’t have to do this, Tetsu. We can always change our minds and stay here again,” Daichi offered, probably worried about Kuroo standing stock still and gaping like a fish out of water.

“No,” Kuroo started hoarsely, clearing his throat to better be heard. “No. Let’s go out. I want to go out,” he admitted, stepping closer. Running a hand over the smooth, soft leather, Kuroo added, “with you. I want to go out with you…on a date.”

Daichi chuckled softly. “You don’t have to be so serious about it, Tetsu. Come on. I’ve called a cab to come pick us up.”

 _Tell him how good he looks,_ thought Kuroo, but his mouth refused to cooperate. At least, his feet did manage to follow Daichi out to wait at the street corner for their ride.

Smiling at Kuroo like he’d won the lottery, Daichi said, “You look nice, by the way.” He grabbed Kuroo’s hand in his and lifted the back of it to press his lips against. “Smell nice, too,” he sighed.

“You, too!” Kuroo exclaimed much too eagerly. “Look nice, I mean. You look, uh, hot…I guess. Really hot.”

Kuroo put the fingers of his free hand to the bridge of his nose, pinching with embarrassment. Daichi laughed again, tightening his hold on Kuroo.

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo said. “I don’t know if I’ll be this awkward all night. I’d offer a trade-in for a better match than me, but I—“

“I don’t want to go with someone else,” Daichi interrupted.

“—but I don’t want anyone else to have you tonight…I was going to say.” Kuroo couldn’t stop staring. It was nerve-wracking, to be sure, but it was also a deeply suppressed dream of his come true. Sawamura was completely his for the evening—and not as best friends. Sawamura was his as two men sharing a date out in public, holding hands, waiting for their ride together, coming home together afterwards…and Daichi didn’t seem the least bit afraid of it ending in shame or pain or worse. So, for the night, Kuroo wasn’t afraid of those things either.

Without saying anything, Daichi just studied Kuroo’s face. Kuroo felt as if Daichi was trying to commit every detail to memory, and his heart flip-flopped in his chest over the thought. When the cab approached, he dropped Kuroo’s hand to wave the vehicle over and tell them they had been the ones to call.

Riding silently in the cab, Kuroo tried to think of what to say next that wouldn’t make him sound like a moron.

“’You sure you’re all right with this?” Daichi questioned, staring at Kuroo’s wringing hands.

Kuroo nodded. “I’m sure,” he croaked, but then he grabbed Daichi’s hand in his and felt more confident when he asserted again, “I’m sure.”

Kuroo couldn’t help but glance at the cab driver, but saw no reaction, which he found relieving. The two of them joked like normal on the ride and were both in high spirits when they arrived at the bar. Daichi introduced Kuroo to some of the regulars, and they picked a table near the live band so they could enjoy the music.

Kuroo stared over the edge of his frosty mug at Daichi. He looked amazing in this environment. Kuroo couldn’t deny that. Daichi seemed truly comfortable and happy. The smile on his face reached up to his eyes, which seemed to shine, even in the dim bar lighting.

The whole scene almost allowed Kuroo to forget about the past…to forget what being at a place like this would mean if his father found out…or what simply holding Daichi’s hand in the cab ride would mean. Kuroo shivered the thought away and reached out to grasp Daichi’s hand. This wasn’t the time to focus on the hate. This was his night with Daichi and he wanted to make the best of it.

As his fingers neared Daichi’s though, a voice called, “Dai-chan! That can’t be you, can it?”

“Yuji!” Daichi exclaimed without even needing to turn around to confirm who the voice belonged to.

Daichi stood abruptly as the man with a blond undercut came around to face him. The two embraced and then “Yuji” went in for a hell of a kiss.

Kuroo sat frozen, eyes wide as saucers. The kiss was so involved, Kuroo was certain that he had spotted a tongue ring. Suddenly, he felt sick. He didn’t even remember to feel nervous that people might be watching, though nobody was.

Daichi pushed back on the new man’s shoulders, exclaiming, “Whoa, now!” He laughed awkwardly and nodded toward Kuroo. “I’m here with someone. I thought we agreed, Yu. Don’t come on to me every time we see each other, huh?”

Yuji hummed with interest at Kuroo, grabbing the chair opposite him and spinning it around to sit, arms crossed over the back. Daichi scoffed slightly, seeming both surprised and not surprised over the attractive guy’s sheer audacity. He glanced at Kuroo, hint of worry in his eye, but all Kuroo could do was shrug. He hadn’t a clue what was happening.

Pointing at Mr. Tongue Ring, Daichi said, “This is Yuji Terushima, my ex-boyfriend.” The nomenclature caused a vice-like squeezing around the entirety of Kuroo’s organs, and his pulse jumped into anxious overdrive.

Terushima hopped up enough to reach across the table to shake hands but halted briefly when Daichi said, “Yuji this Tetsurou Kuroo.” Terushima’s head snapped towards Daichi, who suddenly looked rather uncomfortable. Kuroo thought he saw astonishment and something like resentment flash across Terushima’s face. Slowly, he clasped Kuroo’s hand and shook much too tightly.

“ _This_ is Kuroo?” he asked, eyeing Kuroo rather dangerously. Kuroo had met plenty of guys like this in the past, but it was a bit unsettling how aggressive a vibe he was getting off this man he had never even heard of.

When Daichi nodded, Terushima chuckled softly, but it wasn’t a laugh that sounded pleasant. Narrowing his eyes at Kuroo, he said, “Really?” He smiled wickedly and shook his head.

Once Daichi sat back down between the two other men, they all began talking. Terushima seemed okay, except for the fact that he kept eyeing Kuroo with a certain sort of amusement…or perhaps it was loathing. He seemed well-practiced in toeing that line and making one wonder. Kuroo found it maddening, but he dare not say anything that would cause a scene.

In very little time, Kuroo had figured out the Terushima was the ex Daichi had told him about—the serious one that had been with him for 10 months, that had lived with him and shared his bed…the one that had dumped Daichi because he was too in love with Kuroo.

Gulping, Kuroo wasn’t surprised at Terushima’s threatening demeanor. Of course he would dislike Kuroo right off the bat. The man in front of him stole away his happiness without even trying, and now to rub salt into the wound, here Kuroo was, out with the very man Terushima had loved.

Kuroo was overly jovial, trying to make up for the tension, but it seemed to backfire when Daichi thought the two of them seemed to be getting along well enough for him to head off to the bathroom and leave them alone.

Kuroo wasn’t even surprised that Terushima took an immediate turn for the nasty once Daichi was out of earshot.

“So you’re the prick Dai-chan loved more than me. Can’t say I see what the big deal is, to be honest. You seem kind of like an idiot,” he taunted.

Kuroo didn’t want to get dragged into this game. He could only respond by saying, “Sorry. It’s not like I was trying to break you guys up or anything.”

Terushima laughed, clicking his tongue ring against his teeth, before lowly growling, “Yeah, that makes it feel much better. How noble of you to apologize. I’m sure you’re just a fine gentleman, all caught up in this by accident. Never did anything to lead him on, I’m sure. You’re supposed to be straight, right? You just _happen_ to be here with him, at a gay bar, on some joke-ass excuse for a date.”

Even though he knew it was what Terushima was aiming for, he couldn’t seem to avoid the sudden possessiveness and anger welling up inside him. With that mocking tone of Terushima’s most certainly working to get Kuroo riled up, he blurted, “I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but that kind of shit doesn’t work on me, dude. I’m the damn master of provocation, so chill the hell out before you regret it.”

 _God,_ he hated himself for sounding like such a moron right now.

“I can see you’re a man who’s difficult to provoke,” Terushima laughed at Kuroo’s obvious flustered state before taking a sip off of Daichi’s beer.

Kuroo growled, “Could you not be so mother fucking irritating?”

Putting his hands up and offering a very over exaggerated scornful face, Terushima teased, “Ooh. Scary. No wonder Dai-chan likes you.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “He can’t possibly like that nickname.” Even as he said it, Kuroo knew he was one to talk, as the word “Prim” danced around in his brain.

Smiling a hateful smile that made Kuroo shift in his seat uncomfortably, Terushima lit a cigarette and took a long drag, before blowing the smoke slowly into Kuroo’s face.

“Mm. He liked it well enough when he was slamming that thick cock of his in my ass.”

Kuroo choked on the outright bluntness of this man, but Terushima continued on like it was nothing. He looked off into space, like he was imagining something particularly sordid, before dreamily sighing himself back to reality.

Terushima reminisced, “He’ll practically let anything slide once he’s been inside you. Dai-chan was always such a softie after he treated me like his woman, but then you’ll know all about that by now, I’m sure.”

Kuroo was trying not to act like the smoke or the confession bothered him, hoping Terushima had missed the involuntary wrinkle of Kuroo’s nose over the phrase ‘treated like a woman.’ Terushima had definitely not missed it.

“Of course, I know,” Kuroo said a bit too hastily.

Terushima’s eyes widened with realization, though Kuroo couldn’t shake the feeling that Terushima was overplaying the whole thing—couldn’t shake it. Couldn’t pretend that that mattered. Overplaying it or not, he was embarrassing Tetsurou…and pissing him off.

“Oh my god. You _didn’t_ know! You two haven’t fucked yet! Come on, dude. What did you—surely you didn’t think a man like Daichi would take it?” He exhaled another cloud of smoke into Kuroo’s face before cackling loudly.

“Who cares if I did? I’ll just change my expectation. No, big deal,” Kuroo said, proud of himself for being able to change gears so quickly.

Terushima, however, was not impressed. He was pissed. He seemed furious that his taunting wasn’t affecting Kuroo more. His face changed from sarcastic to just plain contemptuous, as he pointed his cigarette at Kuroo.

“Look. I don’t know what your game is here, but Daichi’s a good man.”

“He’s a fucking great man,” Kuroo interrupted, growing more annoyed by Terushima by the second.

“That’s right! He is. _You_ don’t deserve him…everything he’s put on hold for your ungrateful ass? You don’t deserve Daichi, at all,” he asserted with a sneer.

“Listen—“ Kuroo tried, but was immediately cut off.

“No, you listen! You can’t give him what he wants and you know it. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing here, but you’ve had your fun. Fuck him, and end your little experimentation period, if that’s what it takes, but after you’ve fucked him…you leave him the hell alone.”

Kuroo sighed. As obnoxious as Terushima was being, he really did feel badly for him. “I get that you want to look out for him—“

“No you don’t. You _don’t_ get it. I loved him! I fucking loved him and tried my damnedest to make him happy, but he was too stuck on you! I wanted more time. I wanted to stay with him longer,” his voice was growing less aggressive and loud by the moment.

“I thought you dumped him,” Kuroo tried to interject.

“Yeah. I did. I dumped him after four perfect months. He promised me he was done. He promised me he’d really given up on you. He got a new number. He said he wanted to make it work with me, and I believed it.” Terushima had gone completely from firm, angry rant to shaky, broken confession.

Kuroo knew what was coming. He knew, and he suddenly hated himself even more than he already did. He knew those four months Terushima was talking about.

At first, Kuroo hadn’t noticed how much time had passed since he had last talked to Daichi. It was right around the time Kuroo’s parents had come back into his life and he was overwhelmed. Around the seven week mark, though, he tried to call Daichi only to find his number disconnected. Kuroo thought it was odd that his friend hadn’t shared that information, but he was certain Daichi would call with the number when he had the time.

At nine weeks, when he still hadn’t heard from Daichi, he asked Kenma what he thought. Kenma suggested maybe Daichi was seeing someone and didn’t have as much time to spend with friends. He also suggested that maybe it was time for Kuroo to let Daichi grow up and move on...that it was normal for friends to grow apart and maybe now was a good time for him to really try getting over Daichi.

Even though it initially angered him that Kenma would even suggest he still had feelings for Daichi, Kuroo tried. He tried to not need him so much. He had made it seven more weeks of dealing with his parents with only Kenma to confide in, telling himself that Daichi wasn’t much of a friend anyway if he didn’t want to talk to him anymore, and going in circles about how Sawamura’s girlfriend must be really clingy not to let him have any friends. He lied and told himself it was no big deal, until he had actually agreed to go to his childhood home to spend time with his parents.

His dad had been nothing short of repulsive and Kuroo felt the anxiety building into panic. He really felt like if he couldn’t get in contact with Daichi, he would do something really stupid. Daichi was always able to talk him down, even when he didn’t know that’s what he had been doing.

First Kuroo called Suga, but Suga was reluctant for some reason to give Kuroo the number. Even when it made Kuroo panic more, Suga still asserted that he would need to ask Daichi if it was okay first. Once Kuroo realized Daichi had actually been avoiding him intentionally, he really began to panic.

He thought if he could get the number from anyone, it was going to be Hinata, so Kuroo called him and begged for the number. Even Hinata seemed to hesitate, but in the end, he gave Daichi’s new number to Kuroo. Just before they hung up, Hinata said, “You shouldn’t call him after 6:00 pm.”

“What? Why—“ Kuroo had started to ask, but Hinata interrupted with, “Just don’t!” before hanging up the call.

It was a strange request, but Hinata had been so adamant, that Kuroo honored it anyway. When Kuroo called Daichi the next day, it was around 4:00 in the afternoon. At first, Daichi had seemed slightly uncomfortable and nervous, but when Kuroo anxiously asked if Daichi was angry with him about something, voice catching obviously, Daichi replied, “No. No, of course not. You know I’m here for you. Now, tell me what’s happened.”

Now, Terushima explained to Kuroo that he had come home one evening with Daichi confessing to having talked to Kuroo, and when Terushima asked, “But it was like a one-time thing, right?” his boyfriend had lowered his eyes to the floor and shook his head.

Terushima confessed to Kuroo that he had flown off the handle and berated Daichi _and_ Kuroo and even himself, but that through all of that, Daichi stood sure of what he wanted. He apologized for putting Yuji through the mess of it all, but admitted that he didn’t know if he would ever be able to get over his feelings for Kuroo.

Kuroo felt terrible that he was the cause of Daichi dealing with that situation, but he wasn’t going to tolerate Terushima trying to mess things up now.

“It isn’t fair. You’re just some asshole who doesn’t even want to be with guys. Why are you even doing this? I can give him what he wants,” Terushima complained, forehead resting against his fist, cigarette hanging limply from his lip.

Kuroo sighed. “Now it’s your turn to listen. I didn’t know. That’s no one’s fault but my own. I know I was a dumbass there, but I _do_ know now and I promise this isn’t me just wanting to experiment. I’m taking this seriously. No one in my life has ever been more important than Daichi, even when I didn’t want to admit that I wanted him romantically.”

Terushima looked up, frown on his lips, but at least he was finally paying attention to what Kuroo was saying.

“And not to sound harsh…actually, yeah…kind of to sound harsh because I’m feeling particularly petty after all that—if you could give Daichi what he wanted, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, would we? So stop whining about what you could have had, and go find someone who appreciates everything you can give him!”

Kuroo stood from the table and placed a wad of cash down to cover all the drinks. He should have left it at that, but something ugly was gnawing at his insides, coaxing him to say something more.

Turning around once more, he said, “And I don’t have the right to say this, but I’m going to anyway. The next time you see Daichi out on a date and you hang all over him, flirting like the two of you are alone, shoving your tongue down his throat like you were invited…I’ll punch you in the damn jaw.”

He left Terushima sitting there looking stunned. Kuroo didn’t wait for Terushima to point out that he had basically just claimed it would be Kuroo out on a date with Daichi no matter when Terushima happened to see him again. Kuroo was not feeling very proud of himself and was eager to get out of the heat of the bar.

Whatever was gnawing at him was urging him to hurry and get to Daichi, who he found carrying three drinks back towards their table. Kuroo grabbed the drinks and stuck them randomly on an empty section of bar, before gripping Daichi’s hand and dragging him back past the bathrooms and out into the darkened alley.

“What are you doing?” Daichi puzzled when Kuroo turned him around and shoved him up against the brick wall of the bar.

Desire to confirm that Daichi wanted to be here with Kuroo and _not_ Terushima overtook him, and Kuroo’s tongue was soon driving into Daichi’s mouth. He was sure Daichi could feel him trembling with anxiety. He was certain Daichi could feel the frantic need Kuroo had to have the two of them connect…and there was no way Daichi didn’t feel the quiver of Kuroo’s fingers as they rested on either side of Daichi’s jaw.

“Hey,” Daichi interrupted, pushing Kuroo back just slightly, “ _what_ are you doing?”

“I kind of hate that guy,” Kuroo confessed.

Daichi’s face looked briefly amused, but his smirk quickly vanished as he seriously asked, “Why? What did he do?”

Kuroo searched Daichi’s face for a sign that he should leave. He half expected the appearance of Terushima to have caused Daichi doubts about Kuroo’s sincerity, but Kuroo saw none. It wasn’t fair. What he had put Daichi through since they had been teens—it wasn’t fair, but still…here he was. Overwhelmed, Kuroo leaned down to put their foreheads together.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Daichi,” Kuroo apologized, wrapping his arms tightly around Daichi’s waist.

“Hey. For what? What did he _say_ , Tetsu?” Daichi wondered, managing to pull his arms out from Kuroo’s tight squeeze, and drape them over Kuroo’s shoulders.

“I’m so stupid. I ruined that for you and I didn’t even know, like a damn idiot. I’m sorry.” It all came out in a stream, as if they were just one long word.

“What?” Daichi questioned, still looking confused as ever, with concern creeping its way onto his features.

Kuroo explained animatedly about what Terushima had confessed and about how he knew it was his fault and how he was so embarrassed to have done this to Daichi and that he wouldn’t blame Daichi if he wanted to go back in there with his ex and let Kuroo find his own way home.

“Oh,” Daichi stated.

Kuroo flung his hands in the air. “How can you say ‘Oh’ just like that? What about everything—“

“Tetsurou, stop…just for a minute,” Sawamura encouraged.

Daichi looped his arms back around Kuroo’s shoulders, raising up slowly to press their lips gently together. Terushima was absolutely right. Kuroo didn’t deserve Daichi…didn’t deserve the achingly slow way his full lips moved over Kuroo’s or how his tongue licked into Kuroo’s mouth in ways that somehow made him feel numb and on fire within, at the same time.

He definitely didn’t deserve for those brilliant, wide brown eyes to open with that slow blink as the two of them pulled apart, only to stare into Kuroo with such fondness.

Exhaling slowly, trying to get his thoughts back in order, Kuroo asked, “What did you see in him in the first place? He doesn’t really seem like your type.”

“Are you jealous?” Daichi smirked.

Without missing a beat, Kuroo admitted, “Yeah. I am. I am jealous. I’m so fucking jealous I could break something. I mean, what should it matter, right? After the girls I’ve paraded in front of you without a second thought, you should hit me for getting jealous. I have no right to feel this way.”

“You really don’t,” Daichi mused, with a low chuckle.

“Then why do I? Why do I want to walk back in there and slug him in the mouth before I drag you someplace and put my mark all over your body? What the hell is this?”

“You tell me, Tetsurou.”

 _You’re mine,_ he wanted to shout. _You should be with only me. Always._

He should have said it, but he didn’t. It was too risky…too soon. Instead, Kuroo stood for much too long, staring at Daichi with ragged breath, hoping the flame of jealousy wouldn’t grow out of control. It wasn’t working. He was already struggling not to attack Daichi again with his lips.

Daichi grinned, and yanked Kuroo down by his shirt, kissing him and giving him the attention he wanted. “Let’s just go home, okay? We don’t have to stay here. Why don’t you let me make your night, Tetsurou?”

Kuroo shuddered with anticipation. God, he was dying to have sex with Daichi by now. Suddenly remembering something else Terushima had said, his insides clenched with nervousness once again. He muttered, “Daichi…I’ll do my best.”

“Huh?” Sawamura looked genuinely lost by the statement.

How was he supposed to say this? It was best to be honest, he assumed, so completely mortified, Kuroo revealed, “I had a picture in mind of what sex with you might be, and I didn’t think to ask…but it’s fine. If it’s with you, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Daichi still looked completely surprised. Why wouldn’t he, when just this afternoon Kuroo had seemed extremely gung ho about the two of them having sex. “What is this all of the sudden? You look like you’re about to pass out. What else did Terushima tell you?”

“He said you like to be the…I-I don’t know what to…he said you like to be the ‘man’…which is fine! I guess. I mean, I don’t know if I ca—” he was so embarrassed, he wanted to die.

“That little shit,” Daichi muttered with an amused shake of his head. “Tetsu, Yuji’s a side.”

“A what?”

Daichi grinned, and placed a hand on Kuroo’s chest, offering reassurance…and a hint that he was highly entertained at the moment. “A side. It means he doesn’t engage in anal sex—just…other…stuff. He was just fucking with you. What does that even…” he had to pause from laughing too hard. “Be the man? Come on, Tetsurou. How do you think this works? One of us isn’t ‘the woman!’ We’re both men!”

Kuroo was even more embarrassed that he had let Terushima get into his head over this. He had never considered one of them would have to ‘play’ at being the girl before that asshole had said something. He wanted to fuck Daichi so badly _because_ of his masculinity… _because_ of his rough hands and hard, thick thighs, his square jaw and his insanely sultry, deep voice. He wanted Daichi because he had a perfect ass and an even more perfect cock.

Thinking about it in so much detail was quickly becoming unbearable in the alley. He shifted himself uneasily in his pants.

Daichi put a hand on his cheek and said, “You know me, Tet. What do you think I would prefer in the bedroom anyway?”

Feeling more relieved than he imagined he would, Kuroo answered, “Whatever makes your partner happiest?”

“Mm.”

That little hum of assent was all the warning Daichi gave before he was kissing Kuroo forcefully again. He drove Kuroo backwards until he was the one backed against the opposite building. The eagerness in Daichi’s kiss, the relief Kuroo was feeling, the need to claim Daichi for his own—all of it led quickly to a most uncomfortable erection there in the alley. When Daichi palmed him, he groaned against Kuroo’s lips, pulling his hand down to let him feel that Daichi was in the exact same condition.

Daichi suddenly pulled Kuroo back around to the front of the building where lines of cabs where waiting for the drunk patrons to stumble out needing rides.

Basically falling into the backseat of one of the cabs and dragging Kuroo in after him, he licked his lips enticingly, giving Kuroo a thorough once over, and said, “Let’s go back to my place, and I’ll show you, hm?”

 

 

**_To Be Continued…_ **


	7. Don't Want To Wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things finally go all the way for Kuroo and Daichi, and Kuroo feels like he's in heaven, like he's really found love...until he's reminded that something horrible still waits for him back at home.

**CHAPTER SIX: Don’t Want to Quit**

In the cab ride home, Daichi was terribly conflicted, struggling with something he had never before needed to worry about. He had always strived to be polite and courteous of those around him, but Kuroo was making it extremely difficult not to give in and completely ignore the comfort of their driver.

It was likely the man didn’t even care. He would have known what kind of clientele left that particular bar. He would know they were often drunk and looking to hook up. Several times, it was exactly how Daichi himself had left that bar, but even in the company of some of Sendai’s sexiest men, he would still patiently restrain himself until they were alone at their destination. It wouldn’t be proper to just make out in the back of someone’s cab without any warning at all. He knew it would certainly make _him_ uncomfortable, if he were in the driver’s shoes.

But when Kuroo leaned over to whisper provokingly, hot air sighed across Daichi’s ear, “I thought you were going to show me something,” all niceties were thrown to the curb.

If Kuroo really wanted this, Daichi wasn’t about to disappoint, not now…not after all this time. Kuroo hummed low in his throat as Daichi gripped his hair and forced their lips together—so low that Daichi could feel it resonate through his lips and over his tongue as he slid it aggressively into Kuroo’s mouth.

Kuroo’s hands were suddenly everywhere and it took Daichi more than a little by surprise. With the way he had been acting until now, Daichi hadn’t expected that Kuroo would ever want to show this side of his sexuality around other people, but he seemed completely unconcerned with the cab driver at the moment…and he hadn’t been kidding about Yuji leaving him with the urge to mark Daichi’s body.

Big hands with long slender fingers gripped firmly at Daichi’s thighs, before one slipped up to pull their lips apart by the scruff of Daichi’s neck. An animalistic growl was the only warning he had before Kuroo sunk his teeth into the flesh of Daichi’s neck, sucking hard enough to bruise. Writhing beneath the pleasure, Daichi’s hands mirrored Kuroo’s, grasping thigh and hair, as well.

When Kuroo was satisfied that Daichi would mark, his bite turned to slow, languid laps from his tongue, meant to soothe the sore flesh before he quickly moved on to the opposite side to bruise into Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi shuddered from the sensation, unable to do much but squirm.

He was falling apart already. So many moments with Kuroo he had all but given up on ever seeing were all happening so quickly. If it was just a dream, Daichi never wanted to wake up. When Kuroo sucked hard at the base of Daichi throat and the sharp sting turned to aching pleasure, Daichi knew he wasn’t asleep.

Turning the tables so he was again in control, Daichi shoved Kuroo so his back was against the window and straddled his lap. He kept his hips agonizingly close to touching without actually settling his weight to give Kuroo the pressure he desperately wanted—that they _both_ desperately wanted. Sucking on Kuroo’s earlobes before blowing cool air across them was enough to have Kuroo gasping and trying unsuccessfully to make their hips meet.

It was cute how much he wanted it. It was sexy as hell. Daichi _loved_ the fact that Kuroo needed so much from him already, but Daichi wanted him more desperate, more feverish.

The rest of the cab ride was spent with Daichi teasing Kuroo into a frenzied mess, until he was dying to destroy Daichi with rough thrusts of his cock, and Daichi could hardly breathe as he pictured it. As the two of them stumbled, drunk on desire, out of the cab, Daichi pulled a wad of way too much cash from his wallet…to both apologize to the cabbie and thank him for not saying a word about his inappropriate fare.

Up the walk to his house, Kuroo shoved Daichi against the front door before Daichi had even managed to fish his keys from his pocket, grinding aggressively against his strained erection.

Exhaling loudly, Daichi moaned, “ _Fuck_! Just a second, Tetsu. We’re almost there. Just a sec.”

Kuroo ground against Daichi again, hands squeezing at Daichi’s tight ass to pull him firmly against the friction. “I don’t have a second,” Kuroo proclaimed, before plunging his tongue into Daichi’s mouth and lifting Daichi against the door to rut against him a third, fourth, fifth time.

Daichi was so light-headed he didn’t even notice that Kuroo had managed to get the key out and door opened, until they were on the other side and Kuroo was struggling to stay upright to get them both to the bedroom, while Daichi stripped his leather jacket and t-shirt off on the trip down the hall.

Kuroo took them into the guest bedroom, further away from Daichi’s mother’s room. They both knew better than to be too loud tonight.

Depositing Daichi on his back on the bed, Kuroo quietly shut the door and flipped open the first button of his gray dress shirt. Daichi scrambled from the bed, stopping Kuroo’s hand in its tracks. He wasn’t about to miss the opportunity to enjoy every moment of this first time with Kuroo.

Turning his eyes up to meet Kuroo’s heavy-lidded golds, Daichi smiled his smile that made Kuroo’s lips quiver visibly. Kuroo was too beautiful. He was too beautiful and, at least for tonight, Kuroo was all his.

Daichi snatched open the next button. He followed the moment with his mouth, kissing and licking a heated trail down Kuroo’s chest and waist behind each undone button. He continued the slick line he was making until he was at the edge of Kuroo’s jeans, enjoying the wriggling of his body as Kuroo tried to press himself even closer to sensation.

Standing slowly, Daichi slipped his hands between fabric and skin to run up the warm, taught flesh of Kuroo’s back. Daichi paid close attention to the feel of his hands over every dip and curve of muscle, until he was pushing the sleeves down Kuroo’s shoulders, letting the shirt pool lazily on the floor.

Kuroo held onto Daichi’s wrists, looking him up and down with a passion that made Daichi weak in the knees, but Daichi stood firm, returning an intense stare of his own. Kuroo backed away a bit and chewed at the corner of his lip, eyeing Daichi like a ravenous beast, groaning out a hungry sounding, “Mm.”

“What?” Daichi asked, suddenly feeling very aware of being topless, and of just how hard he was being stared at.

Eyebrows pinched in some sort of agony, Kuroo explained, “You look so sexy. So hot, I don’t know if I can handle this.”

“What?” Daichi would have laughed if the admission hadn’t taken him so completely off guard in the moment.

Kuroo slipped his index fingers into the front belt loops of Daichi’s pants, dragging him forward so that hips led the way. “You’re the hottest person I’ve ever been with. I feel like maybe this whole thing is too good for me.”

Scoffing, undoing Kuroo’s belt, Daichi stressed, “Shut up, Tetsu. I’m the _only_ man you’ll have ever been with. It‘s not much competition.”

“You weren’t listening. I said you’re the hottest _person_ I’ve been with. _Ever._ By far. Hottest I’ve ever _known_ , frankly,” Kuroo groaned, dragging blunt nails across Daichi’s darker skin, leaving trails of pink down his arms and across his belly. “I don’t get why someone as gorgeous as you wants some tall, lanky jackass like me.”

Daichi stopped pulling Kuroo’s belt free, forgetting completely how to move, frozen by words that stalled his ability to think…to even breathe. Slowly, he lifted his eyes from Kuroo’s waistband to meet that honest, golden gaze. Daichi tried to respond, tried to say that he felt the same about Kuroo. He opened his mouth to form the words but no sound came out.

Instead he pressed forward to Kuroo’s lips, drinking in the taste of them, savoring the sound of eager, hurried breathing between them, committing the words and emotions to memory.

Of course, he felt the same. Kuroo was gorgeous from head to toe, all long, lean muscle and dreamy voice and cat-like golden eyes and so damn tall it made Daichi jealous. That thought alone had Daichi pulling himself higher on his toes by the hold he had around Kuroo’s shoulders, pressing into lips he’d stared at thousands of times.

Daichi pulled back from the kiss only to have Kuroo hold him in place with a hand on the back of his neck, forehead leaned down against Daichi, eyes still full of lust and a sort of fondness that made Daichi’s heart thump loudly, hard against his chest.

Daichi grinned wide, whispering, “Idiot.”

“For you, I am,” Kuroo snickered.

Daichi did the same, quietly laughing at his ridiculous happiness, before sinking down to his knees. There was a faint jingling sound as Daichi undid the button and zipper of Kuroo’s jeans, and the belt clinked metal to metal.

Daichi suddenly recalled why he loved belts so very much. They were versatile during sex play, certainly, but there was something else that really did him in. There was something so sexy about that quiet tinkling of the buckle as someone sucked cock down their throat, whether he was giving or receiving. Daichi knew that pleasure would only be magnified if it was Kuroo rocking his hips into Daichi’s waiting mouth…and then Daichi was desperate to taste him.

“Sit on the bed,” Daichi demanded.

“Wh-

“I wanna suck your cock, Kuroo.”

“But I was gonna—“ the hesitation had already changed Daichi’s mind. He wasn’t going to wait for Kuroo to make it over to the bed.

“You don’t understand something here, Tet,” Daichi proclaimed, shoving Kuroo back against the bedroom door by his thighs. The sound of the belt only made Daichi’s need stronger. Brown eyes rapidly scanned their prey before Daichi said, “I _need_ to suck your cock.”

Kuroo stood against the door, letting Daichi push his jeans lower on his hips, seeming almost reticent to acquiesce. When Daichi grabbed the waistband of Kuroo’s briefs in his teeth to pull them down far enough to release Kuroo’s strained cock, its weight dotting Daichi’s face with precum, all of his resistance faded.

Kuroo moaned, “…but…I don’t want to be the only one having a good time.”

Daichi laughed deeply, nipping gently at Kuroo’s hipbones while saying, “You won’t be.”

And then Kuroo was hissing sharply through clenched teeth as Daichi sucked hard on the skin of his balls while loosely stroking his erection. Daichi used his tongue to roll them around in his mouth, tugging them gently while generously soaking them with his saliva. When Daichi pulled off, he slid his free hand underneath Kuroo’s balls, massaging them against the pressure of Daichi’s other hand pumping warm over Kuroo.

Daichi turned his eyes upwards as he kissed at the soft, rounded skin in front of him…messy licks and gentle suction from his lips that kept Kuroo glued to the sight. This was why Daichi loved giving head. The trance-like faces of bliss he would receive while down on his knees made it all so very worth it.

Now that it was Kuroo watching him like he wanted to both worship and debase him, Daichi was left with ravenous insatiable appetite. The whole scene sent jolts of exhilaration piercing straight through him, down to his own painfully hard erection…and he hadn’t even put Kuroo’s cock in his mouth yet.

Licking his way swiftly up the underside of Kuroo’s erection, Daichi repeated the same kissing and licking he’d just performed on Kuroo’s balls. He let his spit drool down the length of Kuroo, before sucking some back into his mouth with an overly dramatic slurp that had Kuroo’s thighs shaking already.

“Daichi, please,” Kuroo whispered, sounding mouthwateringly desperate.

“Please what?” Daichi asked, pumping him more quickly with his hand while tonguing Kuroo’s slit.

“Suck it,” Kuroo huffed, hands tangling in Daichi’s hair, urging his lips to the tip. “Please, _please_ suck my dick.”

Daichi laughed around Kuroo’s head, the vibrations sending Kuroo’s hands to brace himself against the door, a high-pitched whine telling Daichi everything he needed.

He sunk low down Kuroo’s shaft until his lips were flush against Kuroo’s body. He dropped his tongue out of his mouth to lick more at what he could reach of Kuroo’s balls, Daichi’s hand helping push them closer. Then Daichi pulled off with his favorite filthy, wet popping sound. Again and again and again, interspersed with feverish sucking, hollowed cheeks, and quick repeated bobs of his head until Kuroo was begging again.

“St-stop! Daichi don’t! I’m-I-“

Daichi knew. Kuroo’s hands were frantically grasping for Daichi’s shoulders, but Daichi wasn’t about to let up just because Kuroo thought it was too soon to cum. Kuroo was probably worried there would be nothing left for Daichi, which only made him suck Kuroo harder, feeling aroused just from knowing how Kuroo wanted to please him tonight.

It wasn’t like he was going to let Kuroo off the hook so easily. Not when Daichi’s own cock was a swollen, red, dripping mess of precum stuck tight behind pants and he was still desperate to be fucked.

But first…

Kuroo’s cum shot so hard down Daichi’s throat, he almost gagged on it, something that hadn’t happened to Daichi in quite a long time, but he quickly recovered. Daichi eagerly swallowed all of the bitter, salty liquid, leaving no trace of its mess behind. As the pulsating against his tongue died down, Daichi pulled back and Kuroo slid to the floor looking defeated.

Daichi grinned and straddled his lap, staring at him lustily.

“Why did you-? I thought we were finally gonna fuck tonight,” Kuroo whined through heaving breaths.

Daichi kissed him deeply before wondering, “Who said we’re not?”

Kuroo stared at Daichi like he’d grown three extra heads. “You do realize I’ve cum at least three times in the last 24 hours, right? I’m not 17 anymore.”

“Ah. Are you saying I can’t get you hard again?” Daichi asked, poking his lip out in a pout, cocking his eyebrow in a challenge.

Kuroo’s breathing steadied somewhat as he gazed, still hungry, at the man he had only just called the hottest person he had ever known.

“No. No, you’re right. Of course, you will. We haven’t even started. You still have your pants on, for fuck’s sake,” Kuroo growled, launching himself up and over, forcing Daichi to his back on the floor, his legs still straddling Kuroo.

Kuroo rutted into Daichi with the broad side of his thigh, and Daichi’s eyes squeezed shut from the heaven of the pressure he’d been craving. “Yours are still technically on, too,” Daichi smiled, biting his lip and gazing at the disheveled mess he’d made of Kuroo’s remaining clothes.

Kuroo rose to his knees, slowly pushing his pants and briefs down over slim hips, holding agonizingly sexy eye contact as he maneuvered them completely off to the floor. When Daichi grinned at how gorgeous he looked, Kuroo surged forward again, dropping a hungry kiss to Daichi’s pink lips.

“Get on the bed,” Kuroo commanded and Daichi obeyed, falling flat on his back as Kuroo yanked down boxers and slacks in one fluid motion. Surveying his handiwork, Kuroo moaned and absent-mindedly adjusted himself. Daichi could see he was already starting to twitch back to full arousal just from getting them both naked.

Kuroo leaned down again, giving Daichi a kiss filled with adoration and need. His hands drug down Daichi’s toned chest and abs, heavy pressure over his hips and down his thighs as Kuroo lowered himself to his knees.

“Turn over,” Kuroo commanded, voice so gravelly and raw, Daichi barely heard him.

“Why?” Daichi questioned.

Kuroo cocked his eyebrow and smirked rather sarcastically, “Why do you think, Prim? Or don’t you like that sort of thing?”

He cursed under his breath, a groan of “oh” followed, before Daichi stuttered out, “Don’t I li-like that s-s-sort of thing? You mean you want to…to—”

Kuroo clicked his tongue loudly against his teeth, “Daichi, you were going to assume I only ask because I want to, remember? Besides, I’ve done it before.”

When Daichi looked back in surprise, Kuroo shrugged, then grabbed him forcefully by the hips. “You’d be surprised how many girls actually like it. Now turn over and let me at your absurdly flawless ass.”

Daichi did as he was ordered, hands trembling against the sheets. He hadn’t expected this. He didn’t really know what he had expected, but it wasn’t this. He was so worked up by the mere idea that he felt like his heart may give out any second. Daichi shivered in the cool air of the house, wondering what was taking Kuroo so long, wondering if he’d changed his mind after all.

Turning just enough to look at Kuroo, Daichi realized what was taking so long. Kuroo was staring…

No.

Kuroo was _leering_ at Daichi’s ass, chewing on his bottom lip, eyes squinting like the sight was too good for him to look at for long. Kuroo huffed out a desperate breath, then glanced up to catch Daichi watching him with his own obsessive yearning.

Kuroo held that gaze, looking like a perfect beast as he bared his teeth before biting down on Daichi's ass, smiling against the flesh when Daichi’s hips jumped and he gasped loudly at the sensation. Kuroo bit down again, sucking hard at the firm, but juicy muscle. He repeated this several times, always following each bite with a slow, easy kiss, alternating pleasure and pain that only strained Daichi’s erection harder.

"Tetsurou, that’s… _mn…feels_ so—"

But Kuroo severed all coherent thought as he spread Daichi’s cheeks and ran his tongue wide across Daichi’s entrance. Daichi sucked air in sharply, fists scrabbling for purchase in the comforter, desperate attempt to hold onto some kind of reality. Kuroo licked him broadly again, then teased lightly with the pointed tip of his tongue by swirling it in almost ticklish patterns, making Daichi jump beneath him.

Daichi was a little afraid he might accidently hit Kuroo too hard in the face with the way his hips thrust forcefully backwards from only the taunting of Kuroo’s tongue, but Kuroo gripped into Daichi’s firm thighs. Hummed his enthusiasm over Daichi’s needy response right against his entrance.

Daichi’s mind muddled as he felt Kuroo dragging slow circles, lapping maddeningly vulgar stripes around his hole. Any of Daichi’s previous experiences weren’t enough, could never have been enough, to keep him from crumbling under the way Kuroo licked him. When Daichi thought he would never make it through this alive, Kuroo shoved his tongue in, and he shoved it in hard.

Daichi’s moan was louder than he intended. His body shivered violently even though Kuroo’s tongue caused the blood to scorch through Daichi’s veins. It was almost too much. Too much sensation. He had frantic need to feel more of Kuroo already…to feel him deeper, harder, with something longer and thicker and even more satisfying than the already perfect torture of Kuroo’s tongue.

~ ~ ~ ~

Kuroo moved his hands from Daichi’s thighs to his hips for better control before shoving his tongue back into him, delighting in the way Daichi pressed himself back against Kuroo’s face.

Kuroo loved it. Kuroo loved the taste, he loved the feel of his face between the mounds of soft flesh, he loved the sounds that ripped from Daichi’s chest…barely muffled into pillows, trying to keep from being overheard. Most of all he loved watching Daichi writhe beneath him, clutching at blankets in a desperate attempt to ground himself, watching Daichi quiver from pleasure that Kuroo enthusiastically provided.

He thrust in and out, urging Daichi to go ahead and push his hips back, helping his tongue sink deeper with its every curl. Daichi began whispering curses with each thrust of Kuroo’s tongue, his whole being began quaking from Kuroo’s touch. He was completely falling apart for Kuroo, and Kuroo was more aroused than he could ever remember having been before.

"T-Tetsu,” Daichi begged, voice hoarse— shaky. “T-Tetsurou, please."

Kuroo removed his tongue, leaving Daichi hissing air through clenched teeth, wrecked by being left empty.

“Where-“ Kuroo started, rolling Daichi over on his back again, but Daichi already had the answer leaving his lips.

“Nightstand. Second drawer.”

Kuroo pulled open the drawer to find a few different types of condoms and a bottle of lube. He tried not to focus too much on the fact that it seemed mostly empty. Tried and failed, a new surge of jealous heat raging through his veins.

 _Mine,_ he thought, licking up the length of Daichi’s body until he was staring greedily into those big eyes. Only a thin ring of brown irises was now visible from pupils blown black with desire. Daichi painted such an erotic picture that Kuroo suddenly felt a sense of self-hatred at ever letting anyone else have the chance to touch him, taste him…fall in love with him.

Kuroo’s throat was tight as he thought about the scolding he had received from Terushima, as he wondered how many other men had fallen for _his_ Daichi. Kuroo felt a sharp, physical pain in his gut at everything he’d given up in the last eight years—every moment he could have been with Daichi wasted with countless, meaningless others.

Kuroo ran a hand up the smooth expanse of Daichi’s chest and throat, pausing to grip his chin.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Daichi. So sexy,” Kuroo whispered.

He shuddered forcefully when Daichi grabbed his wrist to raise Kuroo’s hand a little higher, slipping his index finger into Daichi’s warm wet mouth. Kuroo forgot himself for a moment, watching in awe at how gorgeously Daichi’s plump pink lips slid over Kuroo’s finger, and remembering how good those same lips had looked earlier sliding wet friction on Kuroo’s cock.

He added another finger and sighed at the sight, leaning against the side of Daichi’s face, watching him closely while nuzzling into his neck and breathing heated breath against Daichi’s ear. Everything he had ever truly wanted was right there in that face. He couldn’t help his smile as he littered Daichi’s jaw with feather-light kisses, before he was licking into Daichi’s mouth again, slowly pulling his fingers out past both tongues to let their lips meet once more.

Daichi grabbed blindly for the lube, flipping open the bottle to pour some over his fingers, but Kuroo quickly stopped him. He felt like it was still his turn to pleasure Daichi, and he wasn’t going to let another chance pass him by.

“Let me,” Kuroo demanded, looking at Daichi with such dark desire in his eyes that Daichi could only groan out his yes.

Daichi poured lube over Kuroo’s already moist fingers and watched steadily as Kuroo moved to sit at the edge of the bed, eyes never leaving Kuroo’s even as he slipped his first finger into Daichi’s opening.

“More,” Daichi demanded.

“Shouldn’t I go slowly?” Kuroo asked timidly. He didn’t want to do anything that wasn’t wholly satisfying.

Daichi nodded, swallowing noisily in an effort to moisten his dry mouth. “Mm. Go slowly, but two fingers. I want it.”

Kuroo’s eyes lolled back, his jaw dropped open at Daichi’s quiet command, and he pushed in another finger. It was tight, but Daichi clearly enjoyed feeling himself adjust around Kuroo’s wet digits. After a few minutes of pumping into him slowly, feeling resistance fade, Kuroo inserted a third finger.

“ _Hah_ …” Daichi exhaled hard. “Curl them forward a bit. Like you’re reaching towards my… _hngh_! _Fuck_!”

Kuroo wanted to smile at having found the right spot, but he was too busy concentrating on repeating the motion that would cause Daichi to dissolve into his touch again.

Kuroo’s other hand was loosely stroking his own erection again, arousal mounting over how stunningly lewd Daichi was just then— laid back on the bed, one hand to his mouth, stifling groans, pink and straining cock pulsating and dotting white against his stomach, legs spread apart while Kuroo curled and pumped his fingers mercilessly against his prostate.

Daichi started thrusting his hips harder, started reaching blindly for Kuroo’s wrist. “I need…Tet, I-I need to…”

“What do you need?” Kuroo asked gravelly, fingers still thrusting slow and steady. “Tell me, Prim.”

Biting back a loud moan, body shuddering, Daichi suddenly shook his head, too lost in Kuroo’s touch to respond. It was too much for Kuroo to handle. He couldn’t wait anymore.

“Daichi,” he started, “can I…can we—“

He was having as hard a time as Daichi getting out his whole thought, but Daichi was much too sexy for Kuroo to let this go on any longer.

“Please, I need to be inside you. Please,” Kuroo begged.

Daichi nodded his head rapidly. “God, _yes_! Yes, Tetsurou. Please, fuck me,” he whined, sounding desperate even in his deep voice.

Pulling his fingers out easily, so as not to hurt, Kuroo watched eagerly as Daichi rose quickly to his knees, snatching the condom and tearing it open in an instant. With three rapid pumps of his fist, Daichi had it rolled down over Kuroo’s cock, before he was pouring more lube over him.

“Scoot back,” Daichi commanded breathlessly.

Kuroo did until his back was flush against the wall, hands dragging Daichi closer by his hips. Nervously, Kuroo cleared his throat. Daichi looked up, briefly, as Kuroo opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again without a word.

Leaning in to kiss him, chest still heaving, Daichi said, “Tell me.”

“C-can you face me? I want to see how your face looks when you’re on me,” Kuroo mumbled, suddenly blushing even more crimson than his arousal had him already.

Daichi huffed out a short laugh and leaned in to kiss Kuroo again, slowly…sweetly. With his familiar tender smile on his lips, Daichi stood briefly, straddled over Kuroo’s thighs and lowered himself into a crouch until his opening was resting at the tip of Kuroo’s cock.

Kuroo was trembling again. Hard and obvious. He tried to watch as his cock began to enter Daichi for the first time. He tried, but it felt so insanely good that his vision seemed to glaze over momentarily, burning fiery hot white noise just behind his eyes. It was tight, but just past the first bit of resistance, Daichi inhaled slowly, relaxing to allow his walls to pull Kuroo inside.

The moans that tore from both of them were raw and real and hopeless.

Kuroo felt fire prickling and penetrating every pore before Daichi even began to move. He rested his hands on Daichi’s waist, waiting for him to set the pace, trying not to drive up into the tight heat. Kuroo could hear his heart pounding loudly in his ears, could feel the sweat beading nervously on his chest and forehead.

Slowly, Daichi started moving, making sure Kuroo watched his cock sliding in and out of Daichi, making sure Kuroo knew exactly where his unbridled ecstasy came from. Kuroo hummed a deep, thick sound of pleasure, in awe at how Daichi looked using those glorious thighs to rise and fall so beautifully in Kuroo’s lap. Daichi groaned out gruffly, leaning back and putting less of his weight on his own legs and more onto Kuroo’s cock.

The feeling of Daichi heavy in his lap, ass pressed flush against Kuroo’s thighs was a sensation Kuroo would never be able to forget, even if he wanted to.

Slowly, Kuroo began thrusting upward to meet with Daichi’s established rhythm. The added pleasure of Kuroo pressing himself up to the hilt inside Daichi had Daichi making sounds that could only be described as animalistic…head dropping back, eyes squeezing shut.

He winced as Kuroo slid his grip over Daichi’s cock, but Kuroo was certain it was because it felt as overwhelming to Daichi as it did to him.

“Are you okay?” Kuroo asked, just in case.

Opening his eyes, wearing an exceedingly erotic smirk, Daichi panted, “Very.”

Daichi rose and fell on Kuroo’s lap with slow, practiced rolls of his hips, pushing all the way down with force until his perfect round ass jiggled lightly against Kuroo’s thighs. With one hand holding tight to Kuroo’s neck and the other just behind himself on Kuroo’s thigh, Daichi leaned back as he rode Kuroo with a deep and steady pace.

Kuroo was having enough trouble with coherent thought as it was, without the added stimulation of Daichi’s eyes rolling back in his head, biting back his lower lip, and head falling back with the rest of him, exposing his throat to Kuroo…showing off the purpled marks Kuroo had left covering him earlier.

Kuroo tried to keep relatively still as he watched the lewd sight of Daichi rolling in waves on his cock. He tried to hold himself together and not let on how he’d already been utterly destroyed by Daichi’s bare body— reclined in his lap, but stretched hard and tight, accentuating all of his musculature in a way that was sexier than Kuroo had dared to dream. He tried to pretend he had any sort of power over the situation, but when Daichi linked both arms around Kuroo’s neck and leaned back even further, Kuroo shuddered without permission, betraying himself to Daichi with a pitiful whimper.

Leaning back up, close enough that he surely felt Kuroo whine against his shoulder, Daichi asked, “How ‘bout you?”

“No. Definitely not okay. I’m gonna die.” Kuroo didn’t bother trying to act tough. What would be the point? Daichi could see him, could feel him coming apart with heavy breath and consistent shivering beneath him. “Oh, fuck. _Fuck,_ Daichi. You didn’t prepare me… _fuck!_ You’re not fair. You’re really… not fair.”

Daichi kissed him again, stealing the gasp from his lips, grunting quietly as Kuroo gripped tightly into his hips—maybe tight enough to bruise him again. Daichi wondered aloud, “Feel that good, do I?”

Kuroo swallowed the thick lump in his throat. “I don’t know how you want me to answer. There aren’t any words that can… _oh my god._ Oh _fuck._ Oh god _,_ you feel _so…so good._ ”

His hand flew from Daichi’s hip back to his cock, excited by how wet and hot Daichi felt in his hand. He pumped him to a similar rhythm as the one Daichi was using to ride him. Daichi’s shoulders shook and he leaned forward desperate to find Kuroo’s lips. Kuroo happily obliged, using his free hand to stroke fingers across Daichi’s face, until he felt something dripping below his thumb much hotter than sweat.

“You’re…Prim, you’re crying,” Kuroo worried, suddenly leaning back to better see Daichi’s face.

Daichi furrowed his brows. “I’m not cr—“ but his sentence was punctuated by an unexpected choked-off gasp as he sunk deep onto Kuroo’s cock.

Daichi’s hand flew up to cover his mouth, and his eyes were wide in astonishment, shaking his head fiercely.

Kuroo’s own brow creased with concern, both hands coming up to cradle Daichi’s face, thumbs wicking away the slow drip of tears.

Daichi shook his head even more rapidly. “It’s not what-“

But he didn’t have the chance to finish as Kuroo gently brought their lips together. Kuroo knew the answer. He knew what had started Daichi’s tears, because he was feeling something similar. As his lips and tongue delicately melted into Daichi’s own, Kuroo could hardly breathe himself.

Eight years. Eight years since they’d met. Eight years since the both of them had fallen hard. For Daichi it had been eight years of silent longing, constant dejection, and the heartbreak of not being noticed by the man he loved. For Kuroo, eight years of hiding and denying, confusion and self-loathing, willfully turning a blind eye to both his and Daichi’s suffering. To be with one another like this now…

“I know,” Kuroo whispered, looking earnestly into Daichi’s eyes before kissing him again.

It felt so painfully perfect. It felt like every second of doubt was erased, at least for the time they could be with each other this way.

_It feels so fucking good._

“I know,” he repeated, and Daichi was so overwhelmed that he hid his face against Kuroo’s shoulder, embarrassed by the way he was weak for the man in front of him.

“I’m sorry I made you wait so long, Prim. I’m so, _so_ sorry,” Kuroo muttered against Daichi’s hair.

“You made _us_ wait,” Daichi answered lowly, and Kuroo agreed.

The two of them moaned as Daichi picked up his pace again, rolling a little faster in Kuroo’s lap.

“Forgive me, please,” Kuroo asked, hand back at work, sliding on Daichi’s thick, dripping cock.

Another moan and Daichi bounced faster still. “Every time, idiot. I’ll forgive you every time.”

Heat was building between them with every bounce from Daichi’s ass, every slide from Kuroo’s hand until Kuroo didn’t think he could last a moment longer.

“T-Tet, I’m…” Daichi muttered, hips moving more in time with Kuroo’s grasp on him than they had all evening.

Kuroo thrust his hips upward to keep up their frenzied rhythm. “Cum, Daichi. _God_ , cum for me,” he begged. He’d never wanted something more than to see Daichi fall completely apart at the mercy of his touch, and he didn’t have to wait.

Daichi was moaning and pouring warmth over Kuroo’s grasp as his hips began thrusting out of time in Kuroo’s lap. His whole frame shook and rattled as he peaked, voice raspy and much louder than he meant to be. Afraid he might wake his mother, Kuroo pressed Daichi’s face against his shoulder where Daichi bit into his skin to keep from moaning so loudly. The sudden sharp sensation was all Kuroo could take.

He gasped out a strangled cry, muffling the sound with a deep kiss from Daichi’s lips, thrusting his hips upwards and emptying himself completely while still inside Daichi. He wasn’t able to form words as he came, just a series of grunts and pathetic whimpers as he finished long and hard, unsure if he would ever be able to come down from this blissed out haze of ecstasy.

He watched Daichi’s shoulders slump, felt his do the same as they each gulped hard to get more air back into their lungs. Kuroo lifted Daichi’s hips just enough to remove himself and then flopped hard on the mattress, firm hold around Daichi’s back to pull him down against his chest.

With a soft “oof” the two of them laughed, still struggling to get breathing back under control.

“That was…” Kuroo heaved. “…that was unbelievable. Like, _really_ unbelievable. Like, I can’t believe how good it feels to fuck my best friend-unbelievable. Like, there _must_ be a god-unbelievable. Like, I hate that we’ve never done this before-unbelievable.”

Daichi laughed a little louder, interrupted by Kuroo stealing several quick pecks off his lips, before asking, “Want to know a secret?”

Kuroo nodded his head vigorously, smile completely uncontained.

“That was the most fun I’ve ever had bottoming. I mean it, Tetsu. I have _never_ enjoyed being fucked so much.”

Kuroo thought his smile was uncontained before, but now it was absolutely ludicrous. Nothing could have made him feel more proud or contented tonight than to have Daichi admit something like that. It made the pleasure from moments before that much more tangible.

“M-me, too! But you know...”

Daichi snickered again and climbed higher on Kuroo’s chest so they could make out some more, basking in the afterglow of a near perfect night. “You liked my absurdly flawless ass, huh?”

Now it was Kuroo who laughed. “Wait, I thought of a better one. Your preposterously perfect posterior!”

“Oh my god. You’re still an idiot with the wordplay, I see,” Daichi groaned, rolling off of Kuroo onto his back.

“Always,” Kuroo smirked, wiggling until he was wedged right against Daichi, legs intertwining after he used his foot to pull the blankets up over them…enjoying as Daichi continued to laugh quietly as he peppered Kuroo’s chest and arms with endless light kisses.

Slowly the laughter died down, and it was quiet in the house, except for the slow, comfortable breathing as the pair of them settled for the night.

Kuroo thought he was on the verge of falling asleep, until he lamented, “I really don’t want to go back tomorrow.”

“I know the feeling,” Daichi added, fitting his arms around Kuroo’s torso.

The two lay quiet again, until both had nearly drifted away.

“Hey, Prim,” Kuroo muttered, realizing he had more to say.

“God, I wish I’d never mentioned that stupid name,” Daichi groaned before a low laugh rumbled forth.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he whispered, propping himself up to look in Daichi’s eyes. He ran the back of his fingers across Daichi’s jaw, waiting for a response.

It took a while for it to come. Daichi stared at him, skepticism evident on his face, then he laughed. “Come on! You’re just all hopped up on post-orgasm dopamine.”

Kuroo couldn’t help but laugh in return.

“I am!” he admitted. “I definitely am, but I don’t think that’s it.”

Daichi’s expression returned to doubtful, unconvinced that Kuroo could be telling the truth over something this serious already. And even though it hurt, Kuroo understood. If it were him, he wouldn’t want to trust someone like himself either…but Daichi had always been more forgiving than Kuroo had.

Kuroo chewed on the top of his thumbnail, unsure of how he could alleviate Daichi’s doubt. All he could do was tell him honestly how he was feeling right now. “The thought of anyone else being with you now makes my chest hurt. It makes me feel anxious and sick to my stomach. Imagining you happy with anyone but me…I can’t stand it.”

“Tetsu, don’t you think that’s a little fast for you? It’s only been a week.”

“Fast? It’s been eight years for me to even start figuring it out! I’m a slow learner by any stretch of the word!”

Daichi stared at him with an expression Kuroo couldn’t even begin to decipher. He just wanted Daichi to understand that Kuroo really did know now what he had been denying them both.

“True,” he agreed cautiously. Sighing heavily before ruffling his hand through Kuroo’s madly disheveled hair, Daichi said, “I’m not going to lie. It feels amazing to hear those words from you…I mean, everything I’ve ever wanted-amazing, but—“ he interrupted himself to take a deliberately long drink of Kuroo’s lips, “—let’s just take it slowly, okay? There’s no need for you to feel like you need to rush anything.”

Kuroo frowned deeply, even if he did understand why Daichi would be so hesitant.

“We don’t even know what will happen with your ex-girlfriend, yet,” he reminded, darkly.

Kuroo felt suddenly nauseas over the reminder. He shifted uncomfortably beneath Daichi, nervous to meet his eyes. It was true that Daichi had managed to make him forget all about that over the last several hours, leaving Kuroo lost in a world where just the two of them existed. Kuroo longed to stay there, but Daichi’s words reminded him that he really did still have a long way to go in figuring himself out, let alone how to fit Daichi smoothly into his life.

“It’s okay, Tet,” Daichi whispered, settling himself higher on the bed and pulling Kuroo so that he rested against Daichi’s chest instead. “I haven’t gone anywhere in all this time. Where we are now feels more fantastic than where I’ve ever been with you before. Just take your time to make sure, because once you know you love me without a doubt…I’m never letting you go.”

Kuroo couldn’t help but get a bit choked up, partially over Daichi’s words, but mostly over the fact that if Daichi knew everything, he might not want to stay. He might be ashamed of Kuroo for never standing up to his dad. He might realize he didn’t love Kuroo the way he thought.

It was overwhelming and his tears pooled on Daichi’s warm skin, but when Daichi asked him what was wrong he couldn’t bring himself to do the simple thing Kenma had suggested. Kuroo couldn’t bring himself to ruin such an amazing memory with the truth behind his reluctance.

He lied, telling Daichi, “I’m just so happy,” before pretending to be asleep as quickly as possible.  He almost wished the two of them never had to wake up again.

 

 

**_To Be Continued…_ **


End file.
